Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals
by Great Pikmin Fan
Summary: Part of the "SBIG" series. It's a stupid, deliberatley badly written thing I made in a spinoff to another also deliberatley badly written fan fic I wrote before. Main plot's about the kids and trolls fighting the Felt, but the majority of the fan fic involves a bunch of sidequests with the citizens. Chapter 10: More airwings!
1. Green Vs Rainbow

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 1: Green Vs Rainbow**

**Beginning AN:**

This is sort of a sequel/spin-off to a previous badfic I wrote, _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_. The thing is, my favorite chapters in HUC were the ones that involved side characters in the world - Seras's mother, the jury, Brazil, those two cameos of an old show that I don't want to say because it's kind of a spoiler that I want readers to get to themselfs...

Anyway, I kind of liked that world thing I made up, but unfortunatley, the whole "Hecksing vs Millennium-and-other-villains" plot kind of overshadowed the rest of the fan fic. This will, following chapter 2, focus a lot more on the world and its side characters. Sort of like how _Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_ does compared to _Ocarina of Time_, except done really, really badly. But you don't need to read HUC first to understand this! In fact, if you're paying attention to the shipping, I'd rather you don't read HUC before this. And if you have, well you'll know the resolution to one of the sideplots. Or more...

**This fan fic is written badly on purpose!** Normally I'd think that you wouldn't need to read this, but there might be some fics that are written in an even worse manner than this _and_ they might be completely and totally sinciere. Also, the personalities of the canon characters written here should _not_ be seen as an indication of what I actually think these characters are like. I'd give examples, but I'd rather... you read the OOC-ness yourself. Also, if there's an "AN" in parenthesis within the chapter, it's not a real mid-chapter author's note unless it says "Real AN."

**Warning:** If incest really offends you, stop reading. It's not a really really big focus in this fan fic, but there's more jokes about it here than in HUC. (Not saying much since HUC only had two, and one of them sort of relied on having a dirty mind.)

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass cueballman. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

Edqard Cullenn was making out with Kanaya in woods. (This is Highschoolstuck AU so they kids and trolls all about 16 but not humenstuck.)

"Oh Kanaya, I love u." Edward said.

Kanaya said, "Me too. This is a perfect evening and I hope that noone ruins it."

Suddenly, Alucard from _Hellsing_ came out from bushes and shot of Edward lots of times!

"NO!" Shouted Kan. "Why did you do that!"

Alucard looked at camra. "Becausehe sucks at his powers!"

Kanaya got really mad! But she couldn't do anything (even if she was vampire too but she was not) about it becuz come on... this is Alucard from _Hellsing_ we're tockin about. He's got lots of yeers of combatt and stuff. I don't think ANYTHING could kill him LOL...

Kanaya cried as Alucard turned into big mowth and ate Edward. Kanaya ran away and cryed and the tears formed the title:

**HOUSESTUCK HURRCAIN CRCONIKALS**

**CHAPTER I**

**Summry:** John Egbert is the Air of Brenth in this fan fic he must God Tier and Ascent to Skaia to take out Jack the evil villain. Pairings include John/Vriska Rose/Kanaya Dave/Terezi Jade/Karkat Roxy/Calliope Jane/Dirk/Caliborn trigale Eridan/Noone. But when John have to do dirty work, he rob bank and haz to avoid cops? Wow1

* * *

Nexrt morning John Eg Bart was playing _My Littel Pony: Frendship is Magic: MMORPG: Legend of the Serven Stars_ (AN I had not seen original show yet so pleese forgive if I have erorrs.) He was playing as Rainbow Sparkel with Jade and Rose. Jade and Rose werte as OCs that looked like Pony vershins of them (John was Rainbow Sparkel because he's unoriginal.)

We first saw John on computer then it showed the game which was in 3D CGI like thatr _World of Warcraft_ episode of _South Park_.

"How many quests did you get ahead while I logged off and went to sleep last nite?" He said over speaker cheat them.

Suddenly, white Pony!

"Oh um John..." Jade said, "A littel after you logged out, this jackass came and killed Rose and I. We lost so much gold!"

"Hm? You challenge him to duel?"

"No! He just fired blast without-"

And then white Pony's mouth opened and blasted the 3 ponys!

The camrea went back to John. Computer said, "GAME OVER" so a pesterlog memo between John, Rose, and Jade popped up.

GG: see? he kiled us just like that!  
GT: oh noez!  
TT: This is of most terrible. We should get expert to find out who that is.  
GT: yeah haha smart thinking rose...  
GG: yes... "smart thinking..."

The pesterlog overed and John blushed at Rose's idea because he had crush on her. He also crushed on Dave. But Jade was kind of frustated because she crushed on John. **LOVE QUADTRIANGLE!**

* * *

John was on the can when Roxy popped into the window

"John!"

John was, "ah-ah!" Then he looked around and he saw no tolet paper (OH NO!) but then he saw the _Twilight_ books And smiled.

"Ok I'm good incase I need to wipe my ass. What do you want?"

"I found the sorce!"

"TEH SORCE?"

"SORCE OF MLP VANDALISM!"

"WHO IS IT?"

"NONE OTHER THEN THE LEEDER OF THE FELT, DOC SCRACH!"

Dun dun dun!

"I know his appartment from my hacking. Let's go theer!"

"...Now?"

Roxy laffed. "And peepol think I'm the dum blonde!"

* * *

**(Scrratch)**

The 8 kids (all of them) broke into apartment.

Scatch was, "I no u was about to come in."

Dave said, "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?"

"Becuz I omnisient."

John smirked. "Well what I say next?"

"I DUNNO CUZ I CAN'T SEE IN FUTURE!" (AN i nerffed him

Rose asked inteligintly, "Why you killed are MLP game twise?"

"Because i new you were to be the heroes and I tried to get you to notice me so that i can stop you before you find out later and before you begin a plan wile I can't see; and I need to see because ROXY. VOIDS THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYONE."

Dirk pointed at Scratch. "Housestucks. Afte him!"

But then the Scratch snapped fingers, and suggenly, REST OF FELT! (Not snowman cuz this is postSBURB she was replaced with Damara the Handmaid.

Eechi was too fast. Fin culd, "see them from future! Clover never seemed to die. Sawbuk, Quarters, Machsticks, and speshally Cans were too big llike Ridley. (Is that still funny?) They kids got the shite kicked out of him. Dirk came upo with plan and had to act fast so he put on frown of worry and yelled towards window, "RUN!"

Then they ran out indow in slow motion and jumped out the window of appartment but it was high and stuff so they have long fall. Also there was explosion behind them from appartment and in the ppartment Scratch slapped Egg hoo was cause of explosion and said, "HAY! DON'T BLOW UP MY HOUISE!"

Suddenly, at the end of the fall it turned out to be sidewalk pavement! (This is suposed to be shock like with when someon's on a boat on river and sudenly waterfall)

"WE NEED SAVE!" shouted Dave.

Jade airswam towards John and blushed. "John... If we gonna die I need to tell u something."

But John swung Dave into arms and kissed!

"Well shit." Jade was sad.

* * *

Tavros and Terezi (not cribble and blind because AU they weren't born this way in canon (unless there was something in acts 1-4 I missed cuz I skipeed them went to act 5) so it wuld make sense if there was universe where they not since the acidents never hapened) was walking.

Suddenly, Rose fell into Tavross arms romantically.

"WOW TAVROS YOU A PIMP!" Terezi winked.

"Uh... Thanks the you?"

"MABEY I CAN GET ME A COOL GUY. OR GIRL SINCE USALLY US TROLLS ARE USUALLY PANSEXUAL. USUALLY."

But then the other 7 kids just fell on her.

"WHAT... THE HEVEN?" Tavros asked in a hurry.

The kids later got up. And also the Terezi.

"HAY WHAT YOU GUYS DOING?" Terezi asked.

"We were trying to murder the Doc Scratch."

Tavros uhh'd. "Um... he's reely powerful... I think it hard to kil him and his, **The Felt** with just the 8 of you."

Terezi t'ched. "COME ON TAVROS HAVE A LITTTEL MORE CORAGE IN THIS GUYS. AT LEEST THEY MADE IT UP THERE. LET'S TAKE THEM TO THE BOSS AND SEE WHAT HE THINKS OF THEM."

"The boss?" Rose asked in an interlllect.

"HIS NAME IS KARKAT AND HE'S A PRETY COOL GUY. YOU SE, TEVROS THERE AND I ARE REELY PART A GROUP CALLED THE ZODIACS AND WE HAVE BEN TRYING TO STOP **The Felt** FOR HAFF A SWEEP NOW. IT WOULD BE GREAT IF MABEY WE CAN COMBINE FORCES AND SHIT."

Jake looked really excitement!

"How do we join?"

Tavros blushed. "You must... go to hedquarters... where the leeder will tell what do."

* * *

**(Outside to Zodac hideout)**

They took plane the the Grand Canyon and they hiked down to bottom of canyon and there was river and on one side of river was a large rock with sign saying, "THERE ARE NO NAZITS HERE GO AWAY!"

Tavros, Terezi, and humens were looking at it.

"This is where the hideout is?" Jane askd.

Terezi laffed. "NO IT IS ACROSS CANYON FROM HERE!"

Then there was hidden door and inside was pit of lava and eye scan. Across pit, other door. Teezi put eey.

"Identifyed as Terezi Piryope hoo is one of tghe zodiacs. Libra to be specific."

QAnd then a brige formed between doors!

"Come on and walk."

John looked up and klaffed. "Look at security this is like Peter Griffin's porn statche?"

Dirk frowned. "Not funy there's rumors _Family Guy_ is gett the canceled this yeer because of low bujet not because it sucks WHICH IT DOES NOT."

Dave pointed at Dirk. "I thot you gay and _Family Guy_. Shows gays. As hiting on every other man. Isn't ypou offended?"

Dirk looked at camera and broke the forth wall. "Well golly, how could I be offended? _Family Guy_ has the perfect wacky black comedy humor and well thought out cultural parodies of the good eighties that it more than makes up for the possible offensive stereotypes! Watch _Family Guy_ on FOX Network!"

(i thot i could get paid by FG's seth macfarline if I do a add for it)

* * *

**(In Hideout)**

"GENTELMEN." Terezi said. "THIS IS... THE PALAICE OF THE ZODIACES!"

ok it reely looked more like a giant office corperal workplace bilding. SO THE THEME FROM _THE OFFICE_ START PLAYUNG!" Notably there was only 12 peopletrolls working there; Terezi and Tavros were two of them.

Nepeta was on compuner when Karkat ran to her in a piss. "NEPETA YOU SAID THAT THE ESPADA FROM BLEECH WAS NOT TO COME OVER TO THE MUSEUM AND STEEL STUFF AND YOU SAID YOU WERE 100% CEERTAIN AND TO NOT PUT ANY MONEE INTO SAVING IT AND NOW LOOK! SURVALENSE SHOWS THEM GOING INTO THE MUSEUM OF AMEDICA AND STEELING THE MARGE SIMPSON'S PANTIES EXIBIT. GIVE ME 1 GOOD REESON WHY I SHOULD NOT FIRE YOU, RITE NOW?"

"Because ther mission to the museum was acshally caused by detor they were originally going to this other place that I blocked off and crap."

"o ok then."

Tavros exposited. "Thats... Karakt. He leeder of this."

Jade gasped. "Wow kind of like a jerk?"

Trezi went on, "YES BUT HE DONATES 100 DOLLERS TO POOR KIDS EVERY SINGLE DAY. HE HA HART OF GOLD."

And then John eye water. "HE REELY JUST A TROBLEED SPIRIT SOUL AFTER ALL? TRAJIC!"

Karkat notised them. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE HUMENS DOING HERE? FUCKASS1"

Tavros said, "They... got to the **The Felt** apartment on there own... so they have potenshal to stop tem."

Karkat said, "ok i hire all 8 of you."

Vriska, the Scorpio, o8jects! "What the fuck? I had to take 1 full sweep (2.16 yeers) of Kung Fu classes to get in here! And now yu jurst hired them?"

"ANY ALTERNITIVES?" Karkat asked.

"They must take my test!"

"ok ok" Karkat was "ill allow them to due your test if I see what is."

* * *

**(Woods just outsie the canyon)**

Vriska stood in forest. She helf 7 bells.

"This texst is simple. You must fite me and get the bells. If you get a bell, you pass and will join us Zodiacs." And then dramatic wind! "But if you fail, YOU FAIL AND CANNOT GET IN!"

John pointed. "But there's 7 bells and 87 of us!"

"Yea dumass that's the point. 1 of you will be... BOOTED OFF THE TEEM!"

They all gasped. Thsi was notivation to fight!

Then Vriska ninja vanisheD! This is gonna be harder fite then thought!

"We must divide into alliances!" John leader sugested.

Then the Alpfas Jane Jake Roxy and Dirk ;left, and John Dave and Jade left. BUT ROSE STAY STILL!

* * *

**(Alphas)**

They were hiding in bushs. Sudenly the Vriska wocked by!

"EET THIS!" Dirk shoted in a rival accent.

He then jumped out with sord, and was the sword fite with Vrsiak, but Vriska was abel to do ninja dodges and stuff and so Drik could not land a **scratch** on her! But then he did suden kick combo moves and crap, and was on way to try to get a bell!

Then Vriska was, "THIS IS TAKKING TOO LONG!" and then ran off.

The alphas stared at confusion.

* * *

**(John and Ropse)**

"Rose wy you no do this?"

"It seems as though we may not these guys might not help us on the Felt."

"DO YOU WANT TO TAKE CHANGE?"

Then suddenly, Rose got a proud!

"Your rite. this may be small, but it may also be a chance to make things easier. I take chance."

But before she wcould do anything useful, Vriska!

"Hay guys I'm running out of pateince doing this so new challenge. I just scatter these bells areound the forest and you look for them and shit. I told everyon else baout this. Tavros thwe Taurus troll is going to look out to see if anyone cheets. Yu can go into teams to look for them if you want."

* * *

**(Beta Teem)**

Thy were looking around forest. Suddenly, cave!

"Careful" said rOSE the classy lesbian in a smart. (Oh wate she can't be classy lesbains with Lanaya since Kanayas boyfrend has been killed last night and I doubt Kanaya would want to move on so fucking soon.)

They look in and saw bell. The 2 men went in becuz the girls IN THAT TEAM (not all homestuckgirls they can be badnass some of them like... VRISKA) were either boring as shit or Jade hoo was helpless unless her berzerk buttons were pressed. Suddenly, bear!

Dave grabbed the bell and looked in a panic. Then, he put John in front of him to the bear! "Heer! Take John!"

And they ABSCONDED (get it like in the comic?)

Once the guys got out of cave and the girls ran away wih them, John was looking at Dave in a piss.

Dave frowned and spoke. "Dave's not getting to second base, is he?"

"NO!" John said like Robotnick.

"Is he getting to first base?"

"NOOOOO!" Like Darth Vader.

"Is he at bat?"

John punched the asshole motherfucker.

Jade sighed in relief of that she has the chance at John. BUT THERE WAS STIL ROSE!

Rose ;looked at tree. "Fuck Jade, let's clim up this. I see 2 bells."

And they climbed and got bells too.

* * *

**(Alfas)**

John was wock to alphas.

"Crickey mate! What the motherfuck have ben your motherfucking problem, motherfucker! Blimey!" said Jake looking at how sad John was.

"dave pushed my in front of serial killer bear!"

Jane gaspod. "Oh, really? He usually has good intentions and acts in care to others. Try to give him another chance, he may have just done that in a sudden act without thinking right first."

"Shut up Jane you boring." John replied.

Roxy jumped on him! (Its funny cuz Roxy is a girl and Jon is guy if it was otherway around then NUH UH GIRL)

"You wanna have rebound coitus?" Roxy said seductivly and in typos. (Shes drunkk)

"UM NO THANKS..." he looked around nervously.

He then threw Roxy off of him, jumped on Dirk's head, and stole his glasses! "I like Dirk now! hee hee hee!"

And then he ran around with Dirks' shades! "Hay! I need those to be tsundere wihtout people nowing I really love Jake! OOPS DID I JUST SAY THAT?"

Meanwile, Tavros was trying to keep track of ropmance but just gave up.

Dirk chased after John but John was really faswt because as it turns out when he was watch Nick Cage he wasn't just sitting on his ass he was jogging and waching on his IPOD.

Dirk tripped but then found bell. "YES!"

Jake reelized that since John and Dirk ran from far, he was the only guy in his group. "Aw yea I feel swag. Cherio."

Then they saw the last 3 bells!

"Yes now we must do the running back to Vriska. Cockfuck." Jake said at the plottwist.

"Jake, do you have a case of tourettes syndrome?" Jane aksed.

"No I just part of my United Kingdoms of London accent, baka!"

So they ran and it was very exiting and dramatic and then they made it. Tavros was acshally theere since it turned out Vriska wasn't even in the forest anymore she went back to the hideout to play strip poker.

Tavros congradulated them. "Um... you here first... I'll note tat so Veriska can... give you extra reward."

Roxy giggeld "Is the extra reword... SEX? Winkilywonkol."

Tavros blushed (and it looked like shit becuz brown blood) and his eyes moved around a lot. "Uh... it's I just announce the rules... not decide them. I dunno what reward is."

Then Jade and Rose the kind-of classylesbians was there gotten back. With there bells.

"Ok... you two wins as well."

Roxy seductivly went to Jake. "HAY JAKE YOUR THE ONLY MALE IN THIS LITTEL GROUP HERE SINCE JOHN DAVE AND DIRK AREN'T BACK HERE YET. DOEZ THAT MAKE YOUR PENIS HARD?"

"Wogly, what bout Tavros?"

"TAVROS IS A DUDE? OH SNAP!" She said like Joy Turner on _My Name is Earl_. (I MADE REFERENCE.)

Thewn Dirk ran back without his shades!

"Hi guys John was being a genki boy and he made me lose my shades."

Jake looked wideeyes. "DAMN DAWG HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU? BITCH HITS ON EVERY MAN OR WOMAN HE SEES! Did you bring bell, fine fellow?"

He held it up and smirked.

Then Dave the Jackass got ther too. With his bell.

Finaly John ran over.

"You no ge3t bell? Tavros asked. "Aw crap I forgot..." said John.

Suddeenly, Vriska came in! (She was fully dressed because she cheeted in strip poker) "Yes and I shall hire everyon here excep John. HOWEVER it turns out I was phyche and it turns out that there wil be no eliminations of anyone so I will hire all 8 of you! The reeson for test was to see if yu hadthe balls to fite people altho since I gave up I guess it was if you had the balls to look for stuff."

And then the 8 kids cheered!

"Srrsly John gimme back mah shades."

"Not unless you gimmie a kiss first!"

Dirk sihed. "Ok fine."

And they kissed and Jade got sad agan.

"No reward for getting early that should belong to me, Jane and Jake?" Roxy asked.

"Nope sorry." Vriska smiled.

"FAWK!" yelled Roxy.

* * *

**(Zodiac Hideout)**

"Equius how is the prroject going?" Kanaya asked Equius.

"Good. I haz the connections with that Doctor fellow. It shuld be done like tomorrow."

Kanaya put hands together like a schemer. "And then that asshole in red that killed my boyfriend can PAY."

"Why you no evil lauff?"

"Because revenge isn't evil its karma."

Then Vriska was back! And the lkids with him.

"I desided to hire everyone because in my chalenge it turns out it was effort that counts."

Karkat came out wearing barrel. "VRISKA IM GLAD YOU HIRED THEM ALL!"

Then Terezi said, "BUT WATE THESE GUYS NO ZODIACS! WE...N HAVE ZODIAC SIGNS CUZ WE ZODIACS! SO WHAT?"

John looked down. "Um... we all have colors for theme in are pesterlog so we can naem ourselfs... THE RAINBOW CREW!"

Nepeta raised hand.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT." Karkat bitched.

"AC wants to move hideout to aother plaec especially since these new guys here. Like by are houses. Becuz hideouting by lava sucks and its far from are homes."

"Where do u live?" John asked.

"CHUICAGO, ILLINOISE, BITCHES also the other 11 trolls in the zodiacs life there." Nrpete answwred.

"O cool we live in chicago too."

* * *

**(Outside Hideout)**

The five trolls we didn't see yet (Aradia Sollux Gamzee Eridan and Fefei - also the other five peepol playing strip poker with Vriska but they put there close back on and so did Karkat) were outside. Gamzee was fuckiong around inn the river wile Aradia was looking up in the sky like epic.

Karkat came out of the bilding and yell, "HAY GUYS WERE MOVING GET IN THE PACK YOUR SHIT SOON." and slamedd the door.

"Aa whater you looking at?" Asked Sollux.

"I am trying to see the future. It does not look that good. I see lots of green. And red. Like blood."

"Your just saying 'like blood' cuz the color you saw was lik your blood color. You racist!"

Gamzee went arond yelling, "HONK HONK" and stuff and Eridan was tock to Feferi.

"Fef will you fill my quadernts?"

"No."

"Forever alone."

Then Gamzee broke the fourth wall and went up to camra. "Honk honk my sexy motherfickers, next chappter will be about the Felt some more as they fite the kids a littel more." And then he did flex for his fangirls and fanboys.

* * *

**(Scratch Appartment)**

"Inconceevable!" Scraytch yelled, looking into cristal ball. "The Housestucks and the Zodiacs teemed up? NARW!"

"WShat do?" Asked Damara.

"We must send sum of are gangs to beet the shit out of them."

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Well I personally thought this was kind of a shitty start. And not in the good way. Oh well.


	2. Sharks Day

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 2: Sharks Day**

**Beginning AN:**

A little warning is that I think this might be the most boring chapter in the entire fan fic. But don't skip it. Otherwise you won't know what's going on.

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass past trail stalker. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

**(Roses House)**

The 20 of the Rainbo w Crew was screwing around in Rose's mansion. Axcept Aradia, who was on roof.

This takes plaec a day later after the events of the first chapter.

"SO CAN THIS BE ARE NEW HEADQUARTERS?" Karkat asked at Rose.

"No. Are u high?"

On roof, Jade went up to Aradia.

"Hay I wanted to make frends with all these trolls here. So umn... you. Never got to no yu. Say, the fuck are you doing?"

"Waching for the badguys to come."

"BADGUYS?"

"I used my powers of doom to know. Scratch will sent out a Felt or two to atack this house."

"Do u know if we live or not?"

"It depends... on if we do are best to fight them and not die." (Aradias alive BTW)

**CHAPTEWER II**

* * *

Jade went back to where John and Dirk were kissing.

"Hay John what if I told you I loved you."

"YOU DO?"

Jade blushed. "NO! I BEING THEORETICAL!"

Roxy shook hed. "Jade if yu wanna try to be a secret abot your relatiosnhip your doing a bad job at it."

"Hay don't say I have a crush on hot John. OOPS DID I JUST CALL HIM HOT I DIDN'T MEEN THAT! GIVE ME THE TAPE! HOW DO I GET THE TAPE OUT OF THIS THING?"

Gamzee was spilling faygo everywhere. Rose got pissed.

"OK GAMZEE OUT!" She pointed.

"BUT I HAVE ESTAGBLISHED THIS AS ARE NEW BASE!" Yelled Karkat.

"Are new base can be in that one old treehouse. All we need to do is pimp it up a little."

Gamzere didn't go out so Rose slapped him.

"Why u do that, do you hat faygo?" Gamze asked.

"No you were just being stupid."

* * *

**(Outsid Manopr)**

Trace and Fin were wocking over there.

"i can't beleeve another one of groups like this, the Millenium, is doing something just like this on this day! How unoriginal! Scratch ripedoff the Millennium!" Bitched Fin.

Trace was just looking at theere past trails to find the way to the manor. "Yes but this is cool plan wich is wy we were sent to do this. It's a fanfavrite among the Hitler Revival Groops."

"Fan favrite? Were badguys! Badguys never have fans! Nobdoy likes them! HAHAHA!"

* * *

**(Living Room)**

Fin kicked door down and got out, gun.

"NOBODY MOVE IN HERE! I CAN SEE FUTURE TRAILS SO I NO WHERE YOU WILL BE! TRACTE HERE" he pointe to him, "CAN SEE PAST TRAILS SO HE NO WHERE YOU BEEN. I SEE FYUTURE SO I NO WHERE YOU'LL BE. WE PART OF **The Felt** BUT MOST OF YOU GUYS NO THAT ALREADY."

Gamzee neerly dropped his fagyo. Neerly.

Suddenly, Fin shouted "NOBODY MOVE MOTHERFUCKERS!" and gun shot to everyone and they ran and hide. Trace folloed there past trails.

"YOU CAN RUN BUT YU CAN'T HIDE!"

Sudenly, Jake!

"I can ikick your ass il,l tel you what!"

And then he fired llots of bullets from his guns at Tract, but then Trace got on racdio and called Fin over, and Fin looked at the future trail of his hands and matrix dodged them!"

Then Fin went into hiding!

"O bollux" say jake "They can find us at any point in time."

* * *

**(Aradia and Jade)**

(they wer back on the roof agan BTW)

"Aradia wy u acting strange like this." Jade asked. "R u a walking plot decvice?"

"I am just worry. I have been happy and shit and okay wiff everything and a lot but then I started looking at the Felt and I got a caase of the cynics." She showed character development!

"oh. Well there in this house rite now and I kind of think you should fite them and shit."

"WATE! THER IN? AW FUCK!"

And then she took off.

* * *

**(Rose, John&Dirk, Karkat, Sollux, Nepeta, Eridan)**

Karkat stole Eridan's gun.

"Hay you stole my, gun!" Eridan bitched.

"YEA WELL U NEVER USE IT ANYWAY!"

Solluxs usesd his eye powers and stuff to lok around. "I can sense them. The Future Trail Guy is rite... BEHIND UPS!"

Karkat turned iand in a rare act of being nicer he smiled. "ROSE JOHN/DIRK LET ME SHOW YU MAH REEL POWER OF ZODIACS!"

"Wher the Rainbow Crew now." Rose said.

Karkat shot towards Fin hoo was coming down the hall, but Fin dodged!

Dirk laughed his as off. "HAHA! Some shooting skills!"

Karkat grunted. "STFU FUCKASS!"

"HAY! DONT CALL MY BOYFREND A FUCKASS, FUCKASS!" John yeled.

Fin and Trace btoh said, "No fuck dis I don't wanna hear some couple arguing with a deranged rage man."

Rose rubber her chin in idea. "John, you, Neperta, and Eridan I want you three to be the messengers to the rest of the Rainbow Crew to give them are info about plans. We can set up the trap. Tell everyon to meet me in basement."

* * *

**(Basement)**

Rose, Dirk (who was sad because he was away from boyfriend), Karkat, and Sollux was there in the basemen waiting.

"Fuck, let's play cards." Sollux sugested.

Dirk's eyes were tears. "I MISS JOHN!"

Rose sighed, "Fine you can give massage to the others with him... IF YOU CAN FIND HIM WITHOUT BEING DEATH! DUN DUN DUNN!"

And Dirk left and Rose slaped her head because she was being sarcasm but Karkat glared at the door as Dirk left and said, "WHAT A FUCKASS!"

"Anyone? Cards?" Suggested Sollux.

"NOONE WANTS TO PLAY CARDS WITH YOU SOLLUX NOW GO FUCK YOURSELF."

Rose glared at Karkat and then wanted to jealous him so she went up to Sollxux and said, "I'd cards you." And whille rubbing his lower leg sugestivly.

"DAMN!" Karkat said. Sollux didn't understand becuz he's a nerd who never been touched in the leg that way before.

John, Nepeta, and Eridan went stuck heds in basement (they're checking if anyone else has already gotten ther) to see Rose doing the legrub.

"Aw fuck there goes my possibility of being with Rose."

"I THOT YOU COMITTED YOURSELF TO DIRK?" Nepeta asked witha shipping wall.

"What if Dirk and I break up? I need backup."

"o good idea."

Eridan cried. "WHY DON'T PEOPLES LOVE ME?"

* * *

**(Hallway)**

The message 3 told everyone else about the plans (the everyone was in the middle of that hallway) and they left the hallway to try to go to basement. When the hallway was empty, Jade and Aradia ran in and Jade slammed into John! They spun and fell on floor.

"O John I didn't see you there heh heh heh..." Jade blushed.

"I SAW ROSE RUBBING SOLLUX'S LOWER LEG!" John yelled.

"HOLY SHIT U THINK SHE'LL RUB HIS UPPER LEG?"

"YEA AND THEN MABEY AFTER THIS HIS CHEST!"

"when does she get to the you-know-what" Eridan asked.

"When pigs fly becuz Sollux is MINE." Nepeta shouted.

John looked serious. "Also Eridan ew..."

Suddenly, both sides of hallway was Fin and Trance!

"I saw that you, John Nepeta and Eridan, came here from this side so I followed your past trail here." Said Trace.

"I saw that you, John Nepeta and Eridan, will later on go to that other direction so I told Trace about it and he told me and we ganged up to trap you." Fan said.

Suddently, Trace was shot lots of times (aN i no it was fin that was shot a lot in the intermishin but I wanted to change things up a bit you'll see a lot of that later.) It was Dirk who got a gun!

"John I waas looking for you."

"REELY? HOW ROMANCeTIC?" He ran up toh im and then hugged and kissed.

"FREEZE MOTHERFUCKAS!" Rose shouted. She was standing with the res of the rainbow crew, and Equius had a bomb! "We were working on this that was are plan."

"I made this crap." Equius said getting reddy to start the bomb.

"NO WATE!" Shouted Fin. "WE WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING FIRST IF YU GONNA BLOW US UP!"

"No way! Were gona kill you!" Vriska jumped out to yell.

Terzi added, "Waite hold on I belive we must get the evidence so I don't want them to die."

Equius did nt start bomb. "I beleeve the tealblood makes a point even thou she's two castes below me."

Terezi glared at Equius. "Suck my ladyparts."

"Sorry but your lower then me so I don't want to be ordered to do thast."

Trace limped over to Fin ("Hay dumass why don't **you** walk to **me**?" Said Trace "Fuk you that's why" Said Fin) And then tey both turned there backs to the Rainbow Crew and pulled down pants and showed them there asses. Everyine gasped.

"Sexy!" Jane blushed.

"We're not showing you are assess for the sake of it!" Shout Fin. "Look at the tatoos!"

They had a tatoo of Hitler's hed on them!

"What it mean?" Asked Rose, pondering.

Trace laffed. "Look up what it meens to have a Hitler tattoo on your bum. We're not telling you. All were saying is... _**there's something bigger then Scratch**_."

"Like he Nazis?" Dave asked.

Rose smacked him. "No dummie the Hitler thing has nothing to do with nazits it just meens evil."

"Y u smack thtas a little mean for coming up with somehing dumb like that."

"Because of the bear incident!"

"Oh..."

Fin and Trace giggled at the irony of Rose reely being wrong about the meening of the ass tatoos. "Ok" said the later. "Now the blueblood can bomb us. WAIT WHAT DID WE JUST SA-"

**BOOM**

**2/14 Green Torsos Dead**

**0/1 Gray Torsos Dead (That's Damara BTW)**

**0/1 White Torsos Dead (Scrathc)**

**Dead:** Trace, Fin

* * *

**(Treehouse - The New Hideout)**

Dave was hammering the nails in walls.

"I on't understand why I'm the ONLY parson who does the makeover to turn this from a pease of shit threehouse into a badass goodguy layer."

"Because you were dick to Jon and Everyon else is Googling "Hitler ass tatoo.""

"Reely how is that a 19 person job to look on the internet."

Rose got frown of worry. "Never underestimate the intermet." Then she looked around. "Ackshally Equius Gamzee you join Dave. Equius for blowing up a huge chunk of my house and Gamzee for hisstupid soda shit."

Nepeta gasped but was espacially shocked because sh was supposed to be the innocent one aside from Jhon and Jade. "GUYS LOOK WHAT I FONED!"

It was Wikipedia articel! It said that the tattoos ment that they were a part of something called a Hitler Revival Groop!

Rose, Jane, Jake, and Dirk gave the computers SERIOUSLOOK! "

Rose was, "Jnae, look up to see what the Felt is doing."

Jane rolled over to another computer in her revolving chair (Rose needed the first computer to look at porn) and typed a bunch of hacker stuff.

"It looks like the Felt will strike at Hawaii!"

Rose gasped and turned to Jane. "EVERYONE OF THE RAINBOW CREW! WE MUST GO TO THE CONTRY OF HAWAII! NOW!"

"But the day barley started!" John frowned.

"I DON'T CARE!"

Gamzee looked at reader again, "Next up, the Rainbow Crew goz to Hawaii."

* * *

**(Sceratch and his Bitch Damara)**

Scratch was ;look into magic 8balls.

"INCONCIEVABLE! THEY NO THAT I'll send more of felts to the hawaii!"

Damara looked at the inconviebable. "You keep uding that word i dont think it is the meaning go look up princess bride and get your grammer rite you stupid peese of shit. Inconceebavle meens you can't be pregnent or for males you can't be Mpreg."

"HAY! SHUT UP OR I TAKE YOU BREETHING PRIVILIGEST!"

Damra smirked. "hahaha you see you can't force me to woirk for you assholes an6ymore becuz I know your one weakness."

"uh oh..."

Damara lied this next sentence in a attempt to try to take out Felt from inside out (like diarrhea does to the humen body): "But I shall stay with you anyway becuz you tot me that it is good to be bad."

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Okay, I promise the next chapter is where things will get interesting.


	3. To Mt FUUUUUji

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 3: To Mt FUUUUUji**

**Beginning AN:**

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass coin man. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

**(Hellcopter)**

It was still only noon of the day that the Trace and Fin ahad atacked Rose's House Manor. The Rainbow Crew were going to the contry og Hawaii on there helicopter.

John was pimping in first class and held out wine and it was like Alucard of Helsing when he went to Brazil. HAHAHA, those were a funny episoed, huh?

"Fuck, this is amazing." John said. "Hangin' out in a FRACKING HELICOPTER with mah frends and my boyfrend." He kissed Dirk to remind everyone that theyre still going outo, "eating whine, and in first clas. I wonder what the economics class, the trolsl, are up to."

In econ (the trolls had to be in econ class because the first class could onl support not that many people and the 8 humens were fine but not the 12 trolls.), things sucked.

"THIS IS TOO UNCOMFTERIBLE!" Karkt bitched.

Equius did his sunglasses like a meme. "Deel with it."

**CHAPTERR III**

* * *

The hellicopter landed on Hawaii. But it was not a paradise full of naked bouncy women with giant boobs and... uh... sorry I kind of lost terack of my writting. AN WOW i realized how much I can drool...

Instead it was not sunny but CLOUDY and there were sum coins that went from the forest to the town. In town, there was a man (naked becuz the country known as Hawaii is full of nudists) but HE WASN'T MOVING EXCEPT MOUTH.

"Why you don't move?" Asked John.

"THE FOREST! SUMTHINGS FIRING THESE WEERD COINS IN THE AIR FROM THE HAWAII FOREST MAZE! WHEN THEY HIT US, WE CAN'T MOVE!" (an i don't know what quarters and machsticks do so i made up there powers)

"Foprest Maze..." John smiled. "why does this sound like Super Mario RPG, sspecicially the part thats every fan's wet dream?"

Rose glared. "John ew don't tell the everyone about your wet dreems."

"I WAS JUST BEING A METAPHOR! JEEZ!"

And then they saw lots of coins falling from sky and ran to a neer bilding to hide there.

On way, Jade was being a meddler.

"Say john waht are your wet dreems like?"

"STFU i never tell you.

"...

"Ok I tell you. They r involve Dirk and I'm his boyfrend so I guess I had a case of the destinies?"

* * *

**(In Inn)**

There was a little boy there (**NOT** naked becuz ew...) and he was playing with dolls of Gamzee Karkat and Terezi.

"OHJ HOLY SHIT ITS THE FAMIS ZODIACS!" He yelled. He looked like a parody of fantroll.

"Were the Rainbox Crew now." Jake said, "Us 8 humens, the fucking Housestucks, merged teams with them to take out the Fe-"

And then the fan pushed him out of the way and onto the floor to see Gamzee!

"OMG YOU THE FAYGO GUY RITE?"

"Uh... yeah...?"

"WELL I POLAYING KARKAT VS GAMZEE ND I WANT YOU TO HELP ME!"

And rhen he brot out the dolls and put Gamzeedoll facing Karkatdoll with Terezidooll behind Karkatdoll.

"THE GAM EIS... KARKAT THE EVIL MAN KIDNAPED TEREZI AND GAMZEE THE FAYGO HAS TO SAVE HER!"

"HAY WHY AM I THE BADGUY?" Karkat bit ched. "THAT'S IT I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD THIS INN IS, THE OWNERS SUN HATES ME SO =FUCK THIS LET'S FIND A DIFFERENT INN IN HAWAII."

Then the fanboy's mom came in, and she _was_ nudist like most other Hawaii citisens, and she looked HOT.

Karkat blushed. "ok nevermind let's stay at this inn. I'll play."

Fanboy wa, "OK HOLD THE DOLL OF YOURSELF."

And then he roleplayed and it went like this:

Terezidoll: HALP SOMON SAVE ME!

karakdoll: MWA HA HA!

gamzeedoll: MIRICELS AND FAYGO I WILL SAVE1

And then Karkat and Fanboy did a boss fite with the Karkat and Gamzee dolls and it looked like epic swordfight and stuff.

"THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO WIN!" Said Gamzeedoll (not rreally it was Fanboy)

Then the fanboy left.

"OMG this mite be the 'nintendo wet dream' part!" John cheered in excited.

Karkat, who did't pay attention to the conversation just before goin in the inn (he saw a shiny penny), was confused. "WHAT U THINK THE HOT MOM GONNA GIVE U A "SPONGEBATH NOPANTS"? GET REALISITIC!"

"It's sarcasm dumbshit." Roese said.

Then FAnboy came wih a Geno doll of Geno from Super MArio RPG. John did a fangirl screem.

"ILL HEKP" Fanboy did vpoice for Genodoll.

And then he made the doll ocket punch Karkat and Karkat flew back! He would have punched Fanboyy if not for Nepeta keeping him back.

"Do ypou have any gides on how to get to the Forest Maze and take out the source in the forest making those coins? We beleeve, that it is, part of one **The Felt** and we wanna stop him." Rose asked the hot naked mom.

"Well, I think yu need a **guide** or else you get lost and crap."

Suddenly, a star came inbto the room and floated oven the four dolls. It hovered over Karkatdoll... then Terzidoll... then Gamzeedoll... then Genodoll... then Terezidoll... then back to Genodoll... then the star went into Genodoll. Genodoll grew lots of sizes so that it was a big as the kids and then it left.

"OH MAH GAWD DID YOU SEE THAT MOM?" Asked Fanboy.

"Yes what an interesting. ALSO HOLY SHIT DID THAT STUPID STAR NO HOW MUCH MONEY IT TOOK TO BUY THAT EDOLL? RAINBOW CREW, I WANNA YOU TO GO AFTER THAT RIPOFF MAN THING!"

* * *

**(Outside)**

They saw the doll enter the forest maze.

* * *

**(Forest Maze)**

They came to follow Geno up until the road forked where they lost track of him.

"FUCL!" Karkat shouted. "WHAT DO NOW?"

Suddenly, in my a attempt at Family Guy humor, John's head turned into head of Fred from Scooby Doo and he said, "Let's split up, gang!" In Freds vooice but then he turned back after.

"Ok." Rose agreed. "I shall make the teams.

"Team one is John, Jade, Jane, Jake, Tavros, Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi, Vriska, and Gamzee. The idiots noone cares about.

"Team too is-"

"WE NO WHO TEAM TWO IS SO THERE'S NO NEED TO SAY IT IT'S THE REST THAT ARE LEFT!" Larkat bitched.

"Fuck you JKarkat. Teem too is me, Dave, Roxy, Dirk, Aradia, Sollux, Nepeta, Equius, Eridan, Fefferi."

Eridan's head looled up. "Hay sweet I mit be able to make my move on Feferi now that were on the same teem."

They wocked thru the forest folling Genodoll (they didn't really split quite yet they could still see Genodoll it turned out) and found Genodoll sitting there with Clover, Matchsticks, Quarrters, and Crowbar.

"MMORE FELT?" Asked Roxy. "FUCk."

Terezi laffed. "Heh heh what do you think bitch Felt is the reason we came to Hawaii in the first place not to look at naked people."

"Halt." Say Genodoll. "Felt you must leeve this place and stop."

Quearters flipped another coin up and it went to Hawaii town. He first said, "997, 998, 999, 1000! Hell yeah that's my 1000th coin! 1000 more!" Then hr turned to Genodoll and was no longer cheering like idiot. "Wy should we?"

"Becuz I have cool doll powers now stop it."

"NO!"

And then the 4 Felts found segways and hopped on them and drove out of the forest maze and into the trail to a Hawaii volcaino! Genodoll got on another segway and followed them.

Ther were only twpo segways so the teams had rto tower up on each of them.

* * *

**(Up the Volcano Pathway)**

The Volcaino path was SPIRAL sort of. Teem1 and Teem2 were both close to Genodoll but they were kind of far from Felt.

Suddenly, there was a cop car hiden, but the cop didn't see felt becuz they had passed while he wasn't paying attntion when the Felt passed only the heroes this is so that the plot advances. (Um... otherwise the timeloine would be doomeD? I think I hear that for Homestuck so I think it applies to Homestuck fan fiction as qell yeah he was also keeping the timeline from Dooming Off.) Then the copo sped after Team1&2, and Geno!

"HALT!" Yelled the cop (Cheef Wiggim from Simpsons) "YOUR UNDER ARREST FOR SPEEDING!"

And then they began to pull over until Wiggiem got out hius pistol and started shooting at them! And was driving after them (they sped up after the first shots), and using the gun still to shoot!

"Hay..." Roxy jjoked. "Wiggim's using 1 hand to steer another to shoot gun... how did he get so good at driving with one hand huh? Wink"

"He was prossibly masterbating." Dirk ansered.

"Way to ruin joke." Roxy pouted.

Meenwile, on team 1, Jade was askking John something.

" John why aren't you making out with Dirk?"

"EW! WERE ON DIFFERENT TEEMS! THAT'S SICK1 i will only mary someone on this tema."

Jade smiled until Jane and Jake opened there motherfucking traps.

Jane said, "What do you think of a relationship with me?"

"yur kind of boring and average."

Jake was, "Porque, do you wanna relationship me then?"

John was, "Grow sum tits and I'll think about it. I am not a homo."

"WHAT ABOUT DIRK AND USED TO BE DAVE?" Karkar.

"Dave made me no homo in the first place since he sucekd and Dirk well he's exception. Say KAnaya, why not if I choose to mary you?"

"My boyfriend just died two nites ago you insensitive fuck."

"Gamzaee, just in case what if I marry you?"

"Ok but you'll have to pay the check when we eat out in dates."

"Aw shite. Um... Terezi?"

"I AM ONLY ATACKTED TO PEOPLE WHO WERE KNIGHTS IN HOMESTUCK. LIKE KARKAT, DAVE, OR LATULA."

"Tavros?"

"Uh... That's sweet."

"Ok then it's settled I'll break up with Dirk and marry Tavros."

"WHAT HAPENED TO THE NO-HOMO?"

"Eh... I am not a Male!Jakesexual. Dirk is, tho, so you can be with him when I breakup."

"You don't have to break up with him!" Jane yelled. "This team thing is only temporary, and it should not affect relationships in any way whatsoever!"

"o your rite about the teems being dismissed once this mission is over. I guess then I can be with him after the merge."

Then Wiggin shot there segway and the Team 2 segway, and Genodoll's segway! And drove up to them!

"Aw crap, we're dead!" Shouted Dave.

But then Genodoll got idea! He used powers to make the rocks of the volcaino do a obstacle wall that temporally prevented Wiggim from shooting them! Then he telekinesis'd two school busses, one yellow and one purple. The yellow was for Team1 and the purple was for Team2.

"Oh hay guys I didn't notife you." Genodoll said.

"THEN WHY DID YOU SCHOOL BUS? ARE BOTH FOR YOURSELF?" Karkat asked.

Genodoll got wise look. "I was tto originally throw them but I guess your teams can have them and oh I dunno Team1 can be in Yellow and Team2 can be in purple."

"WHAT TEAM YOU BE ON, DICKWAD?" Karkat bitched. "AND IF YUOU PICK THEN THE TEEMS BE OUTNUMBERED? ALSO WHAT IS YOUR NAME ASSFACE?"

"I no care if teems unbalance." Said Rose. "Numbers are not everything."

Genodoll went on, "I perfer to hang out with Team1 since they seem cooler. Even Jane. Also my nam is Hart Eight Note Explanation Point Question Point (an i not sure if ffn can do his letters right) but htat's long and hard to pronounce sao call me Geno since that's the name of doll. BTW I chose the Genodoll to possess because it looked the strongest."

Karkat bitched, "WAIT THERE'S DOLLS OF ME GAMZEE AND TERZI SO BY SAYING THAT STUPID WOOD IS LOOKED STRONGER DOEZ THAT MEAN YOU'RE INSULATING US?"

"Yes. Now, i tell you my backstory. **ONCE UPON A TRIP A GIANT SWORD CAME DOWN AND CRASHED INTO A ROD THAT'S MADE OF STARS AND THEN THEY SCA**- no. ZSee, I was bodygard for the Princess of Cherubs known as one Calliope. YTou see, the Felt are also after hertrying to kidnap her and kill her. Mabey not in that order but I dunno."

Rose proudly said, "We killed two of the Felt. Fin and Trace."

"Yes, but that was only two. To overcome and kill the other 13, (not 14 becuz keep Handmaid alive cuxz i like trolls), you must go through a jorney. Well, you have gont through a jorney, but IT HAVE JUST BEGUN. The rest of the jorney will have Pikmin, love n-drangles, tanks, volcainos, genderswaps, tits, brits, mits, hits, and, amung other things, Solid Snake naked." Geno said solomly.

"WHAT WE WAITING FOR?" Dirk shouted in an adventure accent, "LET'S GET INTO THESE BUSSESS AND GET ARE ASSESS OVER TO KILL THESE FELT AND CONTINUE JORNEY!"

Unfortunley the Wiggem had popped climed over the rock wall. But by this point the teams went into there schoolbusses.

* * *

**(In Volcano Caves)**

The road started to FORK and they lost track of Felt so they just split up. They did NOT burn up from volcano lava becuz the schoolbusses had air conditioners. Flew, thank goodness for Geno giving them the buses!

* * *

**(Teram 1)**

John had no place to sit! Suddenly, Jade!

"Joh sit with me." She offered, patting the open seat next to her.

"Aw what the hell."

Vriska wass driving for Team1 and Nepetra was driving for Teem2.

"So John, did you consider marry me?" Jade asked. "When we on segway i was the only person girl you didn't answer."

"yeah sure why the fuck not."

Then Jad blushed, and nosebleed all over the buss.

Geno, who was siting behind them, asked, "Ho ho! Ther's love in air!"

Karkat raged at Vriska meenwile. "VRIA DRIVE FASTER!"

"No. I need to take turns rite or else we fall in lava."

"GR... VIAGRA DRIVE FASTER!"

Virksa sighed. "Terezi pleese slap him. I can't becuz I'm driving."

Then Terezi slapped Karkat in face.

* * *

**(Teem 2)(**

"HAY!" Rose yelled in an excite. "I THINK I SEE THE FELTS! STILL ON THERE SEGWAYS LIKE STUPIDS!"

Nepetas was, "UI don't want to drive in such a way that so fast we';ll fall into lava. Otherwise AC will become." And dramatic effect. "A burnt cat."

Merenwile, Equius was chatting casually and swagly with Dirk about MLP: FIM.

"What you think of Ponies." Equius asked.

"IT'S A DUMB AS FUCK MEME AND I'VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW BU I NEVER WIL BECUZ THE FADOM - part of it -SUCKS AND THEAT REALLY RUINS IT FOR ME AND SHIT. RAEG."

Equius shouted, "calm your tits bro"

"o ok but i still hate it"

Meenwile, Eridan was trying to hit on Feferi but he got rejected agan.

Aradia and Solux were looking out backl.

Sollux asked, "AA my motherfucker, whats wrong?"

"The cop. I don't think he's done."

Suddenly, Wiggem busted thruough and drove in his cop car!

"Freeze gfuckers!" He yelled.

And he shot back to bus open and theen it broke apart and there was no back wall.

"HURY!" Sollu ordered in his usual serious mode. "ARADIA SIT DOWN ON SEET OR WE MITE FALL OUT OF BACK!"

But it was too late, becuz Eradia hasd to be showy and do that coolstoic stance thing and she and Sollux were sucked out like airplane when you open it midaitr! They landed on Wiggam's windshield!

"Hay what is it raining trolls... LOL!" Wiggim laffed and then ate a donut and got out gun.

Back on bus Rose looked (from her seat sitting next to Dirk wile Dave and Roxy sitting next to eachoterh.)

"Fucking cops. They try to be good but it sucks when they're reallity stopping the goodguys from achaually being good." Rose said wisley.

"I MISS JOHN!" Dirk bitched.

"Get over him."

"No i want to go back to dattin him and shit."

"Your a pussy then. John himself has goten over and in fact rumors by Roxy says that he's considering a rebound incase you break up over the teams."

"Ok then i'll try not to make my life revolve around Joonh."

Roxy overherd and got out iphone with whip app and used the whip app. Dave giggled. Roxy wonked at Dave.

"I thot you were too cool to laught."

Dave blushed and pulled his shades over his haed and ran away from Roxy. But when he got off seat, the pressure sucked him out and he also landed on Wiggim's car!

* * *

**(A LITTLE INTO THE PAST)**

Wiggim had gotten sick of Aradian and Sollux, who at this point had ran up to the top of his car. He then, "OK I SHOOT YOU NOW!" And got out gun and fired.

Aradia got scared for the first time. "Shit I mit die!"

Then Sollux grabbed Aradia by shoulders. "In are last moments let us make the sex."

"No."

"Aw crap..."

But then, BANG BANG BANG it was Wiggem's gun! (Not then doing it because Aradia rejected Sollux like Feferi rejects Eridan)

And they ran arond like clueless shits trying to luck to avoid the bullets but then the timeline went to present again and Dave joind them on car.

"Sup." Said Dave. Then he loked at car. "Hay i no a way to stop this thing."

And he juped to the red-blue lites on tbe cop car that go WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO and waited. And Wiggim shot. And the bullet pierced the engine in the lites, and the car began to fail. But not only was it slowing down, it also accientally went off the narrow trail it was on, and fell towards the lava!

"ah." Screemed Dave and Aradia and Sollux and Wiggim.

* * *

**(Team 1)**

The cop car fell on another pathway it turns out and it wasn't going for lava. The 3 people in Team1 saw the bus and was all, "WE'RE SAVED!"

Vrska stopped the bus but saw the teem members. "NO ACCEPT THE OTHER TEAM!" And then she drove off. What a jerk!

but then the team2s saw lite at enfd of tunnel! (End towerds volcaino not into Heven)

They landed on the platoo of the volcaino's mountain, with the Team1 buss!

Aradia slapped Vriska once got out (iot's count as shipping because blackrom) "thats for not hellping out other teem."

"But we're diferent teams." Vriska argued.

"YES BUT THAT NO MEEN WE MUST KILL EACHOTHER! IT JUST TEAMS! WE MUST COOPERATE IN TRIMES OF NEED!"

Sudennly, it turns out the Felt wasn't on that parth! They were by the Team1!

"Well what should we do?" Dave asked, bored and worried that John will kick his as over the bear incident.

"you shal FREEEZE SUCKA!"

It was Wiggim again! That gu just won't give up! And he was the point gun at them!

"ok i get sick of this now..." Tavors siad before picking up rock and throwing it at head.

"Urgh..." Siad Wiggem as he got hit in hed. "I should really go to Grand Canyon for this vacatiopn and not Hawaii... WAIT I COULD GO RITE NOW SINCE I STILL HAVE 1 WEEK!"

Then he ran back into valcano tunnels, got into his kickass cop car which was still kind of fucked up from you know falling a shitload of height, but manajed to repair it. So he flew off to the Grand Conyon off the country of Hawaii and to the United Stats.

"THANK GOD WE NEVER HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAN!" Yelled John in a happy.

* * *

**(Team2)**

They dived to catch up with the Felt on a Volcain Area That Its Middle Of The Ring Inside (not the core of eerth it's actually very far from that very high) Where there was a long branch of rock that stuck towards the center of the colcaino circle opening thing. So the felt surrounded!

"We got you" says Roes "Now give the fuck up."

But then Crowbar did tha "whack his wepon in his hands to look tough" thing with his crowbar, then got out bomb! "Are sience guy Stich had copy pasted the bomb you used aganst Fin and Trace."

And they blew it up, but the next four Felts that were there with the Rainbow Crews did not die because losing 4 more to a bomb in the same way would bereally lame. Insteade it just nocked the platform they were on and they all fell down the volcaino towards lava.

But then, volcno errupted! The gassess from it before the actual lava came up had had pushed them like balloon and they fluew up. Dirk and Equius hath flown out of the Team2's bus however so they had to act quiuckly or else they might die from heat exhast. So Equius grabbed dirk, got out chunk of rock from volcano wall, and used it as SKATE to SKATE up the walls when the lava and air pushed them up and theyn they made it to the top and rode down to the platoo with the Team1 and Aradia and Sollu and Save.

"Now that i saved life you have to appreshiate the value of MLP FIM." Said Equius.

"No it's still memes." Said Dirk.

When will he learn not to bitch sabout something you haven't wached. (Unless it's Twiligt m i rite?)

* * *

**(team 2 again but not really since half of them aren't there)**

The bus landed on another platoo, but this on top. So they could see that the volcaino was not just any generic volcano on hawaii but.. MT FUJI! (yeah not a big plot twist tho since it was said in the title of chapter)

Roxy noticed Erisan and ship tease of wwissards ensured. "HAY ERIDAAN THERE'S ME ROSE FEFERI AND NEPETA AND YOU THAT'S 1 GUY WITH 4 GIRLS! DO YOU FEEL LIKE SEX?"

Eridan looked up in hapy. "Well I don't wanna be coitus yet but I am interested in dating and filling quadrents. Nep your thots?"

"No I like Sollux."

"Rose?"

"Aw why the fuck not. CXome here dickass."

And then they kissed. Boy, wait until Sollux saw that!

* * *

**(FELT)**

They errupt landed by Team,1. Jane walked up to them and blushed.

"Hey, um... you know, I think we could use a little proof to see if you guys are _really_ members of a Hitler revival group... so... could you... show us your tattoos?"

"Ok."

Then Clover (Wait he's not child is he?) Crobar Machsticks and Quarters mooned them and Jane drooled.

"_Oh yes_..."

Crowbar then noticed Geno and then, "O fuck its Geno. I report this to Scratch now bie bie."

And he got jetbpack and flew off.

Machsticks snarked, "This is kind of a outnumber. Let's get chase some others."

And they ninja leaped the rocks of the errupting mount fuji to climb up to where the other half of Team2 was, and there was lava going down from the top but it wasn't to themn yet.

"NO U NOT LEEVE TO FITE GENO!" shout geno, as he hopped to folow them too. Along the way matchsticsk droped machstick and it turned into a fire and it turned into a FUTURE MATCHSTICK (that is kind of his power rite? he sets a stick dwon and it bursts on fire and it's like a warp point?) so he got Geno Striked.

**DEAD BUT IT'S A FUTURE SELF SO TECHNICALLY NOT REALLY YET.**

So then the others felt met up by the rest half of Team2. The ones who still had the bus. But then Geno joined them.

Meatchsticks, not knowing that he will die after doing this, opened a fire and went back in time to when Geno killed him.

**SO NOW HE DEAD.**

Then Clover and Quarters got out guns and started shoting at them.

"EEK!" Eridan screamed like girl. "WE ALL DIE NOW SINCEW WERE THE WEEKEST OF THE RAINBOW CREW!"

But then Geno cached up with them a Geno sheelded! the bullets relected off of the Geno Sheeld and back to the Felt guys. but Cloveer was so lucky that the bullets magically missed him and changed direction so that they hit Quaters instead.

**ANDOTHER DEAD.**

Clover was too lucky for guns and when Geno tried to one hit kill Genowhirl it didn't do jack shit instead, MISS.

So Geno just took a chunk of rock and stabbed Clover with it.

**DEAD TIMES THREE.**

"wow geno that was kind of cool and also sexy. No wonder John describes the original Super Mario RPG plottwist as ninteno fan's wet dreem." Gushed Roxy.

"Can you train us since were useless shits out of them team?" Asked Rose.

Geno looked back. "No. Fuck you!"

"Pweese?" Asked Nepeta like a MOE.

"Aw ok."

Then Geno turned to the STILL shooting up lava. And there was some lava that was flowing towards them.

"I was came from a lower platoo let's go there so that we have more time to come up with plan to GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS VOLCANO!"

So then Geno did a powerful jump on the chunk of ock and it broke off and they rode it down just before the lava got to them and they Geno skated it made it to the other platoo and the impact of it caused the OTHER one to break off so they went, flying down, sort of like skating (liek what Equius and Dirk did earlier), and into oshin.

Once they made it, the citizens of Hawaiia and there king George W Bush was there.

Bush sad, "THAT YOU FOR SAVING US. BUT THE VOLCANO ERRUPTS?"

A random naked citizen said, "Dufe the valcaino is too far from are village the only thing that will burn is the forest maze."

"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FORET MAZE THAT'S ARE INVIRONMENT!" Bitched an invionmentallist.

Geno spoke like wise. "That is just the nature. The volcaino must lava over and when it does, the minerals will mix with the remains of the plants to create new species while lab people keep samples of the old species alive to prevent extinctions. oh btw none of us have the kind of power to stop that much lava. yet..."

Rose smiled for once. "This is a good thing now that we killed off 3 of the Felt. Now let's go back to are original houses and relax. Unless we were to build up the treehouse sum more..."

Gamzee signed off, "Next time, BIG PLOT TWIST and also SOMON DIEDS!"

**5/14 Green Torsos Dead**

**0/0 Gray Torsos Dead (Geno said not to kill Damara so they don't kill her anymore)**

**0/1 White Torsos Dead (Scratch)**

**Dead:** Trace, Fin, Matchsticks, Quarters, Clover

* * *

**(Screatch yet again)**

Crowbar flew to him. "Hay scratch-"

"YEAH I NO DUMMY I HAVE A CRISTAL BALL!" He yelled. He was madangry! "HOW DARE THEY KILL OFF ONE THIRD OF MY FORCES IN JUST TWO DAYS! THAT'S IT! WE NEED A REAL PERSON ON THIS!"

Damara sneered. "Wat you can't just sire people off the streets."

"OH YEAH? WATCH ME." he banned his hand against the table. "GET ME UNDERCOVER BROTHER!"

"Wong show dumbass you accidentaly copied too much of the quote you were referencing and also included the name."

"oops. i meen to say, GET ME MEENAH PEIXEZ!" (nto piexies because i red that trolls don't have borthers and why would Feferi and Maaneh be sisters anyway if that's the case Hussie made a error there so I fixed it by changing the last names of alpha trolls.)

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Well I kind of liked this chapter but it was something of a pain to get it all done before my self-set deadline.

Anyway, one more chapter to go before the end of the season. I'll explain about when the next season will start after publishing the chapter in question.


	4. More Trolls?

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 4: More Trolls?**

**Beginning AN:**

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass doll. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

**(Damara and Meenah)**

On the nite of the day that the Rainbow Crew went to Hawaii, Damara went to Meenah's and nocked on door. She walked in.

"Hay what the fuck are you?" Meenah asked.

"I the number 8 member of the Felt."

"O crap is that a high rank cuz 8 mite be high in case there's not that many people."

"No you got it backwords you see the lower the number the higher the rank in the usual case it's like that beracracy in _Futurama_ (AN first reffence there will be more later on this chapter a LOT more) with some exceptions like 7 is the third in comand and I am the second. The first in comand has no number he's just a cue."

"Why you came?"

"I thought you mmmight want to join Felt."

"Ok where we go then to get there I'm interested."

So then she took her on jetpack, and it was kind of shit teasing because she (Damara)_ was holding she (Meenah) romansliy.

**CHAPTAR IV**

* * *

**(Rainbow Crw Treehouse)**

They were watchinmg _Futarama_ on a shitty small TV. When Rose walked in and, "GOOD NEWS EVEYONE!"

Only the trolls were there for some reason and thre reson is about to be fined out now. "WHAT COULD BE GOOD IN THIS WETHER? THERE SO MUCH SNOW, IT'S SNOWING IN BRAZIL! BRAZIL!" Karkat bitched.

"It's a surprise."

Then the doors opened and the other seven kidss walked in carrying a bigass HD plasma screen TV with 3D and Youtube. They landed it. Rose continued talking, "We all 8 of us went to your old base and got this and transported it here first by car then we carried it. TBH I kind of left them while they were climbing the tree (the hardest part!) to go up and tell you so that the news be a shock."

Dave glared at her. "Yea you made us do the dirty work at the hard part WTF?"

"Noone cares about your opinons Dave."

"You were kind of being ass matefuck." Said Jake.

"O NOEZ YOU RIGHT!"

Karkat smiled for the first time in the fan fic and threw the old TV out of the treehouse. "FUCKING SWWEET! I LIKE YOU SO MUCH NOW I WANNA MAKE LOVE TO YOU!"

"Ew all 8 of us at once?" Rose shook head.

"Sounds HAWT." Said Roxy.

Copy-pasting from the big bang theory, John said, "Well all be naked and in front of eachother."

"ew" Jade said but not towards the thought of John the thought of the other 6 a-holes naked.

Vriska glared at Karkat. "HAY! YOU DIDN"T PUT FUTREAMA ON THE OTHER TV! WERES MISSING IT!"

So they did really fast! But then, news!

The reporter who lkooked like sex was reporting in a very sexy way. Hot.

"This just in there has been sum terrible news about a aircraft carrier gettting hijacked!"

"IT'S LIKE SHIPPING?" Said Nepeta. "I wonder what ship that be simbolic of."

"Fry/Leela LOL." SAid John and everyone laughed.

But then they also took a moment to ponder what has hapened.

* * *

**(THE PAST BEFORE THE INVANSION at the Felt place)**

Damara and Meenah were there and they saw Scratch.,

"IT IS GOOD THAT YOU AARE HERE MEENAH!" He said hapily. But he was also a little disapointed becuz he was fantasizing about what it would be like to have Undercover Brother on his team and picturing him naked and UB was censored by a censor bar like the other naked peopl in this story.

And then he, "I like how your reely killer like. Here, you get to be a fekt!"

And then he handed her a 8.5 hat, and Damara l;ooked at her 8 hat like jealous. "She has a bigger number then me!"

"WELL YOU THREAT TO REBELL SO YEAH." Scratch said.

"BUT I SAID THAT BEFORE AND NOW I WANNA CHANGE MIND!" and to think of it she used to want to rebel but for this moment she actualy wanted to be a good Felt!

Then Scratch said, "Ok on this night right now I want you to get on the one little hellcopetr I have on the top of my manshin and go to this aircraft carrier called the _Planet Expres_ and invad it like Lrr of Omnicron Pussyeye 8 does.

On roof, it was only Meenah wile Damara was there I guess to ensue that she'll be safe and stuff like that.

"ok i go on mission now." Said Meenah..

But then, Damara got idea!

"Wait hold on..."

"What? water"

"I need to inspect the hellcopter to see if there's something wrong with it. Get out incase it explodes on you or something dumb and cliche like that."

So then Meenah got out and Damara went in and pretended to check it but then, took off with the fucking vehicel!

"HAY!" Yelled Meenah.

Scratch came up and smiled. "Well at least she's actually DOING the shit that she's suposed to do by actualy WORKING with the Felt insted of sitting there and snarking kinf of like Noah from Total Drama except that Noah comes from a different Webcomic. Also I get the opertunity to put on a Hitler Ass Tattoo to you. Don't worry it will only hurt a lot. like hell."

Meenah's eyes were wider. "A tattoo of A Hitler on my but? Bich I may have gotten tattoos but I don't want one of THAT jackass!"

And then she ran off, and Scratch was mad, because he lost his big black fuzzy balls TWICE! (his 8ball members Meenah and mabey Damara based on how she wanted to detrade them, and the balls of Undercover Brother because he was imaginarty)

* * *

**(The President)**

Rose putfolded her hands together in reaction to the news report and she looked like Integra from _Hellsing_."**Bad news everyone** I think we need to send someon."

"Send all of us." Said Sollux.

"No." Rose said. "It would be cramping up like when we went to Hawaaii but Hawaii was sort of a big trip so it made a little more sense. I do not want to be cramped up in are stupid hellcopter all the time."

"I have no strong fealings one way or the other." Said Aradia like the nootrals in Futurama.

Equius had idea. "We could do a Fry-Leelea-Bender."

Rose rubbed chin "hm..." and looked around room.

John was trying to open a can of faygo and accidently hit Jade in eye when heis arm flew back. "Ow!" Jade yelled when Kanaya looked at the hit eye and said, "You got a black eye here let me patch." And put eye patch on her.

Then John himself was, "I realy cold" and put on a red jacket.

Futrama came back on the TVC and Geno was oggling the hookerbots because he was a sick pervert in that way.

Rose snaped fingers. "We must send John (Fry), Jade (Leela), and Geno (Bender)."

Meenwile, Dave was on one of thre treehouse couches writting on a notebook. Roxy noticed.

"WACHAWRITTING IS IT PORN?" Roxy asked.

"It's a secret." Then he looked over at Roxy "But trust me I think that I will get the respect once this is finished and I put it to use."

"ARE YOU SUGESTING SECXUAL INTERCORSE WITH ME?"

"no"

* * *

**(On Copter)**

"Jde your not a piss because I hit eye right?"

Jade was piloting because she was the best pilot of thre three even with one eye in a patch to heal better. "No, I could never stay mad at you you lovibel oaf!"

Geno rolled his puppet eyes and, "HAY DINGUS (john) JADE LOVES YOU!"

And then Geno got out camra and it life feed everything to the Rainbow Crew so that they ccan see this. He was also recording back when he told John about the crush.

John gasped! "But I'm in a relationship with Dirlk!"

Back in treehouse Dirk sighed in releef.

But then John said, "If we break up I can date whoever I want and Tavros asked me first. Then again I also like Teerzi and then there's Rose and Nepeta or Feferi but then I..."

Jade looked down in depression. "Do you at the very leest look at a possibility of us ever hooking up?"

"Yeah I ship us.."

Jade looked up in eager.

"AS MORAILS!"

"wtf is a morail?"

"It means the same thing as friend."

* * *

**(Inside Aircraft carrier)**

Damara was in the room.

"HOLY CRAP SHE'S GONNA KILL US ALL!" Yelled worker.

"I'm not gonna kill you."

The same worker was, "o so we hostages? YAY WE DON'T GET TO WORK!"

"No i'm not even gonna hold hostige. You guys keep doing whatever job. I'm just here becuz at first I wanted to impress my boss but then I thought, 'HAY WAIT WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING' but my boss threats to kill me for not obaying him so I will fake doing this."

"FUCK WE STILL MUST WORK!"

And the workers groaned. Damara went outside to the deck on top and saw the copter.

"Hay it's the cops mabey if I tell them about Felt they will try to kill them with me and I won't be forced to work for them to make up for the debt I made when I tried to blackmail them for buying marawana."

But it was John, Jade, and Geno!

Damara said, "We are the Troll section of the Felt the _**entire**_ troll section of the felt" Like Robodon about the Rbot Mafia in Futureama. "Only we are short one troll but I dunno I kind of new her and she might betray them upon finding out about the Hiterl Ass Tattoo."

John blushed. "Aw man, killing cute girls wan't part of mishin! But I have to do it anyway!"

Damara said, "Wait no! I don't really want to work for Felt I want to kill them. But If I try to then the'll try to kill me because one time in the past..."

* * *

**(Flasnback)**

Damara was looking at Scratch going into drug store. (Not like illegal drugs but like those stores close to Walmart) He hasd on Ben Stiller shades so that noone can recognize them. Damara got suspicious because usualy those that dress like that want to buy porn so she folowed because she was curious was there really porn in a drugstore?

"I want to buy marawana." Said Scratch.

"Ok said desk.

And then the desk gave him pot!

"HAHA!" Shouted Damara and she ninjajumped out of store isle and snapshoked a picture of him! "I caught you red handed. Or... _green handed_!"

Then Scratch got a look of worry!

"O um..." Then he said, "SO THAT YOU DON'T BLACKMAIL, YOU MUST WORK FOR FELT OR I KILL YOU!"

Then he ran away so that people won't see him, and dropped his shades, and Dave who was in Kamina Shades picked up the stiller shades and decideed to wear them because he looks better like Stiller then Kamina even though Kamina is awesome (I just can't imagine Vamina dying!) But Dirk looks OK like Kamina.

* * *

"It is a tragic backgstory." John said.

"Bite my shiney wooden ass." SAid Geno in his Bender acting.

Sudenly, John got pestered by Dirkk!

BE [that's dirk]: John myboyfriend how's it goin Geno stoped recordin for some reason.  
GT: [that's john i herd that he was EB because of trolls and the trols didn't see him during the fan fic so now): pretty fucking good!  
GT: can we get frinch fries from macdolands after i come back from mission?  
BE: Oh yeah about that  
BE: I think that you and I should, on diet.  
GT: on diet?  
GT: I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!

* * *

**(Treehouse)**

Dirk's eye twitched like he was going to go crazy.

"You and John broke up? Welcom to the club." Snarked Dave as he kept writing something.

"Dirk, you don't look so well..." Jane said.

"I'm... fine... mwa ha ha! I WILL KILL JOHN NOW FOR BREKING UP WITH ME oops did I say that loud."

* * *

**(carreer)**

Damara looked at her Handmaid dress, and ripped oit off! John and JAde gasped! (Geno continued playing as Bender by looking around the planes and hellcopters on the carrier to look for stuff to steal!)

"So THAT's what a troll's junk looks like!" Shouted John.

"I ditched my Handmaid suit because it was Felt. And now I don't want to work for Felt I want to work for you. Now help me rid this Hiter Tattoo."

So then John got out match to burn it! But then he held it close, and the tattoo started moving! It shouted gibberish that kind of sounded like Jar Jar Binks before jumping off of Damara's butt and growing legs and arms made out of ink and yelling! Then it ran into the rooms inside the carrier and so John Jade and Damara folloed.

* * *

**(RoomS)**

The Tattoo ink monster killed everyone abord! There were more good guys dead then there were in _Bleach_!

"Ooops I hope this doesn't count as me killing them..." Said Damara.

"Put some clothes on I may be a guy but I don't like seeing you naked all the time." sAid John.

Suddenly, Geno!

"WHAT THE HELL HAPENED HERE!" Geno yelled.

Then the tattoo monster did a shcocking twist and killed Geno! He ripped the star spirit out of the doll, and stabbed trhe star thingy dead!

"Misa gonna go into the movies now! Bye bye!" Said the monster agan sounding like Jarjar Binks.

"YOU KILLED GENO YOU ASSHOLE!" Shouted John. "JADE DO SOMETHING."

And then Jade got out rifel and shot it at the tattoo and it exploded in ink everywhere. Then Damara put on her outfit from the leaked sprites (oh shit um... let's just say before that the update that shows her happens, she's wearing a cosplay of Amy from Futurama.)

* * *

**(Outside of Carrier)**

They look head over towards the hellcopter to find it crash landed.

"What happened here what hell?" Asked Damara angry.

Jade rolled her eyes. (But we couldn't see the 1 behind the patch) "Wel..."

* * *

**(Flashback so that Geno can be ain this story a little longer even though he died)**

"Hay I want to play as Alucard now this Bender thing sucks." Whined Geno.

"Da fuq?" Asked Jade.

"Al Card Badguy is vampir from _Helsing_ and he dive-bombed a plane onto a carrier once in that manga. Let me do it."

"BUT WE HAVE NO WAY BACK!" Shouted Jade.

"Well this bigas ship kind of IS a one way back!"

Jade sighed. "Ok do it but don't be a try to kill us!"

"ok." And then he took over the pilot and then like the Leroy Jenkins meme, "ALCARD! BADGUY!"

* * *

"And so that's what's left of the hellcopter."

"Well that sucks."

Jade took note of her blood color., "Say you a reblood so you have sykicks?"

"Yea also I can when I was forced to Felt I was allowed to sample this shit called 'Vitimin Scratch' it's what's making my eyes go all YELLOW BLUE RED PURPLE ORANGE GREEN BROWN BLACK like billiards and hurting peols eyes."

Jade sighed again. "It's give me the headache."

"Don't worry it will wear off and since IU am no longer Felt I can't get it again unless I want to but even so I don't reely. So the Vitamin Scratch lets me also use phycicks so I add on to it."

And then she moved the carrier towards land. But since it was far out in sea this might take a while.

"Sin this is far out in the sea this might take a while. Go on, go to sleep."

* * *

**(Bedroom)**

The aircraft carrier had only one bed so Jhon and Jade had to sleep in it. The trolls on the other hand were nocturnal (except jadbloods) so Damara who was a tyroll by the way in case you forrgot was still awake.

John and JAde were sleeping in the same bed _**WHOOOOO**_ no ill stop now. Then John's computer rang. It was pester from Dave!

TG: hay something fucked up with genos recording now i dont no how things went  
GT: he stoped recording. bettery died.  
TG: o  
GT: also geno died.  
TG: no!  
GT: and i think damara wants to quit felt  
TG: yay  
GT: and be a part of rainbow crew!  
TG: double no!  
GT: wait what's wong with that?  
TG: one aries troll is creepy enough  
GT: no she's cool.  
GT: jade and i even saw her naked!  
TG: da fuq?  
GT: long story i'll exxplain when i'm not trying to sleep with jade.  
TG: da fuq?  
GT: not in the sexual manner.  
TG: o rite  
TG: otherwise dirk would get mad  
TG: wait you two broke up  
GT: yep!  
GT: i'm a free man now!

Then John and Dave talked about unimportant shit like slurm and hipnotoad (**ALL GLORY TO HIPNOTOAD)** when Jade smelt the smoke of a ciggatret!

"Who the hell are you?" She asked a guy who looked like Pip from _Hellsing_.

"I am Pip from _Hellsing_ I am a gost because someone's... let's say it was a vehicle accident. I wanna tell you that this relationship kind of reminds me of this girl that I never met when I was alive. Her name was Seras Vicria. As a man who ghosted recently I saw her an was like, 'HOLY CARP SHE HAWT!' but couldn't make the moves because I was ded and vampires can't see ghosts unles the vampires are vampire ghosts."

"Wat."

"The important thing is that John and Dirk broke up so now you can make move on him. Hurry! I don want you to be like me, where you die!"

"Or also like Leela in Fry/Amy fan fics!" But she didn't think it was funy because she was the sane pilot with one eye that Leela took the role.

"Who's the ghost you're talking to?" John asked.

"YOU CAN SEE HIM?" Jade asked.

"No poop sherlock anyone can see ghosts except vampires unless they are vampire ghosts."

Then Pip vanished. But then as a voice he said, "Now that I have atention I must tell you that during ghost powers I can have the ability to bring up to 6 people back to life at once then I must go to Heven."

"HAY! WE CAN BRING GENO BACK!" John cheered pessimisticly.

"Yes but I can only the revive move once. It just hapens to use enuff energy to revive 6 people. If I use it one one person the energy for the other 5 goes to waste. So only use this in emergencies." Then he reely left.

Jade took deep breth and went to talk to John about relationship...

But he was kissing Damara!

"Damn, what a slut!" Jade said.

But she still liked him because they were similar but little did she know that popular ships were opposites attract! (Is that why ther's more fanart of John/Dave **YAOI!** then John/Jade?)

* * *

**(Treehouse)**

Dirk was watching this using th Autoresponder. He was even madder!

"Gamzee."

"What Honk honk faygo." Gamzee answered to Dirk.

"I'm thinking of going crazy and attempted murder. Any advice?"

"Here a better idea honk honk."

"What it is?"

"**DON'T**!"

* * *

**(This chapter have no scene with Scratch and Handmaid since Handmid is gone now)**

Meenah was watching ALL of this on her Mac which is beter then a PC (what is PC famis for? SYSTEM EERROR lol that's a Futurama) and then the camera panned to show that... SHE WAS IN GRANCD CANYON, and there was a shitload of bottles of Vitamin Scratch, so Meenah can flashy eyes and psycicks for a long time!

"Mwah ha ha!" She laughed. "i am going to build an evil dungeon here right now, and it will be MORE then those stupid Rainbow Crews can do as of the numbers right now!"

Meanwhile Aranea saw this and was hiding behind tree (this takes place in the same forest that the Housestucks fought Vriska) and gasped and ran over to airport.

At airport, "I want to Chigaco."

On the airplane she was unfamiliar with Earth airplanes so she was thought it was really cool and shouted, "WHOO!"

Another passenger of the plane rolled eyes and, "tourists," making it another Futurama ferefence.

* * *

**(Ship)**

John and Damara were hugging on the front of the ship and the water was splashing against it and it looked cool. Jade was sitting next to them looking sad. They were posing together cool like this the reason being that Jade farted and John and JAde left the room to get some air while the room aired out.

"When do you think we'll make it?" John asked Damara.

"I sorry but my not-too-strong-when alive powers plus little amount of Vitamin Scratch that's wearing off too plus the bigass size of this equals that it will take until morning."

Jade smiled and looked at camra. "For us, it takes until morning. However, for you, the author needs som more info on those new Homestuck trolls that came out of nowhere and to use them for the next chapters since they will focis on dickfaces like Kankri Porrim and Latula. And Aranra and Meenah and Daarma and Mituna and Moolin and-"

"ARGH! TOO MAANY TROLLS1" Screamed reader, as the reader's head exploded.

"Yes that's a lot plus the 4 unnamed and the classic 12 trolls. The Good onces. Knwoing the updates this may take some time so don't be pissed if this hiatuses."

John decided to be edge and made fun of the most recent pages. "WHEN WIL MY CANON SELF STOP BITCHEING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND GET TO THE FUCKING TROLLS! I HATE IT! IT MAKES THE SHIP TRIP TAKE LONGER ON A FOURTH WALL LEVEL AND IT JUST FUCKING SUCKS! MARGH I HATE THE CANON'S PLOT DRRAGGING ON! GOD AND I CAN'T REELY BE HAPPY ON THIS SHIP ALONE WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT ROSE AND ROXY AND JAKE AND THE TROLLS R UP TO ALSO FUCK DAVE FOR THE BEAR, FUCK DIRK FOR THE FRIES, fuck jane because shes boring, AND I WANT TO WATCH FUTURAMA BUT ALL THE SHITTY TVs IN THIS CARRIER GET IS SANFORD AND SON!"

And then John foamed in mouth and ran around in rage and hit his head on a plane wing. Jade and Damara looked down at him when he fell back on his back andwas seeing starts.

Damara laffed. "That's my boyfriend!"

(sorry about the no gamzee signoff but come on we can't do every chapter the same way this isn't Simpsins)

**END OF SEASON ONE.**

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Okay with this out of the way I'm going to work on some of my other, more serious fan fics.


	5. More Trolls! Reds First

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 5: More Trolls! Reds First**

**Beginning AN:**

You know, back when Aranea and Meenah were first confirmed as pre-scratch trolls, seeing the other ten started sounding increasingly improbable as update after update focused on dream bubbles only had those two involved. The flashback actually didn't help, seeing as there actually were people theorising that the other A1 trolls' appearances would be limited to said flashback as shadows.

Then Act Six Intermission Three happened, and while seeing the other ten was a possibility, with three of them being revealed right away and three of them had revealed names, it still felt so... _distant_. Especially with the twenty-four day span between walkarounds. Even after the second walkaround, the time felt so long that it seemed like I was never going to actually publish this chapter, which (as well as the following three chapters and pretty much the entire fan fic from here on out) as you will see really relies on these guys being introduced. It also kind of hindered this other fan fic idea which - admittedly - is kind of a thing everyone else is doing, if Archive of Our Own is any indication.

But look now. Look at what happens when enough time passes. This suddenly went from becoming "I won't publish this in a long time" to "HOLY CRAP TODAY'S THE DAY I PROMISED MYSELF TO DO THIS!"

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass body guard. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

Eridan, Rose, Roxy, Nepta, and Feferi looked at the dojo. Eeidan looked at card.

"As you know this is what Geno recomended to us to get stronger. He sent card before he left on mishin to shitp." He told the ladies.

This takes place at dawn after the night of the ship mission. They entered to find Bleech from _Bleech_ there and he had a bottle of bleech because puns.

"Hello there my name is bleech. I trian you now. You a friend oif Hart Eight note question mark Explanaqtion?"

"Yes but he changed name to Geno before he died." Said Rose seriously.

"HE'S DED? O SNAP!"

And then they trained with SWORDS not GUNS because Bleech tot them that swords are more wise and magical. Now these losers are just as badass as the toher characters!

Also while they were training the camrea zoomed out and a plane flew over the bilding. But it turns out, the plane was the one with Aranea in it!

Also Aranea recaped and this didn't use typoes because I wanted it to be clear so I spell check:

"_Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals_ began on September 13th, 2012, annaversary of the publish date of the pilot of _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_, both fan fics actually taking place on the week of Valentines Day 2011.

"After a terrible encounter with legendary vampire who also hunted evil versions of his own kind, one Alucard Badguy, ruining a date between Kanaya and Edward Cullen by killing the latter, we see that John, Rose, and Jade were being harassed by a strange player on their MMORPG. Rose decides to get Roxy to track this person, and finds it to be Doc Scratch, leader of the Felt. The eight human protagonists, who called themselfs the Housestucks, went to Scratch's room to directly attack him, but failed when Scratch sent out all of the Felt. This appearantly taking place in a universe after SBURB, there was no Sn**o**man; in her footsteps as the "8" member was Damara. Damara was not in willingly; she was kidnapped in an attempt to rat out Scratch, and was forced to serve the Felt or die. Our humans would find themselfs meeting Terezi and Tavros after a lengthy fall from the floor only topped by the roof above, the brozeblood having the ability to walk in this without the need for prostetics, but the tealblood robbed of her favored lifestyle of blindness in this universe. Before the land, in a confession of his last minutes, John kissed Dave and they became a couple. John had been in the trance of love to Rose and Dave, while Jade has been in that same situation to John.

"Tavros and Terezi offered them a chance to join forces with their own group founded on the grounds to combat the Felt, who named themselfs the Zodiacs after the thematic symbols barred on their shirts, used as their signs to designate their relations in the troll society. To fully join, Vriska tested them with what was at first a test of strength, before turning it into a boring-ass scavenger hunt. In either test, Vriska had told that one of them would be eliminated and thus never have the chance to be a part of their group, but it turned out that it was a lie. The merged team of the Zodiacs and the Housestucks decide to rename themselfs the Rainbow Crew, although technically it was not a team merge so much as it was the Housestucks becoming a part of the Zodiacs.

"Before the merge and within the test, Dave and John were met with a fierce bear. Dave, in an act of instict, attempted to use John as a human shield. This action came with a price, as John officially ended his relationship and started pursuing a stable one with Dirk. In little time, Dirk accepted this, in spite of his small crush on Jake beforehand.

"After a peaseful night of rest, the Rainbow Crew met up in Rose's mansion shortly before an attack by Trace, who can view the past trail of a person, and Fin, who can do the same, only with a future trail. Their battle revealed that Rose was trying to give a bit of affection to Sollux, much to the dissapointment of Eridan. And Nepeta, who was also revealed to have loved him. Eventually, Fin and Trace have met their end with no mortallity incidences occuring in the manor aside from them, when Trace got shot and they were both blown up by the one whom was the Heir of Void in canon, the two Felt members being blasted by one of the Heir's latests inventions.

"Of course, before the two trail followers met their tragic ends, they revealed a mark on their lower backs: an insignia showing them to be a part of one 'Hitler Revival Group.' The Rainbow Crew, now relocated to a treehouse that is slowly yet still currently being built up, researching and finding that the Felt's next plan is a meet up in Hawaii.

"Going there, they find a raining barrage of quarters able to temporarly freeze those who come into contact with them. These mystic coins, the replacement power for Quarters, originated from the forest nearby. Seeking shelter, the then-twenty members of the Rainbow Crew go into an inn, where a simple child's game results in a star spirit who's name was unpronouncable crossing paths with the Rainbow Crew. This spirit possessed a doll named Geno, which took off into said forest. This prompted the Rainbow Crew into following the doll, and while the pursuit happened they split into two teams. One was of the original Prospit Dreamers, the other of the original Derse Dreamers (along with Sollux, to even them out).

"The Rainbow Crew found what they were looking for in the form of four Felt members: Clover, Matchsticks, Quarters, and the third-in-command Crowbar. The spirit, still in its new doll body, encountered the Felt members before the actual Crew did, and chased them up the volcano, with the Rainbow Crew - still in their two teams - chased after them. Everyone went up on segways. Unfortunatley, Cheif Wiggim noticed that they were going faster than the speed limit of the volcano trail, and went after them. Meanwhile, John was discussing about his possible future relationships, and at one point thought about breaking up with Dirk once the teams ended and getting together with Tavros. The spirit who possessed the doll met up with the Rainbow Crew, revealed to rename himself Geno after the doll, and provided the group with school busses matching the theoretical colors for the teams. Geno took this opertunity of unition to explain his history; he is a body guard to a cherub known as Calliope, whom the Felt were after. The chase continued yet again, this time entering the volcano.

"After several attacks from Wiggim, confirming a crush from Sollux to Aradia, the members of the Derse team were cut in half as Dave, Aradia, Sollux, Dirk, and Equius found themselfs with the Prospit Team. Rose and Eridan begun dating. Geno went up to the other half of the Derse Team - the one with no other supporters, kicking Future Matchsticks along the way. Matchsticks then went into the past using his abilities of the hellfire to time travel, essentially going to the point in time where, in a linear sense, Geno killed him, dying. With clever and cunning manipulation, Geno also got Quarters and Clover killed. Crowbar had left to report this to Scratch. Geno then recommended the five teammates to train more so that they will be stronger, this universe seemingly ignoring the great feats that Eridan, Feferi, Nepeta, Rose, and Roxy have performed. As seen at the beginning of this new chapter in the chronicle (crconikal?), this turned out to be an invintation to a private dojo lesson by Ichigo Kurosaki.

"That night, Damara went to Meenah's house and invited her to join the Felt. Unlike Damara's own case, this was shown to be a willing offer and not a forcefull exploitation. In a fit of mixed feelings, Damara betrayed the Felt's orders by going on a mission to invade an aircraft carrier that was supposed to be invaded by Meenah. A news report of this caught the attention of the Rainbow Crew, who decided for once to only send out a limited number of their forces; John, Jade, and Geno. They soon found out, however, that Damara had been planning on betraying the Felt, and even convinced John and Jade to burn off the lower-back mark. Unfortunatley, this mark was actually a hidden living creature, that came to life at the exposure to the flames John was about to use. This murdered everyone on the carrier, except John, Jade, and Damara but including Geno.

"Then Damara decided to join the Rainbow Crew, and her, John, and Jade were last seen overlooking the ocean in the midst of their trip back. Which should soon end. Back on the track of romance, Dirk broke up with John over a proposal for a diet, and John had quickly gotten in a relationship with Damara, before Jade could use advice from the ghost of one Pip Bernadotte - after he got killed by having a space ship fall on him. Pip, by the way, instructed Jade to fully confess her love for John now rather than wait - but she was already too late. He also said that, as a ghost, he could revive up to six people at the same time before his powers were expired and he was forced to retreat back to heaven, unfortunatly he could only use the actual revive tactic once; any leftover power would be completely wasted should he chose to revive a group of less than six people. John and Jade were both capable of seeing Pip's ghost, however vampires could not see them unless the vampires themselfs were ghosts.

"Meenah, meanwhile, retreated to the Grand Canyon with powerful serum 'Vitamin Scratch' - which Damara had been originally using, complete with using the last of her powers plus her own natural phyonic skills to move the carrier back to the shore since Geno crashed the plane ride over in a fit of wrecklessness - was planning on building a dungeon at that spot, which I overheard of and decided to go over to Chicago to report my hearings.

"I hope this clairifies any questions raised about this fan fiction's first season. If anything was unclear, leave it in the comments and this recap might be retroactivley editted to expand on that."

**CHAPTER V**

**ARTHOR'S NOSE:**

**So i was told by this one "Great Pikmin Fan" to read thru Acts 1-4 during the pause of the next too parts of walkaround to get a better grasp on the plot. Heres what I have toticed:**

I found out that peoples can onl have one strife specibus but that's stupid that's why charters like John will still be using guns because hamers are... THIS ISN"T MARIO! (or thor the avengers) Also it would fuck up that dojo scene where they use SWORDS.

I now know what captcha is. But thats also stupid. THIS IS SUPOSED TO BE HIGHS CHOOL STORY NOT VIDFEO GAME!

Oh so THATS where the mayor guy came from. And those shitty colorful gosts.

I did not know that John wanted to spades betty crcoekr so I will refernce that a lot this chapter.

THE TROLLS ARE NOT DONE FIRST AND THAT SUCKS BALLS. Why must Homestuck focis on kids and these weerd people "exiles" before the trolls? hussie should no that unless he remakes homestuck with the trolls and only the trolls people are gona skip acts! And that makes it a bad story, so I am doing batter! (See I began HHC with Kanaya who is a troll thats to get reeder's atention.)

JOHN AND JADE ARE SIBLINGS? oh well people ship Jane/Jake and Roxy/Dirk and they siblings so incest must be ok in this fandom then.

(AN back when I skiped I only red intermission because i didn't want to make the trolls badguys and I herd that this "Midnight Rew" can be badguys because ther "Agents" in the real Homestucks not intermission but I red the intermission about them and they have no powers! Boring! So I sued the Felt for the vilins instead.)

* * *

**(Treehouse)**

Karkat was teling Dave something, Dave was STILL writting down!

"DAVE STIDER JOHN PESRERED ME SAYING THAT THE SHIP IS ABOUT TO LAND!" And then he frowned. "BUT IT HAS BEEN SENT INTO MOTION TOO MUCH AND IT CAN'T BE STOPPED AND IT MIGHT DESTROY THE DOCKS!"

And then Dave gave the message to Rose who had finished training and Rose told the others, "QUICK WE MUST GO TO DOCKS!"

* * *

**(Team Dojo)**

They were running to the docks like in anime.

"Fuck will we make it in time to see John's grand return?" Asked Roxy.

"Da fuck do you care about JOHN and not JADE, GENO, or DAMARA?" Asked Nepeta. "Is it a shipping issue?"

Rose facepalmed. "Didn't I tell you about Dave's pesters Geno's dead."

Eridan was, "Now that I am a swords can you give a second chance to me?"

"Ill think of it." Feferi.

Eridan gasped like happy. "YAY!"

Rose starting to look suspicious. "Wait Eridan I thot we were dating what happened to that remember did you read chapter 3?"

"Oh um I;m, interesting in polygamy."

"Oh thank God I thot you were thinking about cheeting on me. So I feel confterble to ell you that I was fuckin' around with Sollux. Not literally though because I like waiting until marrage."

"Yeah I saw that I'm good with that."

* * *

**(The Docks)**

Team Dojo cdot up with them. "Hay Dirk." Said Nepeta because they were both heros of hart in Homestuck.

Dirk said nothing.

"O a quiet ass huh..." Nepeta asnwered.

Suddenly, out in the foggy wether, the carrier!

"IT'S A GOST SHIP!" Shouted Gamzee like a conspiricy theerist. "RUN!"

Terezi laffed, "THATS JUST JOHN AND JADE!"

And then like in _Hellsing_ again, Damardia stopped the ship **and was about to **do a really cool jump off the ship aand in the middel of the croud, as if to say YEAH WERE BACK! (it turns out the crash was just false almarm)

But then Dirk jumped on the carrier!

* * *

**(Bedroom Carrier)**

Damara broke in. "HAY IF YOU TWO ARE HAVING SEX I'D ADVISE TO STOP BECAUSE I AM GOINK TO DRAG YOU OUT NOW OK?"

But they wernt' doing it they were just playing cards. Also yeah they had woken up. So then Damara grabbed them both one by each hand and started running out. But the running ended sooner then a sex scene between Lenerd and Penny from _Big Bang Theery_ when Damara saw Dirk.

"Sup." Damara said becuz she was cool now with eerything now that she was boyfriend nby the name of John.

"BOYFRIEND STEELER!" Dirk yelled. "I WILL PERSONALLY END YOU! whoops um I meant to say, 'high.'"

"Hi back!" John cheered. "How r you dealing with broken up?"

Dirk's eye twitched. "Good. Okay."

So then Damara did the cool Hellsing flip with John and Jade still in hand and landed in the middle of croud.

"Johna is back" said Rose "Dave and Gamzee come on and celebritae."

Then Gamzee put on codpeeice and Dave layed down so that he was beneeth Gamzee's legs, and Gamzee did the thrust like in that elivator scene in that video Gangnam Style.

"OPPAM STRIDER STYLE!" Dave sang.

Roxy lafed. "Is this what you were writting down in thee treehouse?"

"No."

Damara asked, "I wanan join you dickfaces."

Rose and Karkat said, "Ok."

But Vriska was not OK! "HAY!" She bitched. "I took a entire sweep of training classess before I can join! And she was just a random bitch that was forced into antiblackmail by Scratch, now you feel sorry for her or something?"

Damara said, "I no lots of knowledge of Felts and I know there weekness. Also I'm am a strong psyckick powers that can help."

Rose said, "What plan?"

Damara went, "Let me look up computer to see if there is any hacking plans."

* * *

**(Teehouse)**

While Damara and Solux were on computer hacking for Felts, everyon else is waching more _Futurama_.

Suddenly, Aranea entered teh house, but she was a clumzy cute lovable funny shy girl so she tripped, and her head hit the TV, and the TV fell, and it broke on the table that was betwween the couch and television! The TV broke! Everyone was pissed!

Karkat facepalemed. "DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A PAIN IN THE ASS IT WAS TO PUT THAT TV OVER THERe?"

Roxy glarred like Redglare but she's from a different timeline. "do YOU know? You never reely helped us becuz Rose wanted to surprise!"

Thewn Sollux and Damara herd something that sounded like TV breaking sounds, and moved over there.

Rose got out a gun.

"Ok bitch tell me you have a good reason for breaking my TV."

"I HAZ IMPORTANT NEWS! o hay damara" and Damara and Aranea waved at eachtoehr.

Jade said, "ROSE PUT GUN AWAY!"

Then Rose shrugged and did it, and Kanaya went to Jade and said, "OK I think your eye is better now so I take patch away now."

"aw dammit I looked pirate like that."

Aranea waved arms around like a idiot. "GUYS I HERD THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO KILLS THE FELTS BUT THERE IS SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE URGENT YOU NEEDED TO BE DOING! YOU SEE, THIS SEXY FISH GIRL KNOWN AS MEENAH PEIXEZ WAS STOLEN LOTS OF VITAMIN SCRATCH AND IS BILDING DUNGEON AT THE GRAND CANYON! AND IF I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER - and trust me i do winkwink - THEN SHE WILL DO LOTS OF BAD THINGS THAT MAKES SCRATCH LOOK LIKE PETER GRIFFIN!"

"What you talking about, eh? Bollux! Peter Griffin can be a dick soemtimes too!" Jake said.

"I bwas just trying to make a fucking point jeeeeeeeez."

"What shuld we do?" Asked Rose.

Damara and Aranea looked at eachother and smiled.

Aranea said, "Yu see me Damara and Meenah were part of a group of twelve called the Alphas, just as there was a Zodiacs and a Housestucks before the two teems there merged into the Rainbiw Crew. I give backstory now."

Damara shook hed. "KEEP IT BRIEF!"

"ok fine jeeeeeeeez."

* * *

**(Fllashback)**

Aranea narrators, _Back wen we were 13 (in terms of yeers), we were supoerheros that try to take down Hitrler Revival Groups._

It then showed flashback, and Flashback 13 year old Aranea had a afro. She was driving to her base (which was a shitty treehouse - **explaining where the treehouse that the Rainbow Crew will later be in came from!**) and she drove like Undercover Brother.

"Yo shizzle, my fellow drizzles! Wassup yall, 13 year old Aranea is in da house!" 13 year old Aranea saidto the others when she got there.

"That is a offensive stereotype stop doing that." Said 13 year old Kankri.

"Dude I'm not actin that's how I roll."

16 year old Anarea continued narating, _So yeah that's the jist of it then we got are first - AND ONLY DUN DUN DUN - mission as the Alphas._

The hotline rang, and 13 year old Cronus answered. "Yeah the fuck do you want?" He said filing his nails.

On the otherlien was the president! Of wallmart.

"Hay um there's this weerd looking guy I think he's a Felt like those wanted posters you put up he's intering a drugstore and looking suspicious sent in one of them to check what's going on pleasE? it mite leed to the downfall of Wallmart if therye' planning like a big robbery or something even though the store this guy is going into doesn't lok like Wallmart."

So then 13 year old Damra went and the same events of that one flashblack occured and Dave got the stiler shades. This did not come with the surpise of the readers, however, since that was a flashback that happened in chapter 4 only wihtout as much context, but then Scratch hotlinecalled 13 year oldAranea, and the follow DID come with a shock to her!

"Hay 13 year old Aranea I have 13 year old Damara as my worker now she saw too much and now I blackmail either she does mishons for me or I kill her."

"No!" Shouted 13 year old Aranea.

"Hay I wanna betray you guys and turn evil and be the exile of your group." Said 13 year old Meenah.

"DOUBLE NO!" 13 year old Aranea yelled.

13 year old Meulin went, "THERE THERE" and tried to pat her hair but her claws accidentally cut a small part of afro!

"**TRIPLE NO!**" Yelled 13 year old Aranea.

* * *

Aranea now 16 because this is the president again (not 19 like canon I think because then shipping would get creepy) continued while looking very sad, "The gang wasn't the same after Damara was kidnaped and Meenah left. We eventually got reely sad about damara but not about Meenah because nobody gave the fucks about her. We all left and settled in individual homes and tried not to think about Damara whom we lost at are own cause. I cut my afro because I was too lazy to get it to grown bak in the right way after Meulin cut it so now my hair looks like this kind ofn like the offspring of John terezi and vriska."

"_**THREEEEE SOMEEEE!**_" Yeled Roxy.

"Not litlarly offspring you stupid fucking drunk." Said Aranea. Then she started looking happy again. "But now after 1 and a half sweep, 3 years, Damara is finally free and now mabey we can unite the other Alphas to make the Rainbow Crew bigger!"

Karkat glared. "WHY WE NEED MORE RAINBOWS MORE TROLLS WE HAVE ENOUGH!"

Kanaya looked wise, "More numbers will not hurt us. It will also increase are chances of coitus when we get old enough so that we can have babies wich will mean more members to the Rainbow Crew later."

Aranea laffed. "Alsoo I can tell you right now that you guys as it stands suck balls and have no fucking chance whatsoever against Meenah. Us Alphas, on the other hand, are a teem of badasses."

"Where we find them?" Rose was taking intrests in the shit.

Aranea took out smart phone to show that this story was still modern. "It's good I got things settled on mah smartphone. First on the list is Damara Medigo- OH WAIT SHE'S ALREADY HIRED.

"Second on list is Rufioh Martin, which meens first since were not counting Damara!"

Rose rubbed chin. "Wait now speeking of Damara, I'm sorry but while she can go on to help us, you Aranea don't reely seem to meet the requirements for the entering the Rainbow Crew. Damara yu also have smartphone contacts of the Alphas?"

"Yep."

* * *

**(Rufioh)**

They went over to a house that was one house which he owneded ande then did the nock on his door and of course he answereed.

"Hey... WAIT HOLY SH BLEEP IT IT'S DAMARA!" He actually said the word bleep this isn't a censored fan fic unless there is a sex scene which there won't be wqith teens because I'm not gonna go in that directon.

Damara gave a evil grin. "Konichiwa motherfucer, I'm baaaack."

"Bangarang, that's kind of cool now. How did you escap Felt?"

"First I did the outsmart, then I did the get attention from these guys" she pointed to the rest of the Rainbow Crew "Then I go them to get rid of the Hitler Ass Tattoo-"

"I saw her naked during that he he he." Said Jade.

"Then I was with them now!"

"Wait 'kunoichiwa' you speek Japan?"

"I speek 8 LANGANGE fluly because of Doc Scrach teaching me. It's English, Japan, Spain, Fraence, Chinese, Sourth Korean, Porchugeese, and Latin."

"Anyway as much as I like possibility shipping interacting, we ust ask;" Said Nepeta "Rufioh, you want to join us to take down Meenah? Becuz she is planing a evil and we need to stop her and Aranea sugestion to reunite the Alphas since you all wheere apart."

"Well we wernt _all_ seprated..." Rufioh said. "Iv been trying to get in toch with Cronus. He a palecrush meaning that I want to change him to not be a douche and try not to get him to atempt land dewweller genoside."

"That's not qwhat morail meens." Said Eridan.

"HOW YOU NO?" Asked Karkat. "YOU FAIL AT QUATRENTS?"

"O reely...?" Asked Eridan as he went up by Rose and Feri and they both giggled at him in a flirty way not a making fun of way.

"HOLY COW!" Showed Karkat.

"But anyway, man it is nice that there can be possibility of me getting closer to Cronus if I join and so does he but..." Said Rufioh. "You see Linkl from Legend of Zelda is coming and I waqnted autograph from him. He's into fairies and so am I so it's cool that we relate. Problem is, his secruity man is a crazzy aBLEEPss nutjob, so I'd wish you all come with mer to offer protection"

"Wate" Said Roxy "By 'into' you mean you think ther sexy or it's just a interest?"

"BOTH! *Eyebro eyebro*"

THEN THEY WENT TO FANCY CORPORATE BILDING USED AS COMMIC CON. Link was there. There was a no-line because everyone was more attractive to the 50 Shades of Gray exibit (AN I think that's a meme so i put it in but I don't know what that movie series is!)

"Hi." Said John.

"SHEERAH!" Shouted Link. Then he coffed. "Sorry I had thingy in my throt. What do you want kind fellows?"

Rufioh stepped forward. "I am fan who watns autograph."

Suddenly, this guy in a black outfit looking like the Mans in Blacks steped forwards and showeted, "AH! JUSTIN BEEBER FANGIRL!" And whiped out gun and started shooting it all over the place like he's a crazy ass nutjob.

"See this is where you com in." Said Rufioh.

Damara said japanese and jumped on the crazy bodygard and was on his hair and pulling it. Gard put his hands up to try to nock Damara off but then that made him drop gun so that Jake could do a cool slide-in and picked it up.

"Freeze motherafucker." He JHake said ;like a coolkid. "We check to see what's wrong with you now."

"Why didn't you fire him?" Asked Jane.

"I never had had time. I always bizzy. Plus yu no it's hard to replacement?" Said Link.

But then, the gard did a morphing transformation (not like magic grl but lilke in those trailers for Ghana movies look it up "Godfather parts one and two" youtube trailer or "Obonsam Besu (Devil May Cry) Ghana Movie Trailer") into a Xenommorf!

"The reeson why I act crazy was really because I am allien who acts bad at acting humen see like whith trolls they cannot talk buckets with eachotehr without thinking of sex what's up with that?"

Rosee pointed finger at the Zenomorph. "RAINBOW CREWS. AFTER HIM!"

Then she, Roxy, Eridan, Feferim and Nepeta got out there blades and was trying to sord fight. They tried a 5X OMNISLADSH COMBO but that just ended in Roxy and Nepeta bumping into eechother and fall to ground and it looked akward like there is shipping.

"Oh hee hee..." Blushed Roxy.

"Another laugh back." Said Nepeta.

And then they started kissing.

"WOW THAT A NEW ONE FOR THE WALL!" Shouted Neperta.

But the the Xenomorph was doing a Pretetor style sheeld slash camaflogue and was garding against the blasts so Eridan, Feferi, and Rose were getting tired and they could not keep the Omnislash because it would drain trhere magic energy meter and die.

Then Aradia the cool goth used powers to lift Tavros into the air (this was willing tag-teem she wasn't just using him as weaprawn as slapstick) and flew him around, but then Xenomorph grabbed him! Tavros was at risk of death, and for the first time a Rainbow Crew member that's not Geno can die!

But then Sollux took off shades glassess and his eyes were lazering, which dissabeled the sheeld!

Dave jumped up with katana but Xenomorph just punched him in the dick and so Dave backed the hell away.

Karkat was running after but then he slipped and fell on his ass. It's not like he can do anything he has like no powers kind of lame.

Kanaya managed to do the first touch to him but that was only to drawn a penis on him using lips stick. Then the Xenomorphs turned around when he felt the lipsicks and looked at Kanaya. Kanaya was getting sacred and turned it into a chainsaw but it too heavy so she ran.

"HOW WIL YOU KILL ALUCARD LIKE THIS?" Asked Equius.

Speeking of which Equius ;looked and then the Xenomorph got chainsaw! Equius gasped and jraw dropped as the Enomorphs charged after him, but before we could Equius dool Gamzee blocked his path an Xeneomorph stopped not out of niceness which he's not (showing that Xenopmorph is badguy) but out of WTF.

"WTF?" Shouted Xenoporph. "NOONE TOLD ME A CLOUN TROLL!"

"ha ha ha hok honk. Now I go sober to be a better fiter."

So he did and was "hoink HONK." And it was scarry making peopl think there was gonna be a murderstuck II. But then Xenomorph pulled a Kanaya and kicked him in groin. Gamzee went into shoosh pap mode meening he has still sober and a good fiter but also a shitty strategy and calm.

"IT NOT OVER YET!" Shouted Vriska as she fote next. She rolled dice but that only gave her a permutulation of eight sixes which sumoned the Devil and Devil asked, "I NOT GONNA FITE THIS GUY I GO AWAY NOW!" and went back to hell. Vriska frowned until the Xenopmorth bitch slapped Vriska.

Then, Terezi! She laffed and talked about her weerd stuff because she was kind of cerazy. She got out a point three five seven magnum gun and was shot at Xenomorph, but suddenly, the Morph stole Link's Hilia sheeld and blocked!

After Terezi ran out of amo Jane ran over and slapped the Xenomorphs which did a little damaga. Then Equius got bow and arrow and shot Xemomorphs on back while Xenomorph was distacted.

"I did it. I porrve to be a good troll and by shooting the Xenomorph."

He (the Xenomorphs let's just say he's a guy because I don't like tryping the speases name) Roared and then Damara and Rufioh looked at eachother and nodded.

Damara jumped on Rufioh and then they spun and jumped really high and then Damara grabbed Rufioh's back and Rufioh flied with his mutant wings as though Damara was riding a dragon or something. And then they spun in mid-air and did a supah drill move that killed the Xenomorff. DEAD.

The Rainbow Crews - the old 20 not the new one - jaw droped.

"Wow you guys were usless. You only good at sex and even then I'm just guessing it's a possibility." Said Damara.

"Dont' be meen to the guests... " Rufioh said, "They tried, man. These guys ca have some potential. Look at the potential in us all."

"No." Said Damara.

"Ok mabey" Said Damara again. "I never had thought to underestimate you, Rufioh. You kind of was a good guy at once."

"So... sorry about the whole Zenomorph thing, I swear I never planed that sBLEEPhit, I just warned about the gard and did not expect THAT to happen..."

"It's cool." Said Rose. "I officially count you as a member of the Rainbow Crew."

"HAY!" Vriska wined. "To join the Zodiacs which did became the rainbow Crew I had to take a sweep of lessins to join! And he just joins after we bust are ass off for him?"

Damara said, "Go fuck yourself Vriska."

Feferi patted Vriska on back. "Hay! You saw how cool and pofull they were! I guess Aranea was rite that we kind of need these guys, they can reely be the powerhouse!"

"You like Rufioh?" Damara asked.

"YEAH!" Everyone shouted.

"Well don't get your hopes up of the rest Alphas becuz they all are sort of losers from here." Damara said, making Rufioh looking a littel insulted.

Link talked again. "Hay hold on for saving me from the possibility of getting killed by aliens I give you these:"

And then he handed Rose a glass bottle containing harlequin-colored liquid stuff and Karkat one containing red-colored liquid stuff.

"WHAT IS THIS" Karkat wanted to know "IS IT HELTH/MAGIC POTIONS I DRINK THIS RED HEALTH ONE AND GET MORE HELTH?"

"No" Said Link. "They are both bottles containing donated cherub blood. Both are of rare castes in the Cherspectrum; lime and brite red. I give you this becuz there is a rumor that you can use these to make a ulumate sheeld that is indistructible. Or mabey something else indectructible but a sheelds indestructible sounds cool too."

"So... where to next?" Asked John, Damara's boyfrend.

"Second on list (for reals) is Mituna Castor." Then Damara did a frown of worry, "Not 'cas' like 'casTRATE!'"

* * *

**(Mituna)**

Nepeta nocked on door.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? YOU NOT THOSE JAHOVA'S WITNISSESS AGAIN, ARE YOU? I KEEP TELLING YOU I MITE CONSIDERING THE RELIGION I MITE NOT BUT I SHURE AS FUCK DON'T WANT YOU TO KEEP FUCKING MEDDLING." And then he slamped the door open and saw the Rainbow Crew. (UIncluding two new members Damara and Rufioh)

Nepeta said, "Meow we are the Rainbow Crew and we want the Alphas to reunite so that we can take down Meenah."s

Mituna noticed Damara and Furioh "I NOTITTCEZD DAMARA AND RUFIOH I UNDDERSTAND."

Karkat gasped at this man. he was louder then he! But Karkat wasn't the man to be outdone. "HAY I WANNA BE THE LOUDEST YUOU WANNA HAV A SHOUTING CONTEST?"

"NO."

Rose got out hand to shank. "Good so youll now be a Rainbow Crew?"

"NO."

"Wy not?"

"THERE IS THIS DELIVRY OF HACKING GUIDLINES AND GAMBRO MAGAZINES THAT I NEED TO DELIVER BUT THE PROBLEM IS IS THAT THERE ARE THESE FDUCKSHIT THEEFS THERE'S FOUR OF THEM SO WHEN I TRY TO TAKE THEM ON MY HORSE CARRIGE I NO THEY WILL FUCK SHIT UP AND PROSSIBLY KILL MY HORSE."

"You have a horse." Equius asked.

"YES IF YOU WANTA I CAN SHOW YOU MY SKATEBORED." And then he winked but it was hardon to see under his stupid fucking helmit. "I CAN ALSO SHOW YOU MY 'BODY SKATEEBORD' IF U NO WHAT I MEAN."

"Sorry I'm not into dude that shout." John said.

"WELL THEN FUCK YOU!" Shouted Mituna.

Sudenlty, Vriska got a frown of worry. "Wait wait wait. Are you asking us to do... ESCROT MISSION?"

"YES."

"FUCK I HATE ESCORD MISSIONS!"

So then they Mituna got his horse and carrage out and on the backwas gamebro magazines and they got reddy to go.

Sudenly, ninjas wearing all black came freom the shadows and went to a carrige! It was scary because the wether in this part of Chicago was misty. There were four ninjas by the way count them FOURSOME.

"NINJAS!" Karkat panics.

And then Feferi and Nepeta stoped acting cute and jum,ped on the topy thingy of the hourse carrage and got there katana blades out and were smacking back the ninjas.

"WOAH WHERE DID YOU TURN TO BADASSESSW!" Karkat asked.

"Bleech from Bleech tot us." Said Eridan. "NOW GIRLS" he yeled "SHOW ALL THESE RAINBOW CREWS THAT WE BECAME BADASSESS!"

And they fended them off with sords and did lots of cool kung-fu types of movies and it looked very very awesome.

But then they came back with paper bombs, just like in the NAruto bfiller hells! They needed a little more force...

"HAY!" Damara yelled. "Rufioh, you think you can un-doom us? You a badass?"

"Er... half the time." He said.

"HAY THAT'S MY JOKE YOU ASS!" Shouted Mituna and then they slapped fited. Damara facepalmed.

"Ok it's time to STREONG." Said Equius. And then he punched two of them into a building with one punch and the other two got a little scarred and ran away while pissing themself.

"Hay who thought that a unimportant, not part of the new group would do job?" Damara mocked.

"Oh Damara," John snarked, "don't underestimate the potentioal. I see potention in you for that is one of the reasons why I want to hart you but not Betty Crocker who I want to spades."

And then they laffed, becdause Mituna's carrage made it to goal so everything was good.

"Ok you join." Said Rose.

"YEAH." Karkat agreed too as well also.

"HAY!" Bitched Vriska. "ONE SWEEP! I had to one sweep and then you _**help**_ him and he joins! Jeeziz fucking crist!"

But they ignored her,. Damara said:

"Next on list is Kankri Viitas."

* * *

**(Meenah (not her hiring since they won't but a scene at the end like wwith Scratch and Maara at the end of season one)**

Meenah was looking at monotor. It showed the Zozdiacs simbols or at least it would have but it was black aside from the - well next paragraph will say. The monitor looked like a small screen just large enough to have kind-of around-hand-sized simbols of said zodiac simbols. They were also zodiacing along with the original trolls because the new trolls and old trolls have same bloods and bllood color is what determines zodiacs.

But there were three lit up! Aires, Tauros, and Gemni! Geminit just lit up last. Scorpio was blinking flashing on and off because of Aranea kind of being member but not really.

"Gr..." Said Meenah who's was dungeon under contruction so it looked like a contruction site but instead of a building of good like a bank that's usually what a contrusction shite would become this was a bilding... OR EVIL!

"I... got a Da,mara tracket tacked on to her during the breef time we were Felting together becuz she was rival to me in the pasty. I did this to see if she would reunite the Alphas and quit Felt and I was wight. She's bringing them back, an has done it with Rufioh and Mituna."

Then she laffed and then she kept talking to herself. "But littel do they no that it will take MORE then the eleven of the Alphas not counting me since I am the villain that they are fighting right now, in order to kill me! It would take...**31 of them!** Mwah ha ha!"

Then a Stalfos (ther from Legend of Zelda) came up behind Meenah. "Hay Meenah" she was one of Meenah's deungeon minions! "Yu know about the Rainsbow Crew rite?"

"O fuck. Well let's hope they won't be finished before I done with dunbgeon."

Stalfos said, "You sure you can outsmart them?"

"Yes and in fact I think I may also... TRY TO CONVINCE THEM TO JOIN ME IN TAKE OUT FELT, BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY LIK WHAT THESE 'RAINBOW CREW' WUSSIES DOING, BUT IN EVIL WAYS!"

Stalfos looked at the camera and jaw dropped in shock.

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Sorry if the recap is kind of akward, it was kind of rushed in the second half.

I know this may seem slow now but when archive reading these will go by a little faster. In fact, I _kind of_ don't want these quests to be too long since there's going to be a total of eleven of them (well, not all of them will be "quests" per-say but they'll still require some time, aside from Damara since she was technically added without any big scene needed.) and it could really add up to drag out this season. I guess chapter 6 will be a little better, since parts of it won't be as rushed? (I did all of Rufioh's quest pretty much on the day right before the day I had to publish this, and the second half of the recap was done _**on**_ the day of the publishing.) However, I have a pretty decent ammount of chapter 6 already written.


	6. Even Mor Trolls! Green and a Mutant

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 6: Even Mor Trolls! Green and a Mutant**

**Beginning AN:**

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass swarm of ladybugs. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

In city hall, the no mutant bloods were arguing with the yes mutant bloods!

(AN these are not the same mutants as the enemy mutains in the Hecksing Ulu,ate Crconikals who were people infused with nuclar waste nor should the nuclear mutants be confused with the people or trolls who just have a mutation)

"These mutant trolls," A non mutaint pointed at the mutaints, "Should not get a go into this city and must be culled!"

"BUT IT IS DEATH FOR US!" All of the mutaints showted.

The mayor of the Chicago, whoos name is an OC nammed Owen (not like Owen from the Totals Drama that's a diferent webcomic), looked with headache.

"urgh these guys and there stupid troll cultures."

Suddenly, the doors busterd open.

"I belive I can do the essential thing and put this surburbian envirnoment of Chicago into a state of hemo-equillibrium by sorting out the debate bewtwen trolls who's blood is not of the common, traditional line of genetics who have been slurrly declaimed as 'mutaints' and those trols who's blood color is one that is a part of the rust bronze gold lime olive jade teal cobalt indigo purple violet fuscia order. If you would allow me, I can resulve this dabates in half a hour should OI prepare a speech."

That wall of text was psoken by... Kankri!

**CHAPTER VI**

* * *

**(Kankri)**

The RC, after adding Mituna to there group, went over to his house. Karkat nocked on door.

"HAY DICKBUTT" yelled Karkat "YU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KANKRI RITE?"

From the door he herd, "I amz working on spoeech rite now go away."

Mituna yelled, "YO KANKRI THESE GUYS WHO CALL THEMSELVS THE RAINBOW CREW HAVE BEEN REUNITING US ALPHAS SINCE THEY GOT DAMARA BACL."

They heard the door being opening, and then Kankri was starting there looking like shock site. "Wait. There's Alphas reunin?"

"YEP." Said Mituna.

"And Damara is back?"

Damara waved.

"SHUT YOUR ASS. But I not reely interested in doing good and fiting with good guys again I meen it's been 1 and a haff sweep since I last tried that and WE never even fot it was just Damara and she got kidnapped."

"If you join us I'll let you touch my boobs." Said Rose.

"No. I celebicy. Also humen boobs r gross."

"But they r just like the troll boobs!" Sad Vriska.

Tavros came up with an idea. "WHAT IF... WE HELP YOU OUT... ON YOUR SPEECH...?"

"Oh I already done with speech I figured out that I don't need to pre-plan everything I can just write from my troll equivelent of heart. I need someon to comfort me to keep me a good guy so that I don't get nervis and prespire."

"WHAT YOU HAVE STAGE FRITE?" Ask Karkat "THIS IS TO BE A BIG PROBLEMO!"

"Only in 23 or more peoples. I start to sweat and then mabey faint." Then his eyes widen. "WAIT THERE'S 23 OF YOUR!" Then he fainted. Then he got back up. "Haha just kiding becuz 3 of them are were my past friends. Yes if I have like four people to assist me then I would not stage frite all over the place."

Karkat said, "OH WHAT THE FUCL. I'D RATHER JOIN YOU THEN TRY TO SUFFER THROUGH THE INTRODUCTION OF MORE ASSHOLES. SINCE THE FIRST THREE WE SEE WERE, IN FACT, ASSHOLES. well rufio was kinda cool but also a wimp at the same time aso..."

Terezi " IF KARKATMATE;S JOINING SO SHALL I!"

Karkat tilted his head side to side like he was going crazy.

"Also Karkat my frend too so honk honk I'll join." Said Gamzee.

"I'm bored. Lemme in too." Said Kanaya.

Jane smiled. "Well, I think that's all we should need for Kankri's request. Damara, where do we go next?"

"Next on list, Meulin Lagoin." Said Damara.

* * *

**(Meulin)**

They nocked on door. When Meulin came out she did a fagirl scream.

"OMG IT'S THE RAINBOW CREW I HERD ABOUT! CAN SOMEON GIVE ME A PAPER BAG TO BREETHE INTO?"

"No. Go die of assfixiation you pathetic sack of shit." Said Rose but Mueline ignored her. (Not because shes deaf she isnt since Kurloz wasn't in redrom that led to the honking because i don't like Muelin/Kurloz)

Then Meulin noticed Jake.

"OMG ITS JAKEY KUN! I HAD DREEM ABOUT THIS ONLY YOU WERNT WEARING A SHIRT!"

Jake's eyes looked worried. "WAS THAT THE ONLY THING I WASN'T WEERING? I SURE HOPE SO!"

And then she jumped on him and hugged him and held him up aganst her. John looked at this and laffed.

"JUST like Sieerra from Total Drama Island! A lot like Seriiea from TDI! The new Sierra! Serra two point oh! It's as if someon copy-pasted her personality onto her! They way too similar!"

"I also want to make babbys with the rest of you." Meuline said.

"Ok letz just get it on what do you want." Asked Dave.

"Question mark?" Asked Meulin. "I didn't want any requests."

Jane expositioned, "Every former member of your team except Damara wanted a task to be done before they would let themselfs join us. But since you don't have any wants I-"

"I WANT TO FUCKK ALL 20 OF YOU (not the alphas your Rainbow Crew guys recruited)!"

Rose rubbed her chin. "Thats not possible aat the moment since Karkat, Terezi, Gamzee, and whats-her-face are with Kankri right now. Let's assume were low on time and can't do that. Can you just join us since you originallity wanted to?)

"NO! I herd that you do cool shit to people before they join you and i wanna sidequest too!"

"Dammit Jane yu had to say something." Said Vriska.

"Ok new quest them. The mayor of Chicago, nammed Owen, wants a projecxt wall to be built because in like 1 hour, these monsters will come in and start eeting crops. So we need to build wall like great wall of chine to stop them."

"What about the trowns around Chicago?" Asked John.

"I asked mayor that and he said, 'Eh fuck them.'"

Meanwhile, later in the future (but not too late this is all - all 10 quests - supposed to hapen before sundown), they bild the wall. Actualy it was only a small section of the wall since the rest of town was doing the rest.

John got idea.

"HAY WAIT!" He yelled. "This is like Creat Wall of China, which was to keep outsiders out!" (AN i did the reserch) "I think this either Meulin lied or the Mayor of Town is a racist aganst newers!"

"Da fuck?" Asked Rose. (AN shut up Rose you tock too much)

"We should breke this thing to let the other people in!" John proposed. (AN wow weerd idea)

So then he got dinamite from someplace (AN where did he dget the dinamite from?) and blew up the chunk of the wall that they were bilding (AN oh no!) but it was bad because they had done like 90 percent of it. Rose helped since she was convinced.

"WHAT?" Asked Meulin. (AN what uindeed)

John gave speech about acceptance and Rose was in the background bnodding in agreement to suport this theory: "Keeping the otherrest out is a bad sin of the nation wich can leed to a lack of diverseity of the population and a terible consequences like starvation, haffing tpo incest because there's not a high enough population, or cammibalism wich comes fromm starving. So it is always good to immigrate or else th United States of American will turn into a bunch of inbreds eating eachtoehr."

Suddenly, Bulborbs from Pikmin (AN why do I Pikmin so much?)! They came all over the city, stomping on roads and then they went to the feelds and ate the crops!

"AW FUCK" said Meulin "NOW TRHE MAYOR IS GONNA BE ON MY HOT ASS ABOUT THIS!"

"Don't worry Ill pay the fine." Said John. "Huh I guess it turned out that there WERE monstars out there after all."

"OH WELL" said Mituna "NO USUSSE CRYING OVVER SPIEELL MILK!"

"Speeking of spilling milk-" Damara began before John shook his head and told her, "Remember are conversation don't say inapropiate things while on a goverment project it could get us sued for sexual assment."

Then they all laffed. But then they didn't want to be companed as being jerks so they decided to do the rite thing and finish the wall so that they could finish off the bulbarbs. Finishing the wall didn't take long becuz of Sollux and Mituna they had sykicks to help.

So then they went to the farm and that redneck incest guy from _Simpsons_ was there.

"Hay yall" he said "These things ate crops so now there is a slight chance of dustbowl." He said.

"Well... that's pretty terrible to hear." Simphethised Rufioh.

Jake winced. "This is like My Name is Earl mate where solving one problem leeds to another."

Mweulin said, "JAKE TOCKED EEE!" And tackled him to the growned and was trying to take off his shirt. Jake was too cool to hit a girl however so he just away not violence.

Aradia used her sykicks to start kkilling the bulborbs from the inside and then Sollux also blasted them which fucked up the crops too. Lisa Simpson wocked in on the scene and bitched.

"HAY WHAT HELL?" She bitched. "YOUR KILLING AMINALS!"

Rose said, "Uh blame John it was the idea of him."

"BUT YOU WERE ACOMPLISE!" Said John backlashing.

Incest Guy lafged but Lisa said, "THAT NO FUNNY" and stabated him with a pitchfork and then left not to come baclk until later in the fan fic MUCH later.

Incest Guy was dying.

"OW that stupid motherfucker..." he said before laffing, "I guess I"M the motherfucker becuz I fuck my mom since I'm into that" it's funny because it's incest. Anyway Incest Guy died.

Dave ranted. "Lookj John you were considering me the badguy but look you got someone killed becuz of your dumb acseptance theory wich wasnt right they were REELY biulding wall to keep out monsters in case the reeder's didn't figure it out and now because of your thinking that the wlal is a conspiricy somebody doied. Not just Incest Guy but the bulborbs too since if wall they would just kmove on to park."

"Your right this is sad." John answered.

Dave said, "and thanks Sollux for doing it with Aradia to kill the bulborbs. It may be tuff to kill a inconent animal-"

"INNOCENT?" yelled Meulin. "THOSE FUCKETS TOOK OUT A HUGE CHUNK OF MY ARMY IN OEN SAVE FILE!" And then dramatc closeup! "AND IT WAS NO RESET RUN!"

"O well then I need to rethinking metaphor speech."

Arada looked up in slky like a epic. "Speeking of speaches, I wonder how Kankir is doing."

"NOT YET FOR A POOV SWITCH!" Yelled Meulin. "I WOULD ALSO WANT TO DO ANOTHER TASK SINCE YOU SORT OF FUCKED UP THE FIRST!"

"Aw dammit." Said Rose. Jade on the other hand did not complain becuz she was too happy. Good job, Jade.

"What task?" Ask Roxy.

"I BILD SHIPPING WALL AND FAN FIC WALL AND WE ALL LISTEN TO IT! EEEEE!"

So then they wasted another half an hour listening to Meulin rant about her OTPss but it was not the canon pairings like John/Jade or Rose/Terezi it was crack sop it was a pain in the ass to lissen about.

"THESE COUPLES YOU SHIP AR NO CANON!" Said Roxy. Roxy shuld no since she does shipping a lot but that's mostly because she finds the idea of the sex to be hot so she doesn't canon that much eether because she doeesn't find, to give example, Homer Simpson/Marge Simpson to be as hot as Marge Simpson/Ned Flanders. "AT LEEST PUT UP ME/NEPETA IN CASE REEDERS FORGOT THAT WAS A THING LASTE CHAPTER."

Muelin gave a sass look. "YA WELL IT'S A SHIPPING WWALL NOT A 'TRACK EVERYTHING FROM CANON' WALL! GOSH, SCREW YOU!"

Then they were donet with Meulin's hell of a presintation.

"Ok you get to be in." Said Rose. Karkat would have too but he's stucxk with Kankri. Vriska bitched again.

"I TOOK A FULL SWEEP TO GET IN THE ZODIACS AND TO GET INTO THE RAINBOW CREW WICH IS THE ZODIACS BUT WITH HOUSESTUCKS AND ALFAS ADDED ALL MEULIN DID WAS BILD A WALL THEN THEN DID WHAT FELT _LIKE_ A SWEEP OF LISTENING TO HER TOCKING ABOUT TAVROS/GAMZEE!" BVULLSTHIT!"

Meulin snarked, "DOES HE HAVE LIKE A OFF SWITCH?"

"No. Next on list" Damara was talking "Porrim Misyam."

* * *

**(Breef going back to Kankri)**

"Hay guys" said Roxy "U done with this shit yet?"

Karkat groaned. "NO BUT FOR U IF YOU GO ON A NICE ADVENTUR YOU SHOULD KILL ENOUGH TIME TO WHEN HE'S DONE."

"Ok" then they left.

* * *

**(Porrim)**

Porrim waz taking shower when she herd the door nock. (Nocker was Nepeta) She ran over to get it wile naked.

"I DONT WANT ANY JEHOVAE WITNISS YOU FUCKASS- oh hay." She said seeing them. Then she saw Damara, Rufioh, Mituna, and Meuline (Kanrki is still on his own quest) and gasped! Especially at Damara! "HOLY SHIT IT'S ALPHAS ARE BACK! AND DAMARA IS NOT KIDNAPPED?"

"No Damara is right there" said John "Also please put some cloth on. You look wet like you shouwered so towel is my reccomendation."

"Oh good thingking boy in gostbusters shirt if I have towel my hair will dry faster." And then she wrapped towel around hair like Zap Bargan did in Futurama but everyone saw her troll parts except the audience because they were covered in censor bars.

Jake said, "Hay bullfucker we Rainbow Crews are trying to reunite the Alphas to fight Meenah who is evil right now you wanna join?"

"Who's Meenah?"

Damara shook her head. "Sorry sometime Porrim can be like a dumb Blonde."

"Haha wow so dumb." Said Jake.

"YES BUT SHE HOT." said Meulin.

"Ok your rigte now so I guess in a relationship like this I'm suposed to buy her shit?" Jake said.

"YOU BUYING JEWLERY?" Asked Porrim, "THIS IS THE HAPPIEST OF MY LIFE!"

And then she ran to hug him, and Jake blushed.

"Put some clotches on." John repeated.

"No. Now before I join I want you to do something. You name yourselfs the 'Rainbow Crew' and it reminds me of these six 'Rainbow Sisters' who are anti-anti-anti feminists, which menas they oppose me who is both a feminist and a - and here's where you come in - a anti-anti femeinst. Theyre layer is next door to my hive I want you to go there and do one on one battles in a honerable way."

"Why can't you combattant them youself?" Asked Rose.

"Because I need to do a femenist rally thingy but I'm sure those dickfaces would go and ruin it so if yhou challenge them it will not only be a distraction but may end them from screwing me over."

"You wanna talk distractions?" Asked John. "YOUR NAKED!"

"Shut up. Now I warn you that those Rainbow Sisters are _**not**_ fashionistsas. Like me."

"I didn't no being naked counted as a fashion!" Joeked John.

"Shut up again. Ok guys I just want to let ypou know they may sometimes say that there's like fifteen or two of them or some other stupid number but there are reely only six of them don't be fooled."

AT THE HOSE NEXT DOOR

"Was that girl a nudist?" Jane asked Damara.

Mituna ansered instead, "SHES A FEMINIST WOO LIKES MAKING OUT WITH EVERYBODY BUT IS ALSO REELYY REELY STUPID. BUT YES SHEW WEARS CLOTCHES SOMETHIMES."

"Like," Said Rufioh, "She know about clotches and stuff. What she can't sem to understand is that your supposed to weafr them in society. I'd tell her myeslf but I'm a little too not confidence."

"HAY!" Shouted Tavros in happy. "KIND OF LIK ME! WE CAN HANG OUT A LOT! UH!"

Nepeta nocked again. A girl in a red military uniform ansered.

"What the fuck." She said.

Nepeta said, "We r the Rainbow Crew. We are doing a roleplay mission for Porrim Misyam."

"WERE SUPPOSED TO DO A HONORABLE DOOL!" Meulin shouted.

"Why you shouted are you deaf no offense."

"NOT IN THIS UNIVERSE I AM JUST FULL OF EXCREMENT!"

Eridan snarked, "Your full of _somethig_ in this universe, but it isn't excitment... MORE LIK FULL OF EXCREMENT, WHICH MEANS SHIT IN SPANISH FOR THOSE VIEWERS THAT DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

Copying big bag theory John said, "Can you reely afford to be insulting what littel friends you have?"

"I HAVE LOTS OF FACEBOOK FRIENDAS!" See it's funny because Facebook is popular now.

So then the girl in red "A hemed" and wanted to go on. SO THEY DID. Inside the house was a arena.

"SISTERS! FORM!" Shouted one in Red. Then others that looked like her but younger were there, and girl in red said "These are my sisters starting from oldest to youngest:

"RED RAINBOW SISTER!" Said the one in red. The same who was dor anser.

"ORANGE RAINBOW SISTER!"

"YELLOW RAINBOE SISTER!"

"GREEN RAINBOW SISTER!"

"PURPLE RAINBOW SISTER!"

"PONK RAINBOW SISTERS!"

All of them at once said, "WE HAVE NO CONNECTIONS WITH LBGT BECUZ THEY ARE GOOD WHILE WE ARE EVIL WOMEN-HATING ASSHOLS! WE ARE: THEW RAINBOW SISTERS!"

Jhon gave them a weird look. "Wait why isn't there a blue if you want to make a ranbow theme yous hould have a blue."

They looked at there outfits and frowned. "shuy up." said Pink. "We take you on in a fite."

They lost.

So then the Rainbow Crew went back to Porrim's house. The battle overed so soon that she was still drying off and was still naked. "What bis the hapening" Porrim asked.

"I kicked all there assess." Said Vriska. "now will you consider joining?"

"Yes what do I hav to do?"

"TAKE TRAINING FOR A SOLER SWEEP!" Said Vriska.

Rose shook hed. "There's no need to you can join now."

Vriska bitched. "HAY! I HAD TO TAKE THE SWEEP! WHY DID I HAVE TO EFFORT, WILE ALL SHE DID WAS STAND IN HER ROOM NAKED!"

"Times changed." Ansered Rose.

* * *

**(Kankri's one last time.)**

Karkat was baging his hed on the desk thing ion front of him and Kanaya was waching with worry. Terezi was laffing at him so Kanaya slapped him because no Terezi bad Terezi that's realyl mean. Gamzee was drinking faygio he was stil sober form the last chapter again he's in shoosh pap mode so the only diferent is his typing quirk.

Kankri was still speeking of course and Owen was also banging head. "Urh" said Owen the mayor, "This guy is making me want to quit. mabey i should work at McDonals it's less pay but I'm tired of trying to selve the city's issues."

Then Equius Zahhak walked in.

"Still not finished?" asked Equius.

"You know" said Owen the mayor "I just want to say, 'yes the off-spectrim bloods can hsave equality' since that what I think and what Kankri thinks but I need to use what he says as evidence and I'm sure as hell wasn't paying attention to what he said just there back then."

"I can help." Said Equoius.

"How?" Asked Owen.

"NOT LETTING THOSE BASED ON BLOOD IS KIND OF LIKE RACIST! AND RACIST IS NOT A GOOD THING UNLESS IT IS AGANST _TWILIGHT_ THE BOOK!"

"Ok then so iot's settled."

Then the racists started getting mad and was swearing a lot but we can't hear them over the victory music playing in the BGM!

"Say Equine." Asked Kanaya, "Why stop being a hemospectrim obsess?"

He shrugged. "Hay do you wanna try to debate Kanrki? I lied."

The 4 trolls and Kankkri himself came out.

"Good news we got 2 mores." Announced Rose formally to the Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi, and Gamzee.

"YOU DID IT WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF ME?" Karkat bitched. Rose laffed because she thought he was a pathetic.

"Hay" said Damra "We kinda needed them added anyway and it was only 2 of the Alphas anyway"

"Yeah" said Porrim.

"Shush" said Rose "We haven't introduced you and Meulin yet."

Then Rpose got on a gameshow face and said, "OK EVERYONE IT'S TIME TO INTRODUCE: **NEW TROLLS!** NUMBER ONE: SHE'S A JADEBLOOD WHO CAN CHARM THE PANTS OFF OF ANYONE, PORRIM MISYAM!" Porrim was still naked.

"Hi" She said. "Hay can I get a reserved place in line? I do not like being behind Meulin's pony hair wig."

"THIS IOS REEL HAIR STUPID!" Shouted Meulin.

Sollux make a original snark. "You lern something new everytday."

Then Jane and Jade were tripping and Porrim offered a hand to let them up but in doing so she bent over and mooned John by accident and John covered his eyes.

"Thank you, kind lady." Said Jane.

"I LIKE BOYS!" Said Jade. "also i mean boys my age thank you very much."

Rose continued, "AND SHE'S A GREENBLOOD WITH SUGAR ADDICTION AND RUNS 22 BLOGS OF HOMESTUCK, MEULIN LAGOIN!"

"EEE IT'S KANKRI WHO I AM A CRUSH ON! CAN I HAZ PAPER BAG TO BREETHE INTO?"

"I thought you were stalking me, brit!" Said Jake.

"YEAH THAT TOO AND EEEEE IT'S JAKE I WAS DREEMMING OF THIS MOMENT BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE A SHIRT ON! I SAY THIS AGAIN NOW!"

"Wow she is like Sierra from that television kids progam Total Drama Island." Said Kanaya. "To the point where she is similar to a complete and total duplicagte."

"HAY!" Shouted John "I SAID THAT! o but you werent hear so yeah."

And then they laffed and almost ended the chapter had it not been for Kankri,.

"Say you did this thing now I join now."

"Yes." Rose said.

"ONE SWEEP!" Shouted Vriska "ONE SWEEP!" and then she foamed at mouth.

"Is that one a war verteran or something?" Asked Kankri.

"No she's just a attention whore." Said John.

Since I was writting the majoyrity of this chapter before Rufioh's intro I should make him say something funny, and also mabey Damara:

"Kawaii" Said Rufioh "We gotz half of them already."

"WHAT MEEN HALF?" Asked Damara. "We're not getting Meenah too! She evil!"

"O hay list reader" Said Rsoe "I forgot you exist. Tell me who next?"

"Next on list is Latula Pyliop." Said Damra.

* * *

**(Meenah and the Stalfos)**

(AN i mad mistake last chapter and rote Stalfos sayign "she" i meant Meenah Stalfos in these scenes are a GUY ok)

Since Kanrki quest may have started earlier but ended after two quests the lite up went Leo in green, then Virgo, _then_ the part we actually DID see light up since the others lit up before this scene: Red Cancer. But out of order did not matter for th lightup since the spots on the panel are still in Zodiac order in a three by four format so that by the end of a chapter a one entire row will be filled up. The Scorpoi sign, below the Leo sign, was still blinking between Cobalt and the black "ofF" which unlike that lowtech shit off looked completly black ther was no dark unlit lights or anything it was computer screen not light brites.

ANWAY, Meenah was waching this while she was on supposrt beam and hammering nails. She was working hard on her dungeon just like her minions, becuz every sucessful villain needs to work too to get maxiumum efficacy.

The same Stalfos from before walked up behind Meenah. He said, "Hayu Meenah did you see that they now have Kankri Meulin and Porrim?"

"Yeah."

"Damara seems to be doing one hell of jjob." Said Stalfos. "Boss, wat if we not finish this dungeon in time?"

Meenah shrugged and tapped foot. "This is good enuff as is. We can realy bring these fuckwads down like easy with how hard the dungeon rooms are! But by no meens should we stop bilding this, it is best to trey to aim for best and not settle."

"You wise boss."

"That why I'm your boss." If she was more of a kiss-ass she would say, 'that's why i hired you' to compliment the Stalfos by implying that hiring him was a smart move. Bt she has a ego.

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Sorry for not giving Damara or Rufioh that big of a role in this chapter. Unlike chapter 5, pretty much all three of the quests here were written before they were proberly introduced.

For those wondering why there isn't that much mention of Roxy/Nepeta in this chapter; I didn't think of that until after the walkaround, and a huge chunk of this chapter came before.


	7. More Trolls Stil! Bloo Blods

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 7: More Trolls Stil! Bloo Blods**

**Beginning AN:**

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass horse machine. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

Som odd shadow figure was riding through the daylite. Which was just before noon which is haff way through the day appropriate seeing as how the Alphas trolls are halfs way done well since not counting Meenah it's not reely half but eh I don't no. The figure grabbed onto cars and was skateboard while grabbing onto its back like how you can do in Tony Wahks American wasteland (also like Back to the FVuture). The figur jumped on randim rail that's sticking out and grinded on it, jumped back down to revveel self as...

...

...

...

...

...

MITUNA! (haha I bet you thot I was gonna say Latula didn't you?)

"HAY GUGGYS!" he yelled "YOU THICK THIS WIL IMMMPTTRESS LATULEAA?"

**CHAPTER VII**

* * *

**(STILL IN THE JUDGE)**

The other 5 alphas (Plus Aranea they were by the treehouse) wsere the judges.

"It impressed _me_ a lot. We shuld go to share a cocoon together if you no what I mean." Said Damara.

"Holy snap, bBLOOPitch! I must say that your skils are supperior to mine," Said Rufioh.

"I think wat you did was vary vary impolite." Said Kankri.

"ZOMG GOD I WANNA YOUR BABBIES!" Meuline yeled.

"Is that your impersonation of the Hunger Games becuz I love making refferences to that book even thou i never red it I just herd it was popular." Said Porrim. By the way Porrim had on canon dress now and I think this is the first time we saw her in canon dress in HHC.

"I don't like this couple it's too canon." Said Aranea.

Suddenly, Rose bursted out of the treehouse and to the Alphas! "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, SLACKERS? We found out the next Alpha's adress!"

Aranea smiled. "Hay next should be the Libra wich comes before the scorpio whihc is me so I will finally become a official member and join you guys?"

"Yeah we'll let you join." Said Rose.

Vriska was starting to look angry before Rose continue.

"It what I would say if you didn't brek out TV in chapter 5. So now there's this training course that should hopfully prevent you from becoming clumsy and break more stuff. I'll let you trai0n practace over it, and then I'll test you by the time we get Latula. John, dave, Roxy, aand Jade will help you train."

Aranea nodded and gave a salute.

Meenwhile, in the treehouse, Meulin had ran back and was giving Jake footrub.

"DIDJA NO THAT THERE IS A WAY TO PARALIZE SOMEON IF YOU PRESSURE POINT THEM IN THE FOOT?" She asked.

"Hay! Don't paralize me you motherfucker!" Jake yelled, kicking Meulin in face. He had had been having anough of Meulin's stalkering.

* * *

**(Latula)**

They nock on door.

"raaaaad." Said Latula sounding like a stoner.

Rose sneered. "I think this one's broken let's go away."

"No I am not a brocken I can talk." She said. But then she got out a nintindo 3DS XXXL and started playing it. "I play my game now so I don't focus on everything."

Mituna said, "HAY THERE THESE FUKCCKERS NOWN AS TEHE RAINNBOW CREW R RECRUITING US SINCE DAMARAS BACK YUOUU WANNA JOIN AND SHIT?"

"Mituna I've ben thinking about it I want to breek up."

"WHY? 8("

"I think Porrim looks more attractive so I want to date her insted."

"Who's Porrim?" Asked Porrim.

"OK THAT'S IT." Said Karkat. "LATULA. WE R THE RAINBOW CREW AND WE WANT YOU TO JOIN TO FITE MEENAH. BE THERE OR BE SQUARE, AND U NO WANNA BE SQUARE DO YOU?"

Nepoeta glared at Karkat. "Hay! Your trying to convince her to join like this is military! They shuld just stay and be shipped ok?"

"OMG AGREE!" Yelled Meulin. And then she started picking Jake's hair before Jake backfisted her face.

"You guys are no jevoha witnessess trying to but me are you?"

"No" Said Rose "And you can trust me since I leader." Even though in the first chapter Dirk was kind of a leeder firgure what with announcing the Housestucks to attack but now he's not reely saying much or doing much.

Latula nodded and offered handshake and Rose shook hand and **BZZT!**

"Hahaha said Latuka "I have a buzzer hand that shoocks."

"THAT RUDE!" Shouted Karkat. "I LIKE STYLE SO YOU CAN JOIN?"

"Well firzt I wanna get the new Halo game Halo 4."

Terezi gasped. "BUT THIS IS FEBRUARY 2011! HALO 4 HASNT EVEN BEEN NNOUNCED AT E3 YET?"

Dave would have joked about "33" or "ee" because quirks buit this isn't a quirkstuck fan fic so the Terezi/Dave morails teasing can't happen yet.

Also DSave's gone along with John Jade and Roxy so there's that too.

Latula said, "Shit I dunno. But Cronus has passed a rumor to me that you do something for the alphas first, and I was originally not going to ask but i wanted to get something becuz hay I mite get killed in the battle aganst whoever your fiting."

Sollux looked up and yelled. "CROOOONUS!"

"Hay why you yell you don't even no the man." Snarked Vriska.

Latula suggestion, "Go over to the factory I also got rumored that they are have the final copies and theyre just delaying the release and even the showings at E3 because they are both copyright reesons and because the people at nintendo who make the game are dicks."

* * *

**(game factory... BUT FIRST it's Aranea's training!)**

This took place in backyard of the treehouse.

"Ok" said Roxy, "The course will be a shooting gallery folowedd by obsticel course. So you must do it. Not do it like the sex because while it would be hot that's not our goal in life."

Jade scratched hair. "Wouldnmt sex be a goal for parents to childrens life since that is what brings them back to life?"

Roxy gasped. "I can't beleeve there was a sex pun that "gole in life" and I didn't think of first."

Then John pushed button to begin trianing course. And then targets came out and a speaker went like in Super Smash and saaid, "BREKA THE TARGETS!"

So then Aranea did it and won.

"YAY!" Shouted Jade, "I THINK WE CURED OF CLUMSYNESS! JUST LIKE HOW ROSE ROXY ERIDAN NEPETA AND FEFEE3RI BECAME BAD ASS!"

"Now for the final test I am ready when it will came." Said Aranea. "Now we just wait."

Suddenly, bush rustle.

"Don't worry" Said Dave "its prossibly just horny people having the making love."

But it was Dirk! And he had a serial killer look i his eye! And the shades were off to show these eyes BTW!

"John..." he said, "John i have BEEN PLANNING AND PLANNIGN AND PLANNING THIS FOR HOURS BUT NOW IS THE TIME TO EXCECUTE IT!" He yelled. "YOU BROKE MY HART AND NOW I'M GONA TAKE YOURS OUT AND RIP THE AEORTA RIGHT OUT OF IT!" And then he drew katana.

Roxy entered kung-fu stance. Dave and John were also badassess, but because of the course now was Aranea. But Jade still sucked at fiting!

But Dirk was like the Sasuke to there Naruto meening he was way too fucking powerful and jumped and it was a high one jump and he took out his katana in mid-air and was reddy to fite.

He landed with a powerful SHING with his sword going after John's gun but John blocked it with his gun. And they sord/gun clashed and it looked cool. dave and Roxy and Aranea tryed to go in too but Dirk did like a spin slash like Zelda does.

"I WILL GRAB YOUR FACE, YOU CHEETER, AND CHEESEGRATE IT AGANST A WALL UNTIL IT IT JUST A SMALL THIN SLICE OF SKIN! I WILL THROW YOU IN A CAR CRUSSHER AND CRUSH YOU INTO FINE POWDER. ALSO DAMARA IS A FREAKING BOYFRIEND STEELER AND THAT IS NOT COOL AT ALL!"

Andd then John managed to nock the blade out of his hands. Dirk ran after it (which went stuck in the ground) and was pulling it oput of ground when Jade tryied to act brave but only because that was her crush out there. Jade then did hit Dirk but Jade was week so it was a week hit. Dirk then got up and bitch slapped Jade and Jade was nocked out.

"NO!" John said "MY MORAIL!"

"GRR..." Dirk growled. "I WILL TEAR YOUR EYES OUT FROM YOUR ASSHOLE AND BURN THEM AND CHOKE YOU USING THE LENSES!" He yelled.

"NO!" Shouted John back. "FUCK YOU!"

"HAY!" Dave yelled. "THAT'S A SHITTY ATTEMPT AT A IRONIC COMEBACK INSULT!"

And then Dirk charged to John, but John got another plan! He grabbed his shoulders and... (drama pause) kissed him mouthwise. And then the irises shrunk from crazy to normal and stuff and Dirk kissed back.

"Aw look you really got bck together!" Said Roxy.

"No we didn't." John said looking at Jade still out. "That was just a attempt to calm him down and nock some sensei into him."

"AND IT WORKCED!" Said Dirk. "COME HERE LOVABLE OAF!"

"NO! AFTER ATTEMPTED MURDER?"

Dirk frowned. "How can I reddeeem?"

John smiled. "Then again we broke up over diet so I think my breakup was as bad as your atempt to kill me so I forgive you. But we only be frends now since I don't really want to be a cheat on Damara and I'm not sure if she's ready for polygamy yet."

Roxy laffed. "O she mite be..."

"Whay's that mean?"

"SHE'S IN A POLYGAMY WEITH ME AND NEPETA!"

John smiled. "O so this means I can relationship you too?" He asked.

"Um shure." Said Roxy. "I dont see why Damara can date yuo but I can't if I'm dating Daamara."

Jade got up to see John and Roxy ksising.

"Waht happened and why is Dirk not crazy anymore?" She asked.

"You do NOT wana no!" Said John.

Aranea said, "John kissed Dirk to calm him down and no Gamara/John is stil a thing just that Roxy and Nepeta decided to go OT3 with Damara but ssince the laws of making sense put into effect that means that John can also dat Roxy, Nepeta, "

"O."

"If you want to see it yoursedlf there's security cams that got it."

* * *

**(Latula Continued, this time for realz)**

"So this is factory." Said Rose. "HAY WAIT WHERE DID DIRK GP?"

Feferi looked around "Probably to 'settle the score' I over herd him talking about it with Gamzee."

"honk HONK." said Gamzee.

"Well screw Dirk he wasn't been doing much anyway. Here's plan we go on ceeling drill hole thru the ceeling put on black paint go in on ropes that's to make it pass the security gards there."

And then they did that and jumped in. Jake's eyes were wide.

"Woah." He saed.

"What?" Asked Jane.

"Rose's butt looks so cute in tat catsuit outfit!"

Jane was rollowing her eyes. Then the RC saw the copies of the Halo right ther.

"WAIT!" Shoute Sollux. "I can sense the guard-ray lazers with my VISHIN TWOFOLD. I must get this mself since only I can see this."

Mituna wsaid, "I HAVE THAT TWO SINCE ALL YELLOW BLODS DO!"

"Sh!" Shushed Jane.

Kankri was, "mituna don't use the words yellow bloods that's not politicly incorrect."

Then Terezi roled eyesand got out can of spray and sprayed and there was visible red lines.

"O' said Sollux, as well as Mituna.

Unfortunly, without warning, ther bitckering from before had cot the attention of guards! The gards came into it and it mad Jake (who was filling in for John like a stunt double) shouted "RUN!" and then Vriska did sevral flips in order to get the Halos and then she flipped backwards from the Halo place to the rest of the group but the group no there anymore since they RAN! so Vriska followed thm.

And then Scooby Doo ensued and the background was reusing scroling becuz this fan fci has a low bujet. Then they made it outside and ran to Latula house.

"Here." Said Rose. "An I don't need thanks becuz a thanks from you is usless."

But then the security came! They folowed from the events shit from befroe!

"We got you now you under arrest."

Nepeta smirk. "Wile I was with there in that factory video game production I was loking around for wall and spying like a cat when I foun d a foto of the factory's hed runner pissing on Aham Lincon statue in Washington."

"O NO SHE'S GONA BLACKMAIL BOSS!" Shouted the head gard. "Um look guy was drunk ok?"

"WELL SEE THAT WEN I GET FEDRAL ON YOUR ASS!" Shouted Nepeta. "Sorry, I meen *Furrderal."

"Ok we back off now." And then they wocked away.

"That was rad." Sed Letula.

"I DIDN'T THICK SO THAT WAS BACKMAIL WHICH IS NOT JUSTICE" said Terezi angry.

"Hay we have a lote in differece" said Latula "opposites attact let's fill buckets now"

"NO"

"Ok now you be in." Said Rose. Vriska of course since it was predictable at this point ior mabey some point sooner just had to comaplasn.

"I TOOK A SWEEP SO I COULD EVENTALLY JOIN RAINBOW CREW BUT THEN WE NEERLY GOT ARESELFS IN VERY VERY BIG TROUBLE TO GE SUM STUPID VIDEO GAME PIRATED STEELED? NO NO NO DUMB! AND ULIKE THE OTHER QUESTS YOU DINT' EVEN GO WITH US!"

"SHUT UP FUCKASS" yeslled Karkat. Hahaha, what a funjny!

Latula also snarked. "Hahaha that pranks but not reely."

"Next on list" Said Damra" Aranea Slikre but you no that alreddy."

* * *

**(Aranea (nort Aradia that'd a diferent girl))**

The rest of the RC met wiff the Aranea course.

"Ok the rules simple." Said John again. "We target, you run over and break them."

Then, super sports montage action music played as Aranea ran thru the course and broke the targets. This scene would look a ;lot better if this was animated and not text so imageing it like that ok?

Aranea won in re-record time!

"Wow you beet us." Said Rose., "In both shooting and course. Now you in."

"GOOD NOW DO THIS BUT FOR A SWEEP!" Shouted Vriska. The rest of the Rainbows gave her ood look. "No?" She asked. They shook hed. "DAMN. I thot that at least the scorpio wuld have to do it since I am the scorpio and I had to one sweep in order to join."

"Next on list." Said Damara "Horuss Hazzak. hay that's allitertive."

(AN not intendded I thot up the corect name for Hurose before his canon first name wa reveeled because I was waiting for walkaround haitusstick to over with quickly now."

* * *

**(Horuss)**

This is going to be the ironically longest quest since the Alphas to the least focus trolls (Blu Teem) will have the longest siequests.

Equiu nocked on doro but his hand was too strong so he burst down door. "Oops" he said

"You shuld let me nock doors insted I'm good at theat recently." Said MeuNepeta

Horrus was ther. "Oh hi it's cool that Damara looks like is back,."

"O Horuss. Do the dance with no pants with me" said Damara "Or iun my case dance with no skirt"

"Hay you speck english now." But then he made frown of wory. "LIKE LOD ENGLISH! **DUN DUN DUN!**"

"Engrish doesn't exist in this fan fic" said Rose "don't be a stupid."

"So helo there Horuss" Said Fufioh. "Wer doing this wole 'alphas meetup' becuz Meenah is doing a evil and we need you to join us to stop her. These guys, the Rainbow Crew the first 8 of us are now a part of, have been hiring us all one by one to stop them. Al we need is, you, Kurloz, and... _**Cronus**_..."

Horuss was abot to say something but then Rufioh cut him off.

"Also I want to breke up with you."

Horuss gasped.

"YOU BREKE UP?" Asked Mituna.

"You were together?" Asked Dave. Snarkly.

"Ironic" Said Dirk woo was now sane. "Are first quest togethher since Mitunas - Kankri only had four rolls with him, Meulin and Porrim were done without those said four trolls, Latula didnt have me or some of the other humens, and Arane's wasn't even a fucking reel quest come on that hapened too fast and was too short - and theres breckup."

Horuss said, "We never saw for thre yeers how can you be breaking up now since we have been apeart after Damara and Meenah had once left."

"BEEN APART?" Asked KArkat. "YOU LIVE IN SAME CITY! PATHETIC!"

"SHUT UP DIS EMOTIONAL NOW!" Shoute dTerezi but she also laffed since she always does that for some reeson.

"Well I was told by Cronus that you guys were doing crBLEEPap for us inorder to let us join first so I want you to help bild a **HUGE** Horse Mecha. And I am not asking that becuz Rufioh broke up with me."

Karkat looked worry. "THIS ISNT FOR MLP FIM PORNO IS IT?"

"No."

Kankri said, "Karkat ho dare you try to mcok the fans of Ponys who want to make a slittly more 'adult' manner involving sewx you hav no rights to juje if people are sexallity attracted to horses."

"You not helping your case!" John said with wide eyes.

"O ok then i'll shut upo."

SPO THEN THEY WNET INTO HORRUS'S HOUSE."

The makanickal skeliton of the horse was alredy bilt! Yay!

We then cut to a montage of chatracters bilding the horse. Dave, Rose, Roxy, and Dirk weeere in one part. Rose was hamering nails and as was Dirk, but Dave was writting in notepad and Roxy was waching him.

"CAN I SEE? PLEESE?" Asked Roxy.

"No this is a last resort apology for John and I wasnt it to be special." He said."Also I too cool to revveel myself like that I'm sort of licke the Badtman in this way."

"Hay keep working Dave and Roxy stop doing whatevr you doing over there."

Dirk looked at how Roxy seemed to like Dave but was making advances on him, and how Dave was preparing to make advances on John, so Dirk sighed and went over to Jane and Jake.

"Jake," asked Jane, "there's a bucket of glue over there. I am in the middle of drilling this metal plate onto the sides of this hoofbeast replica, so could you give it to me?"

"Heheh bucet." Then Dirk.

"Hi I'm now talking alogt again." He said. "Jake can I hit on you?"

"I'VE BEN THICKING ABOUT ROXY _**AND**_ JANE!" Shouted Jake. "SORRY MATE!"

Jane needed the glue to hold the place thing in place but since she deosn't have it she fell off and landed on a lower support beem (AN remember this is a huge horse thing it is about the size of a five stories and this scene takes place in a warehouse that big close by Horus house) Jane saw Vriksa and Aranea bitching.

"Hay I thot a fellow scorpio wuld be happy that I also did work." Said Aranea.

"Yes but your a sucky sucky lameass!" Shouted Vriska. And then she stuck tunge out and did rassbary.

"Don't do that it makes you not make your case." Aranea said. "You look like child when yu do that."

Vriska "Hrmpghed!" and walked over, mumbling "I don even WANT to help these guys." When she triped over Jane. "Hi Jane Vriska proclaimed softley.

"Hi! I can't help but find that there is some troubles in you two getting along!" She said as Aranea wocked away gi ving Vriska a look that said "Yu no your kind of a fucking weerdo so I wock away now wile giving you this look to tell you that your kind of a fucking weerdo but withou saying 'fuck' becuz Araneas don't swear."

Vriska scouwled at Aranea then said, "Hay your a wannabe detective rite?"

"Well, I _am_ into the sleuth experts."

"And yu sometimes cosplay as them.?"

"Yes." She blushed.

"Nerd." She said, then she got defensive. "Then agan we're all nerds! Haha!"

And everyone stopped working on the horse to laught.

"EXCPT ARKAT!" Shouted Meulin from another point. (This was camra zoomout mode in order to show everyone even if they so far away they look like stick figures in representation of art)

And then the closeups on Karkat who started crying and ran without looking so he got hed stuck into a suport beem and his horns were stuck so he was yelling "fuck" a lot trying to get them out then he finalyl did.

Anyway back to Jane and Vriska, Vriska said "I want you to look up examine Aranea to se if she reely is a good member for the Rainbow Crew."

"Um... I don't personally find the idea to be-"

"Find I'll ask someon else." She said. "You kkind of lame."

Then she walked over, and saw Sollux and Mituna.

"I can't stand this guy!" Shouted Sollux. "He imcomprehensible, argues with self, and is tocks about sports too mcuh!"

"I CAN'T STAND THE OTHER GUY!" shouted Mituna. "HE'S TOO FUCKING RDEPRESSION ALL THE TIME!"

"Hay I want you to spy on Aranea and see if she's a good player for the Rainbow Crew." Said Vriska.

"Ok fine!" Shaid Sollux, "Maybe this task is SOMETHING we can do!"

"WELL I DO FIFIND ARANEA WORSE AND MORE INSUFFRIBLE THEN YOU! WHEN I DON'T WANT TO PORK HER!"

"You always thick about sex too much!" Solux rebuted.

And then they were walking alongside. Vriska stayed at where they were and finished up what the Geminis Blooded trolls started. The Geminis then camed across Dirk and Jake.

"but JAAAKKKE..." Said Dirk. "I love you!"

"John tol me everything mate!" Said Jake "If we breke up, you go crazy!"

"But I lerned lessin now!" Said Dirk. "So we get together?"

"Fool me once shame on yu. Fool me twice shame on me."

"Hahaha that's a good dualigy joke." Said Solux. "Good since I'm a duality."

"HAY!" Yelled Mituna. "YOU STEEL JOKES! DON'T!"

"OK FIND JESIS!"

Then Jake went. "Then agan Dirk I do kind of like you so screw Roxy and slash or Jane." And they kisesd. Then to make it movre like advneture wile they were kissing Jake grapped on a rope that was coming down and did a Gorge of the jungle swing wile Dirk was with him. "HAY!" Shouted Dirk. "DON'T DO A 'ASDVENTURE TIME RIDE' wile i'm srtill holding onto you! AHHHH!"

(Hay its cool that this quest had a gay pairing hook up after a other broke up so that I don't get complantes about sex erasure)

But also like in Gorge they crashing into not a tree but a steel bar. Ouch! Aradia and Damara was waching.

"Say" said Damara "These guys here, see? are having fun. Yu no have fun. You boring."

John and JAde were theyre and John giggled.

"I am not just boring I try to use my maroonbloods to predict."

Kankri ninja jump l;anded there!

"Aradia don't say maron bloods the corect term is 'trolls woos blood is colored Burgundy'."

They stared at him akwardly.

"Ok that's all." Said Kanrki again before ninja jumping to another part of the mecha. Roxy then popped out.

"Hi John your one guy surrounded by girls! There's Jade, Aradia, Damara, and now me! no guys to interfeere ever since kankri jumped in and jumpd out. Are yu getting sexually aroused?"

"A littel." He said. And then he started thinking about him and the four girls doing MST3K to Modern Simpsons. Vbut there was nothing sexual involved since John doesn't no what sex is. That right he's **THAT** much of a viginb!

Damara said, "Yes but yu no try new things like marawana or sshit? Here I offer you a smpoke."

"No." I herd that Aradia before dying used whip not like kinky sex but like Indian Jones. So she used whip to wrap around a suport beem and flew acrowwss. Damara, not giving up, tryed to follow her, but had to float over there since she left her whip at the floor of the bilding. John was about to follow since he was Damara's boyfrend but Jade grabed him by shoulders swith a worried look in her eye and sat him down. She then told Roxy to sit as well.

"Look John Rosxy I thick Damara is being a bad influence for you two." She said. "John yuu can date her just try not to say dirty shit like she does and convince her not to do this. In a way I gess that's kind of like moairals even tho it isn't life or death?"

"Moirails can be twisting to mean anything definitionwise." Said Roxy. "Anything."

John looked displeese. "What was this abot when we wocked from the treehouse after Araen'as thing to Horuss's place, when I joked by asking you to put your vagina on my penis?"

"Yes."

"But dirty jokes is are funny!"

"Ok."

Suddenly, one of those low-tech elivator things! (AN what are they called? it's lot like super low teck like those Minecraft Elivators made out of water) It was Eridan and FEferi. And as they moved up the camra foloowed them.

"Feferi yu have lolvley yellow eyes."

"ALL trolls have yellow eyes!"

"No i meen you look lovly by the comparason."

Roxy called out from belo. "HAY YOU NOT GONNA HAVE SEX IN THAT R U? CUZ I HERD IT'S EASY TO DIE!"

"No!" Shoutd Eridan.

The elivator stoped at a floor high up where the top part was alreddy finished since the lowblods were good at using ther sykiucks to hepll and the highbloods are STRONG. The persin pulling the elivator up was Gamee.

"Aw hell naw." Eridan said about Gamzee. "I thot you were Terei.. Terezi is at leest cool."

"Honk..." Gamzee wispered since he was still sober. "HONK!" He was using his sopr slime to bild it until Terezi and Latula came and shook there heds at him since that was not how you be a bilder.

"THIS IS THE LAW!" Terezi said. "LAW SAYS THAT YOU NOT BILDING RITE!"

Gamzee then cleaned up and started using glue insted. Terezi laffed.

"WHAT A STUPIDHEAD!" She said. Latula freowned.

"Not rad to insult peepol."

John climed up. Terezi and Latula gave him odd look.

"Hi mind if Jade and Roxy join?"

"NO." said Terezi. Then she turned to Latula. "AND GAMZE WAS AT RISK TO MESS IT UP SO TJHATS WONNG!"

"He may not be aa gamegirl he's a gameboy who is slob to insult and perv on gameirls but still give him respect."

"HAY!" shouted John. "NOT ALL GAME MEN ARE SEXIST LIKE THAT! i can be aknoledged that girls play games too!"

"yeah!" Shouted Latula but not as loud as Terezi since there not the same personality anymore. "see look ii a gamer since i was playing too much attention to this Game and my pranks to not bild as much but still I play game and have boobs! See look at my boobs!"

And then she riped a hole in her shirt and John covered his eyes. "See look?" Said Latula "You can be proof!"

"DAM DOG!" Said Roxy who just got there a lot with Jade. "YOU BE SEEING LOTS OF BOOBIES OF THE NEW TROLLS, JOHN! YOU A PLAYA!"

"But I don't want to! I don't like seeing naked!"

"R u stupid?" Asked Latula. "This isn't naked this is just wiffout a part in the shirt to cover chest. This is what naked loooks like."

And then she got off all closes.

"ARE ALL THE ALFAS NEW TROLLS NUDISTS OR SOMETHING?" Asked John. "SON OF A BITCH!"

And then he ran to another portion but the horse was alsmosst finished now.

"What's hhis problem?" asked Latula.

Kankri ninja jumped again. His eyes were closed because he was talking smug.

"Latula don go insulting peepol assuming that anything out of behavor is the poroblem of the mind. You see-" Then he opened eyes and saw that Latula was naked. "**WOAH I AM CELEBICY AND WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN!**"

"I was try to proove point!" Latula said.

Meenwile (AN yeah i no before I didn't do this all the scene transfers were done in a cool way of someon walking into another group but don't worry this wil kind of get to that) Nepeta, Kanaya, and Porrim were standing wile Meulin was tocking.

"BEFORE WE ALPHAS SPLIT UP I WAS ON TO HOWMUCH OF A ASSHOLE CRONUS WAS SO I ADD A BLACK LINE ON MY BELT EACH TIME HE DID A TRICK TO ON OF US! SEE LOOK!"

She took off her belt to show them, but her entire clothes fell to the ground without belt! John was running away bfrom Naked Latula and then saw Naked Meulin on his way back (AN see look I did do the scene transfer the rite way just as with the rest of this quest)! Then John ran another direction to another part of the constucton site!

"WAT HIS PROBLEM?" Asked Meulin.

Then KJankri.

"Meulin don go insulting peepol assuming that anything out of behavor is the poroblem of the mind. You see- oh god your naked too. Nevermind." Then he jumped away.

"Why did Kankri leeve?" Asked Porrim. "I thot this was a naked party."

Porrim was about to take off dress before: "NO IT'S NOT!" Said Nepeta. "Now I do shipping wall."

And she and Meulin collaboration on the shipping wal. They were agreeing a lot about what culd be canon (in order to keep sane about disagreements this special shipping wall wich is to be bild into the sides of the finished horse mechanism (ok these trolls and temporarly John were on a walkway thing onto the side of the thing so that they can continue contsructing the sides and not from the inside since if they keep in the inside it would be stuck unless they go to the door outsitde)). Then they got to Kanaya.

"Hay Kanaya" said Nepeta "did you no that lots of fans just mostly see you as a person to pair off Rose with? Some to more extent to otherers."

"I not gonna date Rose!" Said kanaya. "Or anyone for that matter! I must revenge my boyfrend Edward Cullen, thn keep mourning his deadness!"

Porrim asked, "What you and Edward broke up? Cuz if break up that actually meens free for others."

"NO!" shouted Kanaya "HE GOT KILED BY ALUCARD BADFGUY! AND I WORK WITH EQUISU TO TAKE HIM OUT, SINCE EQUIUS IS BILDING A ROBOARM THAT SHOOTS POISON SORDS AND DOES LOTS OF COOL STUFF! IN FAC, SINCE THERE'S ABNOTHER ROBO BILDER NOW WITH HORUSEE I'LL GO OVER AND ASK HIM IF HE CAN HELP."

So then she wnet into the insides and there were stairs and She insted of walking waited until she herd Latula talking:

"Hay Meulin I see your naked too. Was you trying to show a silly boy that a girl can be gamer too?"

"No I was showing Nepeta and Kanaya as well as mabey reminding Porrim (cuz its been three yeers) that I used belt to keep track of Cronus's assholness but i forgot my entire outfit was held up by this belt."

"Hay" Kanaya told the naked. "Latula can I borrow skateboard."

"Now by skateboard do you meen cfour wheel device or-"

"The former." She said. And then Latula gave Kanaya skateboard and Kanaya skated down the railing of the stairs inside wile screeming "YEAH!" in a vary OOC way until she saw the Tauruses and Saggitiartitses on a platform. She jumped off railing and landed on the platofmr and here is where the last scene of this quest is (AN see I said all the Alphas of the dead trolls get the longer quests but this on wasn't on Horuss as much as it was character development to all.)

"Hello Equius how is project?" Kanaya asked.

"I gave it to that doctor guy one last time and he messaged me saying that it planned to went to a 'Jan Valentine.'"

Then Kanaya turned to Horuss who was talking in sad to Rufioh.

"Hay." Kanaya broke in. "Equius here and I made this roboarm to get revenge on this asshol for killing my boyfrend. What if it fails? Can yu help?"

"Um sure ill tock about it latter." Said Horuss.

"COME ON..." said Tavros, "YOU... TWO REELY SEEMED LIKE A GOOD COUPLE AND WOULD EVEN MAK ONE NOW!" He argued. "WHY NOT GET BACK TOGETHER?"

"He sort of had some problems... bangarang. Like his 'fake happy' thing."

"AW COME ON I DOPPED THAT BULLSHIT 3 YEERS AGO!" Horuss shoputed. "Oh my goBLEEPsh I'm sorry for that terriBLEEPble outbuBLEEPrst."

Rufioh went "Hrm... I think about it. Thanks Tavros for the reconsidering."

Suddenly, the horse was finisehd! We then cut to the RC standing outsie, looking at it.

"Damn that look good." Said Damara.

"Ok now I join." Said Horuss.

"OK JESIS I'VE HAD ENUFF!" Shouted Vriska. "You gonna have to fite me in order to join! i had to take a sweep of lessins you musyt at the very leest fite me!"

"No I don't wanna." said Horuss. "I'd rather be peaese."

Rose kicked Vriska's back. "No Vriska. That's hazing. Don't haze."

"Hay!" Said John in happy. "That's a good lessin to kids!"

"That's right." Rose looked at camra. "Kids don't haze!" Then she looked back at the rest of the RC. "Ok that's a good point to end this chapter."

Damara's eyes widened. "No, this is. Next on list is Kurloz Makbro."

* * *

**(HOW ABOUT ANOTHER ENDING POINT?)**

Meenah was in her undies waching sports and drinking beer and eeting chips. She was in the boss room of her dungeon which is also actually the roof. The same Stalfos from chapters 5 and 6 were there and so was Homer Simpson.

"Hay new intern." Meenah said to Homer. "Get me some hot tea."

And then Homer went off wile Stalfos continued.

"Hay Meenah." Said the Stalfos. "What happened to bilding this?"

"Come on man ther at Latula last time I check that shuld take some time."

"Um.. not anymore..."

And then Stalfos pointed at the panel thing. It was all lit up except Capriporn and... _Aquaros_! Dun dun dun that meens we'llfinaly see Cronus soon (An you no he was important since he was one of the six trolls we saws in Aranea's flashback of Alphas one was Aranea the most important Alpha in canon another was Kankir the same zodiacs of the most important Zodiacs troll in canon anodther was Meenah who's Meenah and Damar'as whos Damara. then agan another was Meulin so yaeah.)!

Meenah thru her beer can down and shouted explicatives. "Carp! Whatever's doing this is doing this too good!" Then she evil smiled. "But at leest the dungeon is almost finished! Mwah ha ha!"

"O so _**THAT**_ why you relazx. You culda said sooner otherwise I think my boss is getting lazy on me."

"Also Damara is on Kurloz now. I meen, he's Kurloz for fucks sake. Plus Cronus ot to be a reel pain."

Then, Homer Simpson came back. "Here Meenah here's tea."

"Is it hote?" She asked.

"I dunno here find out yourself hee hee." And then he threuw the tea cup so that it splashed on her face! "AHHH!" Shouted Meenah.

"FUCK YOU!" She said to Homr. "That's it: your fried!"

DUN DUN DUN! wait then agan this is Homer's were tocking about he loses jobs all the time. But he stil reacted negativley! "Hay that was just a joke!"

"OH SCREW YOU! OUT YOU GO!"

And then we got a cut to outside the dungeon, where we herd a sprinkler becuz hay Meenah cares about her watering the grass in the forest outside Grand Canyon which the border of the forest to the canyon is wher the deungeoun is. Anyway it was like Jazz on the Pince of Belair and we saw Homer getting thrown out by Meenah. Doors shut. Homer looked back and was anger.

"HAY!" He shouted. "I never liked deeling with a lazy ass waching TV in ther underwear!"

"Lok hoos tocking." Shouted Meenah from behind the door.

"Mock words! I will rise to death you! I get revenge!"

There was silence until we herd Meenah laffing.

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Sorry Horuss's quest was so long. I wanted to have a little scene with each character at least once. (Except Karkat, since I gave him too many lines before. Yeah, I try to balance the screen time in this, but so far... I'm not doing that good of a job at it.)


	8. Last More Trolls! A purple finish

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 8: Last More Trolls! A purple finish**

**Beginning AN:**

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass skeleton warrior. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

The Rainbow Crew was riding on Hoross's new mech horse that was bilt last chapter and they were over to Kurloz place.

"I cannot wate to meet Cronus!" John shouted inocently. "But seing Kurloz first is ok."

Then all nine of the Alphas were slowly started to frown of worry.

"CORUNUS IS KID OF LIKE A DICK" shouted Meulin ."YOU REMEMBER THE PEN MARKINGS I PUT ON BELT? SHULD I SHOW YOU AGAIN?"

"Um no thanks!" Said John.

Meenwile, Rose on phone. Jake went tup to her.

"Whatare you doing ther mate?" Asked Jake.

"I hiring... _**interns for latter...**_"

**CHAPTER VIII**

* * *

**(Kurloz)**

They went to the apartment and ansered door. Suddenly at door, man in a dress!

(This is like Big Bang)

Jane looked at the adress and then at the man.

"...Mister Makbro?" She assked.

"O no. You want the crazy guy on the other side of the hall."

Then they opened and saw Kurloz. He didcn't have stiches becuz I dont' like the Meulin/Kurloz backstory. Wait did I just say that before? go check chapter 6 becuz I don't want to do it because I have to deel with SCHOOL while WRITING and it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to look it overr to improvve!

He said nothing, just waved finger to "one second" and ran over to get paper and pencil.

"What the fuck is wrong weith him?" Asked Jake. "His he mute?"

"No he just doesn't like talking." Sadi Aranea. "He is fuly capable of talking he's just not want to."

"HOW UNIQUE!" Shouted Roxy.

"no there are lots of character who dont talk like Captain in Hellsing" said Kanaya.

Kurloz came back and had a paper. He wrote.

(AN if it says "Kurloz said" and had quotes it was reely just him writting down" not talking I'm too it doesxn't really make a different if OI put into it more to say "Kurloz wote down")

"Motherfuck."

"Motherfuck again faygo." Said Gamzee.

"Motherfuck faygo miriricales." Said Kurloz.

John and Jade looked at eachother and WTFed.

"WTF?" He asked.

"I think they're morse codding or something."

Mituna started freeking out. "ITS A CONSPSISRISY!" And then he ran around until Porrim grabed him on shoulder and shook him. "CALM DOWN BRO" she said.

"Faygo faygo faygo." Said Gamzee.

"OK" SAID KJARKAT "what just are you stalking about i'm getting upset that your not making sense with us just tell us what your saying and writting in english!"

"Were not massinging weere just talking like interests." Kurloz said/worte.

"O OK THEN."

Aranea asked. "Do you want to join the Rainbow Crew we're reuniting the Alphas and in fact Damara is there."

Kurloz nodded.

"o a quiet ass huh." Said Feferi.

John frowned. "O FUCK THE LAST TIME SOMEONE WAS NOT TOCKING MUCH THAT WAS DIRK AND HE WENT BATSHIT!"

"But I'm fine dnow." Said Dirk then he waved to showede that he was fine.

"Ok I guess there's nothing to wroyt about.l" Said John.

kurloz wrote, "First I want you do to something for me."

Rose sneered. "Sorry IU don't give blowjobs" and then she shut the door.

Kurloz opened again.

"How you opened it?" Rose asked.

Kurloz wrote, "It locks from the inside stupido!"

He also wrote, "Also twhat i want is a wissel."

"Where the fuck do we get that?" Roxy whined before hitting her hed on the wall.

"Do you want to make yourself dummer then you are stoped doing that." Said Kanaya.

"I'M NOT A STUPID!" She said.

"Ok then hit your head all you want."

Kurloz wote, "Shit I don't know how to find wissel but it should be anyewhere."

SO THEN THEY WRENT TO HOMER SIMPSONS'S PLACE. It was easy since he wasn't in his home state of New York because him and famly were, THE SIMPSONS ARE GOING TO CHICAGO!

"Hello" said Homer in a jackass accent. "What do want?"

"You have a wissel Wallmart was sold out and Kmart sucks." Said REose.

Karkat then "YEAH WHATCHA GOT?"

Then Fefman went, "Don't forget to be talking a little nicer. You can attract flies with honey mor then viniger.,"

"You no what else atrackeds them even more" said Equius "Corpses" (AN i ripped off Big Bang Theory too much so this joke wasn't manuer like in BBT) "Like in killing the,. Sweet delisions corpses."

"Look I only haz one wissel and it's a very very rare one. I'm not gonna give it to you unless you give me two things. One:I wana join you guys but not for the uniting that shit's boring I mean for the asskicking of Meenah that this guy named Cronus have been telling me."

"FUCK." Karkat yelled.

Then Vriska was, "Dude I took a sweep to have to be in hgreere man..."

"Hrm we try to kill meenah too." Said Nepeta. "Cool this could be a shiping thing but Hoemr you kin of suck."

"What's the other thing is it getting your son laid? "Asked Roxy.

"No I want to get almo beer. Ut's like Buff Beer but rarer."

Then they went to likor store.

"HAY! R U 18 ENOUGH TO DRINK?"

"No we 16." Said John.

"o ok then. So what beer do you want?"

"We want almo."

"TWELVE MILLION DOLLERS!"

Rose put hands on head and shook in disbelief. "Holy moly, that's a loot of money eh!"

Mituna bitched, "HAY THAT COSTS TOO MUH!"

Liquor owner said, "Well if you help me get some sawdust to bait termites I've been having I can cut the prise into twelve."

"That's stil too much!" Rose wined.

Latula snaped fingers like a cool. "dudez i kno how to get zome zawduzt."

Meuline sc ratched head. "WAIT CAN YOU REELY USE SAWDUST AS TERMITE BAIT?"

"I don no but I think I can and becides why should you care I'm just a NPC who will not become irrelevant again at any point later on in this fan fic...

...

...

...

...

...

_**OR AM I?**_"

But they left at this ponte to go see Link.

"Hay guys didnt think I asee you again." Said Link.

"Agan?" Asked Latula.

"Yea you came to vist me in the comci con but without most of theese new guys."

"O yeah after we got Rufioh," said Roxy, "hwe hired the others seen her: Mitina, Kankrri, Meulin, Porrim., Latula, Arnea, and now Horuss. And we need sawdust to get Kurloz. And I hopes to also try to hit on Kurloz. Wow, they be a lot of us Rainbow Crews to hit on peeopol!"

Said Damar, "And ther only be more once we get... _Cronus_"

"Sorry I don have any. Get me a dead tree."

SXo then they went into forest, but these environmental workers were putting the ded trees into woodchipper!

"WAIT!" shouted Karkat at one abot to put that last dead tree. "We need dead tree so Link can make int into sawdust so tha licor store owner can make use it to bait and latter kill termites and by the alimo beer from him at only 12 and not 12 milon so then we give beer to Homer Simpsons to get wissel."

"Um give me a rare emrald, ruby, and safire."

"THOSE RARE GEMS!" Yeled Karkat. "WHER FND THEM?"

"In my house which is a cave." Said Neepta.

So they went there and got the gems. It dint matter that much to Nepeta since she hads lots of rubys, emerals, and saffires and aslso other gems like gold, silver, dimand, and others including but not limited to... _**jade**_s...

So then there was running sequence of them trasding one item to another, and it lkooked funny. (The camra was stuck at one spot and we saw the RC runing back and forth on screen them off and ran the other way like in that trading episode of Ed Ed Eddy) John was kind of lazey so he was runing behind the hole time, and at one point when returning the sawdust Joihn was about to cach up when the rest of them ran back to Homer.

"Ok I give wissel now. Now, when we go to the Crand Canyon, I join you."

"How yu now she's in the grand canyon?" Asked Aranea.

"Um luckucky guess hahaha."

So then they went to the Kurlzo and gave widssel and he wrote, "Ok I join now" and Vriska companed. "BUT YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING EETHER JUST LIKE LATULA! ARGH!"

"Last on list." Said Damara. And then her eyes widerned. "CRONUS APORIA!"

* * *

**(Cronus)**

Cronus was in a long red car like that penis car in _Fammly Guy_ episode "And Weener is..." He drove up to stoplight on a street that led to freeway exit. Someguy was ther too. Cronus and the other guy loked in eye.

"Hay when you put that car in driveway, does diveway ask 'Isn't it in yet alreddy?'"

"OH IT'S ON NOW WE RACE!" shouted the other guy.

Light turned gren and they raced down exit into freeway. There was littel traffic there since most of the cars were gone to the 50 Shades of Gray exxibit but there were still some cars to keep this race interesting. Cronus saw a box that looked like item box from Mario Kart 7 sand ddrove into it, breking it and getting a blue sheell. Luckly for him he was in last place out of two so if he got it, it would not hav been accident to use it in first place cuz his finger slped, which happened to me more then once! (AN although at the third time that was me getting it in last place, maiking it to first place, and using it to see what would happen.)

"EET THIS!" Crons shouted, and he blue sheled the other racer! The other racer's car was destroyed but the racer wasn't dead since Cronus is not a murdererer. Then he lafefd.

"HAHAHA! THANKS TO THIS NEW CAR, I CAN PWN NOOBS AND WACH _REN AND STIMPY_ AT SAME TIME." And then closeup of his car's TV.

_Stimpy was wock thru waiting room._

_"Ren!" he caleld. "Where the hell in God's name r u?"_

_Then he got into door, and on other side Ren was on operating table with a man in doctor outfit holding a razor to his croch._

_"I ABOUT TO GET A VASECTOMY NOW GO AWAY!" Ren shouted._

_"Eye eye captan!" shouted Rstimpy with a smile. He then walked out of office. "I WANDER WHAT I DO NOW THT I DON'T HAVE REN!"_

_Then he wandered into constuction site, but the one of those beems hit him! Then we saw X-ray, and his branes melt! and then no-X-day, as we saw the brains now liquid running out of his eyesw like tears._

_"That wat I call, 'brain damaouge!'" Said a sexy naked _**(Getting Carp Past The Radar!)**_ women who was there._

_"Shut up ho!" Shouted Stimpy. He was stil able to talk because cartoon fysicks._

"Hahaha!" shouted Cronus. "THOSE AMINALS ARE SO FUCKING FUNNY, I'M GONNA-"

But insted of saying pull onto another lame like in that Famioly Guy joke, he didnt see that the freeway went into a bridge part, and the bridge cureved, so his car went speedoing off the brije!

The Rainbow Crew, meenwile, was wocking aacross street.

"FUCK!" shouted Rose. "CRONIS LIVES ON ILAND! IT WULD BE HARD TO FIND HIM."

"Like," said Horuss, "I no I'm not reely that much of a optimist and was only faking that during my short time as Alphas, but I still am thinking during my spar time that I can come up with the desicion to do the best option since it isn't hard. In this case, boat. Or we could ride the horse thing over there."

Since they werent on the horse rite now it ran out of battery but hey they plan on fixing it after beeting Meenah while I sweer to Gog will hapen on THIS chapter.

Suddenly, Cronus! He fell off the bridge in his car (this took place a litel in past so that he wouldnt been falling for so long that it would nt make sense for bidge to be that high."

The car landered and since it was a half-convertable (it didnt lkook like the convertable cars but it had no roof ceeling) then it made Cronus fly out. Car assploded but since Cronus was away and on the floor he did not die.

The RC wet up to him and crowded in circle.

"Is he ded?" Asked Nepeta.

"No he breath." Sai Rose. "But wy should he care?"

Damara nujed Rose's shoulder. "Becuz that's Cronus."

Cronus stlowly stood up.

"O fuck you guys no jevoka's witnissess are you?" Cronus said.

"No were the rainbow Crew!" Said John. "Also we hired every alfa exept Meenah who wer trying to fite... and _you_."

So then he stood up. "Oh.. yeah I was the herd of you. I want you to do something for me first."

"Of course how culd I doubt." Said Rose. "You WERE the one hoo told some of tghe Alphas that we were doing shit for everyone. What is it yu want?"

"Well my erotic car just broke over ther so I want monee to get hummenr."

"BUT YOU HAD BACD SKIL WITH CARS!" Yelled Meulin ."LIKE, YOU COULD CRASH IT A SECIND AFTER GETTNG IT."

Damara looked angry. "Oooh... not just cars. Any vecle."

FLASHBBACK

Before the Alphas had had goten the mishin to send Damara out, all Alphas were there (13 YO again) and were standing to the side of trane tracks.

"LOOKAT WHAT I BOT!" Shouted Cronus as he was driving the train down the tracks. But then, he was being lazy and accidently leaned on the breakes! (AN I not no how train works so please forgive if there are errounous) The train was going fast alredyy, and it was hard break, so massive train wreck ensued! And then the train exploded!

"Yikes!" Said Porrim. "That's a biger train wreck than Great Pikmin Fan's _Total Drama World Tour Rewrite_!"

"I'm oka!" Said Cronus.

END FLASNBACK

"So just like save up or pool toegther money or something." Cronus oferened.

"We do have enuff monee if we pool together!" Porri offered.

"I'm not wasting the money I have on this doochebag." Rose said. "I alreddy know he's bad news. Instead, I shall get you all to earn money for him."

JOB.

They were workig in hospital. Karkat was janitor.

"Ok" said Doctor Guy, "I give you place to put this spills you mopped up in."

Then he handed out bucket of water. Karkat panic because it was buckets and spiled bcket everyowhere.

Meenwile, John Jade and Damara was with Horus.

"So um I am beleeve that I a horse." Said Horuss. "Ther is a little bit of horse inside me."

"Duuuuued!" Said John. "Wonder if that's true!"

Damara laffed but Jade sort of blindly agred with John.

"Guys, John and Jade, Horuss is kind of crazy horse obsessed liek that. You reely need to no him."

Then, Kankri!

"Dama you be jujing so what if he wants to like being horse."

John laffed. Jade peer pressured into laffing two becaus she wanted in John's pantas. Then John, Jade and Damara wocked away, leaving Kankri and Horuss.

"John shure has been getting meen since he became Damara's boyfrend."

"Shit how should I no." Said Kankri. "I didnt no the guy until he was kissy-kissy with Damara. WAIT A MINITE YOU DIDN'T EETHER!"

"We should anti-Damara alliance." Said Horuss.

"Ok."

Remember last chapter of how Sollux and Mithuna were hired by Vriska to spy Aranea? Yeah well the two yellbloods were waching Aranea gfo to bathroom place. There were four doors unlike humens society where they only two: "Men," "Women," "Troll Men," "troll woemen." Aranea went into troll women door. Mituna and Sol,ux followed. Vriska pesteredlog them:

AG: Hay Solu.  
TA: what the fuck  
AG: Wher Aranea?  
TA: 2he2 iin bathroom now. 2hould ii and miituna priivacy?  
AG: No! She could 8e up to no good in there, and usng excuse of 8athroom as to make a trap! Or smokin' dope!

So then Mituna got out, gun and was standing on the outside wall thingys to the stall. He looked like he was gonna breking into a house like the cops do. Mituna nodded at Solux who gave siginigal.

Then Sollux brusted in instead. But Aranea was using the toilet! What a situation comedey!

"AAHHHH!" Sollux screemed. Then he fainted

"Heh heh." Said Mituna becuz he's a pervert.

Aranea grabed a toilet paper and threw it at Sollux. But Sollux was unconshious alreddy so it no use.

"Hay Mituna."

"WQHAT"

"Culd you give me that roll of toilet paper I thew it was the only one I had."

"NO YOUR GONNA THROW IT AT ME"

then, Vriksa bust in!

"A-HA!"Vrika shouted. "I knew you up to no good! Mituna, report!"

"SHE FDIDNT DO ANYTHING BAD YET" Said Mituana.

"Ok then and by the way I think your cute."

"REELY?" Asked Mituna. "I THICK ARANEA LOOKS CUTE RIGHT NOW WHEN SHE IS BATHROOM!"

Aranea finished at this poitn so she just slaped Vriska and slaped Mituna and woceked out

"You think she's onto you and Solux trying to look to see if she's evil?" Asked Vriska.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TICNK?" Mituna yelled.

"I think you would look hot without your helmit."

So then he took off helmit and they started kissing.

MEENWILE.

John, Jade, and Damar had wocked over to where Cronus himself was at, Cronus was massaging a naked guy in hospital bed.

"This is a good massage!" Said that naked guy, who looked kind of ugly by the way.

Cronus loked offended. "It's not massage it's cyropractice."

"AH! CYROPRAKTICE! THAT MASSAGE BUT WITH HAPPY ENDING, NO NO?" And then he turned over and spred legs! Cronus gasped!

Cronus got a look of horror. "I DON'T WANT THIS JOB ANYMORE!" And then he was about to leeve the bilding through window, since John Jade and Damara were standing in the door way and kind of blocking it, but then we herd Cronus screeming.

"YOU DIDN'T NO THAT THIS WAS THE 50TH STORY IN THE BILDING?" Damara ran over to window to shoot that statement over there.

"NO I SHULDA THINK MORE!" Shouted Cronus.

Damara smirked at John and Jade.

"You want me to tour gide the Alphas? Most of them seem to hav barley changed over the 3 years so it wil be eassy for me. I'll tell yu the three we've seen in hospital: Kankri is soshal justic asshole, Horus is a weerd guy, and Cronus is stupid in that he keeps doing accidents. LKike thinking he's just going out floor one when he's going ou floor fifty."

Wile John nodded, Jade went to window to call out: "CRONUS ARE YOU ALIVE?"

Crouns shouted ack, "YES I GRABED ONTO OPEN WINDOW. THERES A WOMEN GETTING BREST IMPLANTS IN THIS ROOM THAT I CLIMED IN. I DIDN'T THINK I SAY THIS ABOUT BOOBIES BUT EW..."

Then Aranea got into room. "Hay I overherd you trying to exposition on the Alphas. John, Jade I could go in a littel bit of more detail about them then Damara culd if you want, since I was pretty much the only one who visits another alpha over thre three yeers. We just... tried not to mention Damara. But we did sass Meenah a lot!"

"Yerah I'm kind of interesting!" Shouted Jade.

Then John and Jade wocked out of room and Damara looked angry look at Aranea.

"Hay!" Shouted Damara. "You stole them fro me, didn't you?"

"Well I didnkt' want THREE Damaras am I right?"

So then John and Jade were in unocupied troom of the hospital for Aranea to exposit, and Cronus was there too becuz for fuck's sake this is HIS sidequest request, and during the sidequests we haven't been fosising on the trolls who are being sidequested. Aranea was wearing bathrobe.

"Is ther anything under that robe?" Asked Jade. "Cuz it does not reely look like it."

"I forgot." Said Aranea. "Let me check." And then she took off rob e, and was naked!

"NOT AGAIN!" Said John. "put robe back on!"

"Ok"

Aranea continued, "So um about expostiotion. I tell you the long story-"

"GUUYS!" Roxy busted into room with lots of monee. "We eech did enuff hospital work to get the cash needed!

"AW COOL!" Shouted Cronus, who then wocked up to Roxy and spanked her on the bottom sinc that's kind of what he is doing right now.

CAR STORE.

"Dude I'm a pimping man." Cronus told the owner, who was also the liquor store guy since they ran a double job ecause he was poor. **(BACKSORIES!)** "I want this car."

"Sure I show you it's over here." And then he pointed hand to another way. Cronus wocked there and Damara went up to him.

"Did he buy anything from yu before? Cuz you no this guy is a idiot who crashes his cars all the dam time. And If my first re-seeing of him is any indication, he's no lernt lessin."

"Why ye in fact he bot a erotic car earlier today. But thie thing is, I make a lot of money off of himk so I rich! He makes me rich with his car crashing, to hell of thae fact that he's destroying the cars I sell!"

So then the RC except Cronus who was not yet tecnically part of the RC yet were waching Cronus in his new hummer.

"Hay guys I join now." Said Cronus.

"Ok" Said Rose.

"AW COME ON!" Shouted Vriska.

"Dude mate," Said Jake in reaction image to Vriska, "This is not the time to wine!" Then he got adventure pose! "In fac, we'll be fighting MEenah son!"

"I'll drivE!" Cronus jokd.

Then he hit the gas petal, but was too bisy with his cigarrette to notice tree in front of him! He crashed!

"Aw fuck it's broken!" Shouted Cronus. "Ah well it thought that counts not that I got a hummer so I'm not gonna decline the invitashin."

"Maybe he's NOT that bigga jerk as I thot... hrm..." Said Roxy, llooking like she's overanalyising him.

* * *

**(Questionmark Questionamark Questionamrk (AN ffn no allow repeat puncution unless three periods so I wanted to still give the effect that it's three marks not one for triple the doze of mistery))**

Kurloz was walking thru a cave. At the end there was Watar Gost. Kurloz held out the wissel he got form the sidequerst.

**"I COM BEARING THE CALLER OF THE PIKIMEN RACE!"** KLurloz said in bone text (said not write), and even the quotation marks are in bold for emphashism.

"Good..." said Watar Gost. "Good... Now I can keep it, and out of those Pikmins reach! Mwah ha ah!"

**"HONLK"**

* * *

**(Plane Ride)**

"Hay since we taking plane to Meenah's base I do airplane jokes." Said John.

Jane was liooking out. "That is one beautiful view."

"HAY JANE!" John jokked. "WY YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR DAYDREEMIG? IS YOU HEAD IN THE CLOUDS? O WAIT, ALL OF US ARE!"

Damara, in the seet in front, was "I can't take this for long. I going to get myself high now on weed."

"HIGH? YU MEENN LIKE THE MILE HIGH?" John joked.

"HAY!" Shouted Roxy. "I WANNATED TO SAY TAHT!"

"Up yours Roxy."

But Roxy shgged shoulders and went to making out with Eridan.

"DAM DOG!" Shouted John. "ERIDAN GET LUCKY!"

On PA, announcer said, "Hay were abot to land soon." Then there was page fliping. "Wait hold on... I reed manual right no.w How do I fly this thing again? Oh carp I left the PA on. Oh shi-" And then it cut off.

THE KIDS LAND ON EGYPT! naw just kidding they land on the GC.

"OH FUCK I FORGOT WE AT THE CRAND GANYON!" Shouted John. "I HAT THIS PLACE!"

"Hay this is original hideout of us back when we were the Zodiacs." Said Vriska. "Cool"

So then Jake asked. "Aight, where's the dunjin?"

Aranea pointed to it. It looked from the outside like one of those fortres in the world map of _New Super Mario Bros Wii_, but jigantic. but of course you knew this by this point if this fan fic was animated cuz we saw the outside bak when Meenah threw Homer out.

"Say speeaking of Homer..." Said John "Was he not to join?"

Jade just stood there blushing, sin she had no idea how to act in front of crush.

"Eh fuck him." said Rose. "In fact if he no come after we kill Meenah then I'll take Meenah's depacitated head and rub it in his face saying that he a lazy asshole never went on mission."

Nepeta nocked on door. Meenah who was stil in her underwear ansered.

"What the coitus?" She asked. "I don't no why there's 31 peepol."

"We the rainbow crew Mate, and wewant to hire you!" Shouted Jake eegerly.

Rose face palm. "No jake were done hiring. This is the one were supposed to kill."

"Hang on you guys kind of lok vfamilier." Then she looked around and saw the Alphas. "O. Were you guys helping the Alphas reunite?"

"Yep." Said Jaed.

Meenah sihed. "And you wanna chalenge me?"

"Yes!"

"Aw fuck... lissen I'm kind of The Hangover 2 right now so let me get reddy."

Then Vriska grabed her by her undershirt!

"Lissen punk, I've ben having to deel with hiring these freeks with us for the entire day! And trolls no even be daytime! So come on I don want to have to go thru that stupid bilding of yours- hee hee hee I can see down your shirt and see _everything_. Anyway, I don care if I have to fite you in undershirt and panies now I'll still do it if it meens Sequence Breaking aroun dungeon!"

Meenah turned head to the others. "Lissen,. do you want to fite right away or go through this awsome dungeon I madE?"

Everyone but Damara and of corse Vriska chanted. "Dungeon, dungeon, dungeon dunegon DUNGEON, DUNGEON, DUNEONG, DUNGEON, **DUNGEON, DUNGEON, DUNOGEON, DUNGEON, DUNGEON! DUNGEON! DUNGEON! DUNGEON! **_**YEAH!**_"

Meenha looked at viewer. "_These_ guys r the good guyS? I weep for the fate of humanity in this story."

But Damara wasnt gonna take any of that BS! She ran of to Meenah too, and shoutd, "HAY! I KILL YOU NOW!"

"**WAIT DONT START THE MEENAH FITE WITHOUT ME!**" It was Hommer Simpson! he jumped into the scene, but that crushed Vriska and Damara! Meenah was out of Vriska's hand grasp and she ran into dungon and cvlosed doors. "A Deel isw a deel after all!" Homer Shputed.

Homer gotr off of Vriska and Damara and they both looked at him angry. "Vuck you!" Shouted Vriska, "Now we have to dunjin for reel! I hope you painful death!"

"Hay" said John, "How bad can be?"

* * *

**(LATER)**

"FUCLK! This is lik Watar Temple on Staroids!" John winned. Him and the RC look beeten up like shit.

"Yeah this is too much!" Said Jade.

John continued, "ARGH! I can't take it! TRheres too many keys and doors and stupidly complicated puzzles and overpowered enemies! The keys! _The keys!_ If this wa a Zelda OOT temple than this would be the Key Temple! In fact, I swer at once point that we get a key, use it on a door, and on the other side of that door is a room with nothing but another key in it! this is a few JPEGS from becomeing a _Arise_ game!"

"Speeking of ZXelda OOT I wuld rather go through all 5 temples with you," Jade batted eyes, "John, then do this!"

"HAY!"said Homer with a creepy grin, "At leest look on brite side! I no have to work!"

Sudenly, Stalfos! The same Stalfos from before in the ending seenes!

"Hay I try to kill you now." Said Stalfos.

"That's king Homer isf you dare!" Said Homer. Then Homer went after Stalfos but the Stalfos got sord out and using his broken hitbox colioson powers he cut off one arm and both eyes and stab Homer's back so that he paralyzed.

"Ow! That hurt a little!" Said Homer.

Then Stalfos pushed Homer on ice block, and kicked ice blook, and Homer flew past the other RC members as they wached in shock and then the ice went to railing and Homer fell off and landed in a barrel of nucler waste, where he won't be seen for the rest of this chapter.

"Oh heaven yes!" Said Vriska. "Adding these elevin assholes was bad enuff, but then Homer Simpson wants to go on this mishin? It may have been one mishin but if Homer Actualy became the Rainmbow Crew I would quit forever!"

"HAY JOHN AND JADE..." Said Tavros. "I HAVE A CRUS ON ONE OF THE NEW TROLLS..."

"Which one?" Asked Jaed. "I mite be able to help you romance."

"LATULA..."

"OI FUCK!" Shoute Jade. "Um well try to just be yourself."

Feferi wocked towards the Stalfos ad killed it. But it was OK since Stalfos was evil at hart anyway.

"Hay I want you all to remembers that I can still be meen. I not all that noice."

"NEETHER AM I!" Jade wined. "LET'S BE FRENDS! but not makeouts since i'm saving on John."

It turns out tht Stalfos was the Boss Key Boss so the RC found themselfs boss key. SO THEY WENT ON.

* * *

**(Enemy Room)**

The enemies in this room were tuff, including hammer bros and Meetools from Megaman 2. The RC was about to pass ou. They all passed out except Rufioh, Latua, Tavros, John, and Jadde.

"HAY..." Tavros asked to Rufioh. Jade was abot to ask too. "I NEED ADVICE TO BE LATULA..."

"B e direct abot relationship that's all I can say also have confiense which I lack }:("

Rufioh continue. "Also Jade do the same with John."

So then Tavros went up to Latula and kissed her!

"No Tav... Not what do.." Rufioh said befor he also passed out from how long and complicated the dunjin was.

"Hay your kind of rad in your desision to kiss me like that. You cool. We date sometime mabey?"

"SWEET..."

"WELL THAT RELATIONSHIP CAME THE HEL OUT OF NO PLACE!" Said Jhon. Tavros and Latula also pass out.

Suddenly, a hammer bro's hammer had been throewn at a way so that Jade lost her close! She decided to use this to advantage in order to become John.

"John do you like me now?"

"No put close back on. Ew..."

"John IU've herd that the RC is acception polygamy so cn you date me and Damara?"

"I'll think about it."

"Yay!" And then she hugged him, and John backed away. Jade put cloes back and him and John bopth were unconsious from the difficulty off the temple.

* * *

**(OIS EVERYONE EDEAD NOW?)**

No they wernt, other narrader. They were in a single room piled together that had ladder which led up. The door behinnd was closed.

The RC climed up one by one and found BOSS DOOR, which they cold open with the BOSS KEY they got. When they oipened the room was foggy and floor was shallow water like the Dark Link room in Watar Temple (which is wweerd because the wether said that today would be sunny), except no island insted of that there was a couch where Meenah sat, now fully dressed for once. Also there was TV there.

"Hay cool a TV." Said John.

"NO!" shoutd Meenah. "MY TV!"

"Say why we in boss area?" Asked Nepeta.

"I movved you there becauz you were failing the templae and I thot you were insteresting so I sent you to boss room that is roof."

"Hay!" Porrim shouted. "I just reelized someting... YOU THE VILLAN!"

Then Porrim dashed at Meenah, bu Menah got out sord and cut off her head! **DEAD**

"Nooooo!" Shouted Nepeta. "I was beigining to love her! Gr... now you will face the rath of a pissed off kitty! I have nine lifes!"

Suddenly, bats with a bunch of jade body parts like the glow of eyes and a little of their underside etc begane to fly in from the fog. They went to Poirrim. Then we saw cool regeneration scene, as the bats turned into jade blood and fused with Poprrim's body and merged it together or something I'm not reely sure how to describe, but the point is Porrim is back!

"How the hell did you do that?" Meenah ased.

Porrim looked at her hands as if she was a stoner but she isn't. "I... HAVE NO IDEA!"

She was also naked since the bat thingy didn't put her close back together on her.

Porrim continued, "O wate I remembers. During the 3 yeers I unlocked vampire skills."

Aranea exposit. "You see the vampieres originated from jade blooded trolls, they naturaly had the vampires powers within them. If they bite humen, a mutation occurs and they be humen vampires plus the troll vampire."

Cronus looked mad. "O shure give the reely strong vampire powers to the moron of the groop."

Porrim put dress back on, and was reddy to DOOL! She and Meenha had a epic foite, where Porrim was just remembering her new vampire skills and turning into blood and doing cool tricks and stu like that too, but Meenah was reflecting the attacks! It was a stalemate until Porrim turned into giant mass of scary eye form (AN by the way the Alphas don have wite eyes in this since there not dead... YET so if you were headcanonning them as having white eyes, **STOP NOW** theres yellow like the alive trolls) it was so big, it broke the fog sheeld around the room to show that it was just around the roof like a "bubblE" and that they reely were outside in the sun while it was setting.

"Mwah ha ha I strong now!"

But she wasted a lot of chakra doing that! After running out, she turned back into loking like a normal troll like she did efore the cool fight.

"You know on second thot." Said Meenah. "I sorry I attempted murder of Prrorim. You know it's gonna be dificult to take down Scratch with just myself. So what the fuck, Why don't I bbecome the new leeder?"

"Suck my clit." Said Rose. "I'm the leeder, unles you wanna try to fite all 31 of us."

"Urgh fine. Can I be in as a member? I guess I'l try to join to the leeder in the..." she gulped. "_Non vilent against my own team way!_"

"Ok."

"**WHAT THE FUCK?**" Bitched Vriska. "Ok, that's it. I'm not gonna be in this RC anymore. Hand me a bucket of green fase paint. I'm joining the Felt. That's rigt! You don have Vriska Serket to kick around anym,ore! Yea, see you all!"

Neepeta steped in! and equius

"Vrisa wate!" Nepeta shouted. "This is all about acceptince and woring together! Untied as one, we get the job done."

"Nah I'm stil going to join Felt."

Equius looked unsettling. "How bout this then. If you quit, that fine. But if you join the Felt, you'll be are enemy, and I can rip you in haff if you join them now, and if you run you won't be getting the plane ride back. So do you want to just quit and become citizen? Or join Felt?"

"Actually I was mainly thicking of Felt becuz I heer they serve food almos as good Jane, are chef, serves food. So I want to be in either. So I gues I'll be a RC then since I get good food and Equius won't rip me.

"Ok now that settled." Said Dave. "Befor we leeve tho I want to show you al something."

Meenwhile, on that monitor thingy that showed which Alphas were hired, it was all filled out except the Peises. But then the icon was sllowly lighting glowing up as with the other icons when the troll is hired, but then THIS icon glowed reely bright because Meenah didn't design the wole thing where she would get hired too well since she didn't expect it much but hay best to be prepared right, so the tracker thingy exploded! But it was a friendship metaphor explosion or something like that so it's okay.

* * *

**(Bak in Dunjin)**

Meenah had showed Dave the band room, since Maaneh bilt a band room for the heck of it. Dave trook out the notebook thing he was writting in since chapter 4, polaced it down, and sand a song wile smiling:

_Johnny boy..._

_I'm vary sorry for,_

_That momment of the bear incident!_

_Johnny boy..._

_You found it meen but,_

_As a humen that was just the instinct!_

_I hope you assept this idea to get back to love!_

_It wa idea that,_ and then Dave looked at the camra, _Came to me in my tub!_ Eyebrown wiggle.

"THANK YOU ALL!" Dave shouted. "I GOT THAT FROM _BIG BANG THEORY_ HOWERDS SONG TO BERNIDATE!"

"I am so sorry for that." Said Rose. "Yu want me to kil him?"

"Aw that's sweet..." Said John. "Ok Dave's cool sagain.

"OMG DAVE HOW ROMANTIC!" Roxy shouted, even if the song wasn't to her. And then Roxy ran over to Dave and the makeouts ensued. So now Dave was part of the polygamy thingy that I alreddy lost track of... umm... hay Nepeta/Dave shippers I think this meens that tht pairing is now in HHC? I dunno.

* * *

**"(Flashback)**

This yesterday. (After chapter 3.) Trolls were sleeping and the RC wasn't in the treehouse anymore since missions no more they opff duty. They were in origial house.

Dave was in bubble bath. Suddenly, Marge Simpson naked on the other side of tub!

"Ah! How did get here?" Asked Dave.

"You imagining me now. It teenage hormone fantasy." Said Marge.

"Well crap I wished I think of something better then you."

MArge did the anoyed look thing.

"Say" Dave continued "I like this guy named John but I did a bear thing and now he's aganst me and my entire groop hates me. What do?"

"Well I'm crazy so IU sugest sing a song! It's so bad of a idea, it's a good idea that might work!"

"I don't think that's how So Bad It's Good Works. Now anyway if youre my fantasy I don't want you I want a diferent to be my ho."

"HO HO HO!" shouted Santa Closse!

"AH!" Dave screemed. "EVIL SSANTA!"

And then Dave leeped out and got katana and sord fited with the Santa, who looked like computer generated in CGI. But Stanata used his snow magioc to make a ice crystal to block Dave's sord! Then, Dave grabbed rocket luncher and shot rockerts everywhere! but they went thru Santa because it turns out, that Santa was a figment of Dave's imagination!

Bro entered the room.

"Dave what you doing?" Asked Bro. There were scorchmarks because of the bombs in the rocket laungcher, and scratches on th wall because of tje sword.

"I was takking a bath."

"I hope that all your doing." and this is the last Big Bang joke I'll rip off I swear. Anyway Bro did Frown of Worry. "We share that tub you know!"

**END OF SEASON TWO.**

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Okay, I _promise_ that season 3 is where things will go down. Plot-wise, at least. Humor wise I can't really garuntee anything. Season 3 is going to be the shortest season in the entire fan fic, as it is for the most part filler that leads up to the fast-paced arc that is season 4.

Well, in all honesty this season was sort of rushed. Except to see several changes to the jokes and scenes to be even longer in order to try to keep with my spotlight focus promise. Again, it seemed highly unlikley at the time that we'll see the next ten A1 trolls anytime soon back then, and when the final walkaround was out, I sort of had to think a lot of things on the fly to keep with my promised due date. Unlike with HUC, which I only gave myself three days per chapter before publish, I allowed myself to work starting from whenever point. Unfortunatley, I didn't even bother to draft Meenah's dungeon invasion before the whole "holy crap the last walkaround is out gotta finish gotta finish gotta finish" panic and... well... almost all of chapter 8 was written during just the three days after chapter 7's publish.

Anyway, with another season of this out of the way, I'm not going to worry about this until December (unless there's some glarring error or something that I want to edit/fix). Until then, though, I can almost garuntee that I'll start publishing a serious - but crack-y - Prospitcest fan fic within this month. In hindsight the premise of said Prospitcest fan fic I'm writting may be stupid as hell, but I'm going to stick to it to see how the final product will turn out. What is the premise? I have not-so-subtley hinted at it somewhere in this season.


	9. Pikmin Get Mad

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 9: Pikmin Get Mad**

**Beginning AN:**

Okay you know how I said I would update this on December? Surprise! I decided to push this season up to here, and season 4's date to where season 3 was originally going to be. I thought that it would make sense, if there's going to be a "mini season" like this in between two more "full seasons," to make the span between the seasons shorter. Heck, both this and the next chapter are sort of "bottle chapters" in terms that not that much work was really put into these and the plot is simple. Also, chapter 2. Chapter 2 was a bottle chapter leading up to chapter 3, which was the closest the first season got to becoming like later seasons.

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass swarm of carrot ants. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

_Conker's Bad Fur Day who was a red squirel like Rodney from Squirl Boy was jumping into fire boiler palace. There was fire monsteres over the place smokin' dope like there boss._

_"HAY!" rapped Conker's Bad Fur Day. "No smokin dope! There's second-hand in that, that could make someon choke! If you waste monee on it, yu could go broke! And that sure as hell, ain't no joke!"_

_"No what going to do wer're fire and you have no water. There is masheen of alcohol over there but alhol is flambeable so yeah hahaha."_

_Conker's Bad Fyr Day rapped again. "Yo, i no one way to make you hiss. I drink that booze over there and turn it into piss! I'm a badass, I drive a ford! Your skin may be fire but my dick is a sord!"_

_Then he akvated the alamo beer thing, just as the fire dragins were too stupid enough to NOT tell him that they weree there in order to give themselfs the invilcibiliy from weeekness. Then Cinker's Bad preoceeded to pee on them._ And then the camra zoomed out to show that this was reealy just a movie that Jhn and Damara were watching as part of there date they were having.

"THIS MOVY IS WEERD!" Shouted John.

"You didn't thhink that during the fite against the giant shit?" Asked Damara.

This took place on the night after the events of seeson two. The trolls were dsleeping since they were up all day, except John, Damara, because they were date and Rose who was working and mabey others who nows it's kind of a long nite.

Meenwile, in her house, Aranea was recap seeson two.

"In the morning after the events of the first season, Eridan had taken Rose, Roxy, Nepeta, and Feferi over to a dojo, as recommended by the card that Geno had given them earlier. In short time, Dave had been messaged that John will return, and he in turn messaged that to the people in the dojo. On the way to the bay, Eridan had asked Feferi if his new sword abilities would make her want him in a flushed relationship, to which she answered 'maybe.'

"John, Jade, and Damara had successfully returned to the docks of a New York beach, to which the other members of the Rainbow Crew flew over to get there on a plane. It was after that I had made it to their meeting area and told them about the relationship between me, Meenah, and Damara: We and nine other chosen trolls were part of another anti-Hitler Revival Group organization called the Alphas. We broke up after the incident seen back in chapter 4, where our only mission was to investigate Doc Scratch and his possible drug use. I convinced the Rainbow Crew to delay fighting the Felt in order to fight Meenah and to try to stop her from possibly becoming an even worse threat than Scratch (and I know she would because I _know_ Meenah, wink wink), and convinced them to also hire the other nine Alphas. Well, ten. I broke their television, meaning that I won't be hired until after I complete a test corse, which won't come until after they've gotten Latula, since they were hiring in zodiac order. However, each of them required a task first:

"Rufioh wanted to get an autograph, a sign of approval, from Link, the Hero of Time. Er... whatever Link was the hero of at the time. It was revealed there that Rufioh had a palecrush on Cronus. Unfortunatley, Link's bodyguard turned out to be a visious alien, where it is revealed that us Alphas are actually stronger than we seem and just Rufioh and Damara were able to take him down effortlessly. But beforehand, Roxy and Nepeta had suddenly hooked up. As a reward for this, Link gave the Crew two bottles, each containing rare colors of cherub blood, stated to be able to make something indestructible if used right. Mituna wanted to escort copies of his hacking magazines from his home to a new goal; a building where a consumer were to surley buy them. However, he and the Rainbow Crew were attacked by ninjas.

"Kankri wanted some of the Crew to stay with him during a debate so that he doesn't faint. While this was going on, the rest of them hired Meulin - who had a fondness in Jake and wanted to fulfil the mayor's demands by building a portion of a wall to keep out bulborbs. John and Rose led to the failure of this, which added an extra burden on John's back for coming up with the idea that the wall was really an anti-immigration project, even though one side of it was planned to have a gate that lets any citizen of the United States pass. With Kankri's quest no being done yet, the Rainbow Crew went to Porrim's and helped her fight the Rainbow Sisters, who stood against everything that Porrim's femenism stood for. Kanrki's debate was finally resolved after that, and it turned out that Meulin's _other_ big crush (compared to the average member of the Rainbow Crew, obviously not counting Jake as he was her first revealed "big crush") was Kankri himself.

"Next was Latula, who's quest was the first action that questioned the morality of the Rainbow Crew by making them steal a copy of _Halo 4_ for her. Upon her introduction, she broke up with Mituna because she found Porrim more attractive. And Jake seemed to have a slight crush on Rose, or at least thought she looks attractive. Then, I had to complete a training course. During the practace run, Dirk tried to attack us, having gone insane over his breakup with John. John calmed him down with a kiss, and a short discussion eventually revealed that Damara had been in a polygamous relationship with Roxy and Nepeta. Finally in this leg of the recruitment, we all built a giant horse mecha for Horuss. Vriska started getting suspicious of me, so she got Mituna and Sollux to spy on me. Also, Damara seemed to have a red crush towards Horuss, Rufioh broke up with Horuss but they got back together, Dirk tried to advance on Jake, only for Jake to be not only thinking about Rose, but also Roxy and Jane, Mituna had some kind of sexual urge towards me, and Jake and Dirk became a couple.

"Between the third and last legs, Rose mentioned hiring interns, who will become the main conflicting force of this season in due time. Kurloz wanted a whistle, which after the next quest he was seen giving it to a mysterious figure in an unknown location. Plus, Roxy had mentioned something about hitting on him later on. Cronus wanted money to buy a new hummer. Vriska and Mituna also became a couple whist trying to spy on me to as part of a plan to see if I was up to no good. Also Cronus seemed to have some sort of weird relationship with Roxy. Though he crashed the vehicle he just earned, as he always crashes his cars through carless driving, he still chose to join the Crew. Finally, we all went and tried to assault Meenah's dungeon. On the plane ride, Roxy decided to hook up with Eridan, uniting the two... er... 'polygamy branches.' Homer Simpson, who very briefly worked for Meenah before she fired him for a harmful prank, decided to join us before one of the minions injured him and tossed him into a barrel of nuclear waste. Tavros revealed his crush on Latula shortly after Homer's injury. They got together shortly after a sudden kiss. After that battle, the dungeon prooved too difficult for any of us to continue. Meenah at first fought us, a battle that reminded Porrim of her vampire skills, before realizing that it would be easier to take down the Felt if she teamed up with us. This means that all twelve Alpha trolls have been hired as part of the Rainbow Crew.

"Also, Dave was now forgiven by everyone for the bear-pushing incident with a song he came up with. This won the attraction of Nepeta, adding Dave into Nepeta's circle of polygamy as well."

**CHATTER IX**

* * *

**(Still in theeteatar)**

John and Damara left the moovys and got in car. Joh drove.

"Ok today we took are relationship in same level by kissing. Mabey tomorow we go a little further with... FRENCH kissing! Haha, ain't I dirty?"

Damara rased eyebrow. "Bich you have no idea who your tocking to right?"

"Say, where you house at?"

"O I was living with Felts for the three yeers and a week after I was kidnaped Machsticks burned down my old house so until I get to insurance it back in the banlk so..." She leened in on him. "I gess I'm sleeping at your place, then?"

"Ok I can sleep on couch you can take my bed."

Damara loked annoyed. "How bout we _both_ sleep in your bed?"

"Ther mit not be enough room."

Damara racepalmed. "Yu no I was suggesting that we sleep in your bed, and you tear off my scoolgirl uniform and- **(VERY VERY CENSORED. Put a twenty secind long bleep here.)**"

John pullled into his diveway and was swetting like a horse. "Wow Damara I dn't no you wanted to do the nasty bisiss with m,e. This is very akward developmint. I must say howevr that I will wate till marrage because that is always the right thing to do."

"GOSH!" Shouted Damara. "You no fun!"

So then they walked in, and Nanna was there. BUT WAIT! For fan service, she was now a 34 year old hottie who at themoment was wearing nothing but a small blu thong bikini and she was carrying cake.

"John you want yet this other cake I baked wile ago?" She asked.

"Mom don embarass me in front of my new girlfriend!"

"You hav girlfred?" She looked surpsied.

"Yes and can she stay over? Like, sleep over?"

"Doze she have zombe virus?"

"NO!" Shouted Damara.

"Ok then she can stay."

IN JOHN'S ROOM, Damara and John wer look at bed.

"So I didn't bring any PJs so I gess I just have to sleep... _naked_."

"Hay!" John broke in like a nerviously. "I think I go to the Rainbow Crw's treehouse. Mabey there's someone there at leest."

"Ok."

So then John ran out, and when he left, Damara smirked. "I'm gona get him to drop that 'befor marraeg' BS. Aw yeah... noone can resist me."

On the way John ran past his mom.

"Hay mom remember those Rainbow Crews?"

"I thot you were straight in fact you showed me your... _girlfrend_. But i gess strate people can join a gay rally too."

"No, we don't docus on sexuality rights al the time! Most of the time we fite badguys."

"Oh... _Hrm_..." She said.

* * *

**(MEENWHILE...)**

Jake's house. He was sleep, but was woken up by a brite red light in his windopw. He got up and looked out to see... NAGRY MOB of Pikmin! The glow came from torches, but not from the pitchforks becuz pitchforks don't glow as bright.

Then, rocks flew thru window, and several Pikmin breaking and entry into his house and dragged him outside and to the direction of the treehouse (we can see that it's in the direcsion of the dragging becuz it's in background.)

"What doing mates?" Jake asked.

The leeder, who was a Red Pikmin because you meet them first in both (and mebey all three) games, spoke. "We show Rose that the RC treats us badly by burning you with a laser."

"LAZER?" Jake shouted in negativity. "THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL!"

"It painful thing for a painful lessin that needs to be a making of."

* * *

**(Teehouse)**

Rose was acting like Integra from _Hellsing_. Or at leest, her OOC interprise of Integra.

"DAMMIT INTERNS, GIVE ME SIGAR!" Rose bitched.

John opened door, but there were Pikmin everywhere!

"Hay Rose you do know um that there are pikmins right?"

"Yea remember last chapter when I say I sire interns? Yeah well this is them." She was ritting sum papers. Then she looked at John and gave accusing glare. "Say how there fuck did you get in my treehouse?"

"Yu gave every Rainbow Crew member a copy of key."

"O rite. So I gess while your heaer then I guess Kanaya and Porrim can show you something."

"What?"

"Uniforms."

"_**Aw no!**_"

"Aw yes!" Rose cheered. Then she snaped fingers. Kanaya and Porrim cammed and pointed at dressing room set up in the middle of the treehouse's main rooom. Also BTW the Pikmi interns were very fastly bilding new rooms upstars.

"John, Rose," said Kanaya, we call the others now to get dressed in unifroms. I hopes you like them it took Porrim and I many many time and effort to bild."

Then the fade to black, and when it faded back, **everyomne was there but not Jke who was not here!**

"Ok now change." Saidd Rose.

"Do we must?" John asked.

"YES SO THAT WE CAN TELL THE MEMBERS FROM INTERNS!"

"But the interas are Pikmin!"

"What if we hire Pikmin for members and hire sum humens for interns? Yu don't know, the Rainbow Crew is crazy as heck."

"Wich changing room boy wich girl?" Asked John.

Rose wriggled eyesbrows. "Ther co-ed."

Roxy cheered! But Damara did not!

The troll said, "Hay I was trying to get into John's pantas when you called so I'mnot reely happy."

And then they got changed offscreen and there was showcase of the new uniforms.

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The girls had on long maid dresses colored like there text color, a purces also of there text color, containing tampons just incase there's emergency going on downstairs plumbing. Purse also has estrogen dose which was manditory daily, lipstik which - because this was a spy movie - also acts as lazor, magazines incase theere is need to wait like in a theroretical stakeout, YAOI MAGAZINES for th perverts in the group, and a smaller purse also of text color that acts as a wallet.

...

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The guys had on the exact same thing, RIGHT DOWN TO THE TAMPONS.

"THIS IS EMBARRASING!" Shouted John. "And my panty are riding up!"

"Mine too!" Jade bitched.

"Mine three!" Said Professor Fansworth from _Futurama_, and the camra showed a closeup of his ass as he tried to dug panty out.

"What the feck are yu doing here?" Asked the Rosey. "Your not a part of group."

"That's right! Bad news everyone!" And then Fansworth walkd out the door.

"So were Jakes?" Asked Porrim.

Sudenly, the door opened!

"Oh fuck is Fartswork back?" Rose asked. Then she told her teammates, "Hahaha get it it's like Fansworth but I did a pun."

But then, Jake entered ropetied to a poll, amnd Pikmin were carrying the poll! The Pikmin Interns inside cheered!

"You see, it turns out that thed Pikmin that attaccked Jake and the Pikmin in here r part of the same groop: We interns, but we think Rose's working demands are the unreesonable!" Shouted Red Pikmin leeder.

"Demands?" Asked Rose. BTW the Pikmins weren't just Reds Yellows Blues Whites Purples Rocks and Pinks they were other new fanmin types but not one of eech color there's also lots of Yellows Blues etc.

"Demands from the **PIKMIN GOD**!" Shouted the leeder. "We want you to pay him offerings at reesonable!"

Rose raised her eyebro. "And vhat mite that be?"

"A PUNISHING!" Leeder said, then turning to the other interns, also Jake. "PUNISH HIM! PUNISH HIM!"

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNISH ME!" Jake shouted from the poll.

"Ok how about we increase pay what you want?"

"NO MONEY CAN HELP YOU NOW!" Then he and the other Pikmin started chanting. "PUNSHI HIM! PUNISH HIM!"

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNISH ME!" Jake cried agan and tried to wiggle on the pooll.

Rose started swetting and looked over to the others. "Well fuck. Anjy ideas?"

Mituna steped forward. "HAY HO ABOUT YOU LISSEN TO MAH SLAM PEOETRY!"

"NO!" They all said before chanting again. "PUNISH HIM! PUNISH HIM!"

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNISH ME!" Shouted Jake.

Rufioh said, "Yo yo yo what if I aske what may please you?"

"We only go by wat are recent God says!"

"Recent?" Cronus asked. "What, did you all asshats convert or something? Are y0ou honestly doing this just because your a bunch of crazy guys or something, heckbent on making us suffer?"

"NO! This guy came and said he was r God. You see, we were vacashoning in China. By the Mountain Temple."

"We shuld go there." dave said, stating the oblivious. And then he made out with Nepeta, but Sollux was jeluse because he was want to be a part of the growing-mass relationship beut couldn't make the guts to ask! So he decided to make like his other gemini and go with Latula.

BUT BEFORE HE CULD GET OPPERTUNE THEY WENT ON PLANE. AT LEEST, NOT JOHN, HE WENT OVER TO SEE JAKE.

"Jake!" Shouted John.

"John OMG!" he shouted. "You need to help me! These guys are going to... 'laser' me? Anywau, I herd one of them humming to self the chant of their Gods'!"

"Is this be helpful?"

"Um I nthhink so! Play this on a instrument!"

Then he got out a bass gitar.

"Ew not theat peese of crap."

So he got out keyboard.

"Ok lissen carefully! Wait a minute... John..." he looeked at the new uniform outfit. "Why are you a girl now?"

John face-faulted. The Pikmin took attention of thias.

"OK OK THEER'S NO TIME FOR ANSWERS RIGHT NOW! UM... LISSEN CARFULYL: **A, Rite, A, Left, Up, Left, Up** those are notes like in Gitar Hero."

"Ok." And then he playued it back on his keybord.

"HAY!" shouted one of the Pikmins. "THEY PLAYED THE SONATA OF CASTLES! THE JOHN BOY IS ONTO US! YOU NO WHAT THIS MEENS FOR YOU, JAKE?"

"OH GOD!" Jake shouted.

"PUNSIH HIM! PUNSIH HIM!" The Pikmin chanted.

"NOOOOO DON'T PUNSIH ME!"

And the Pikmin were begining to untie him. John new that he must act quicklyu in order to save him so he left. THREEE MINITS LATER, Porrim walked back into the treehouse.

"Hay I forgot my new ass polisher I found here." She said, picking up one of Dave's record discs. She gturned to see... JAKE WAS ON A TABLE WITH A LAZER AIMED BELOW BETWEEN HIS LEGS! It was like inn those James Bond parodies where his arms and legs were shackeled.

"Say" asked Porrim. "Whagt are you going to do?"

"When you leeve, we turn on lazer and slowly move it up. Right now it's at bottom of table. But soon... THE LAZER WILL FRY JAKE, AND HE WILL BE PUNSIHED!"

"Your cutting him in haff?"

"No. You don get it? The lazer will hit him groin first. Then afer that we turn lazer off. So the plan is to... **CASTRATE JAKE WITH A LAZER!**"

"EEEEEK!" Shouted Jake. "HURRY! LEEVE FAST BEFORE THEY TURN THIS ON! COME ON PORRIM MAH MANHOOD IS AT STAKE HERE!" Then he turned to camra. "IF YOU DON'T GO FAST ENUFF MY MANHOOD WILL DUN DUN DUN... _BE __**A**__ STEAK!_"

* * *

**(Plane)**

Horuss was looking out window dispointed. Then, Terezi sat next to him.

"WHY YOU LOOK SADS?" Asked Terezi. "I TICK YOU SHULD BE A HAPPY SINCE RUFIOH IS STILL RELASHIN SHIP WITB YOU!"

"I am the sads because I think Rufioh's thot of breakups before makes me want to look into myself."

"O YOU SHULD ASK DIRLS."

"OIk."

So then he was walking and then John, who was siting betwen Jade and Jane, was talking.

"Jon how is relasinship with Dmaamara going?" Jaed asked.

"Bad."

"Wy bad?"

"She wants me to f-word her."

"ON FIRST DATE? GIRL SHOWS NO CLAS!" Jade yelled. Roxy nodded in agreement and went over to sit by them. Roxy to the righte of Jade, squeezing Jade against John who was on Jade's left, and Jane who was on John's left and can window view.

"Dog I agre. I don't didn't try to sext Dave on the first date."

"So John," Jane ased. "How was your... 'backup plan' with Tavros going?"

"Never spoke much."

"HAY JOHN." Roxy noticed something. "YOU SUROUNDED BY GIRLS! FEELING LIKE DOING IT?"

"No becuz I'm not Damar.a"

Jane blushed. "Say, if your little 'fling' with Damara flops because she wants a little too much... 'fling,' I'm always there for a _platonic_ talk."

"Fuck platonic." Said John. "Want to date me?"

Jade's jaw droped. Now she nows John was just playing with her head!

"Well... I... um... NO!" She shouted.

John laffed. "Hahaha I new it. You need to be a littel more impulsive Jane."

Jane facepalemed twice and stood up and stood on another seat in plane.

"Fwew!" Jade siad. "It sure was getting a case of the croudeds in here! This is a only two persons seat after all, but ther was four!"

Then Amara slid in and sat next to Roxy, squishing everyone again.

"Jon are you reely want to break up with me?" Asked she.

"Um, no!" He smiled. "Just take it slow. Like, turtle slow."

Suddenly, Kankri's head rose on the seet behind the Damara-Roxy-Jade-John seat.

"Hay there'as no turtble-themed trolls here are there because if there are I wuld say you offended them."

"Hrm. Two rams, bulls, twins, krabs, cats, **FASHONISTAS**, dragins, spiders, horse penis, water, fish, and whatever the hell Gamzee and Kurloz are suposed to be... hrm... I don't think so. And there's no humans tutrtle based. But that would be cool oif either."

"Ok then so If I speech you it would be waste of breath then." And then his head slowly sunk back down.

"Ok John I sorry I try to take things too fast with you bak there."

Meenwhile, Rose was being a pimp with Eridan and Sollux. the guys were both kissing her. Ok that's all for now.

* * *

**(PLEANE LANDED OFFSCREEN. NOW THEY CLIMB THE MONTAINS)**

"so Rufioh," said Horuss, "IOver the three years I have never really did the improvement of myself. I think I culd see why you would want to break up with me."

"Oh...?"

"Whatever it is! Tell me what you want in oreder to improve!"

"Stop talking penis in front of everything man. It's kind of weerding the cast out."

"Ok then, I shall show my TRUE form in terms of my outlook on the society!"

Suddenly, crow ninajs! They were ninjaxs not like the ninjas that attacked on Mituna's quest, but new inijas that acted like crows! And they were evil! They were flying around in sillouetes at first before landing on the steps in front of the Rainbow Crews!

dIRK ran up to try to slice them but he tripped on his dress.

"This uniform is suck!" Bitched Dirk.

"Get used to it?" Said Rose.

But, Nepeta was able to grab one and bite it! When she bite it, however, it tuerned into a bunch of black moths that flue to the top of the shrine that the RC (except Jalke he's back in the thingy with the lazer about to cut off his dong) were trying to get to!

"Hay Nepeta that was cool let's maketout." Said Rose. And they werr kissing which ment I think that there was now Eridan/Nepeta or was there back in season 2? i dont' know.

Meulin got hapy to fuel shipping walls. So then she went berzerk over it (oh um also it was her crush that ws being under attack of thret that his groind would be lazered off.

"THESE PIKMINSHALL NOT SCREW OVER MY BOYFREND, AND NEETHER WILL YOU!" And then she clawed at them all and they all became black moths.

Shockingly, without warning, the Rainbow Crew made it to the shrine..

BUT IT TURNED OUT THE NINJA BATTLE WAS NOT YET DONE! The moths had flown all to one arean, and they were merging together to form... A GRAY SKELETON WEARING SCARY BLACK ROBES, LOOKING LIKEN THE GRIM REEPER!

And then the grim reeper looking thing talked, and his voiec sounded like Berry White parody: "I thik it's time for y'all to make sweet, sweet love to THE DEVEL when I blow y'all asses to hell." And then he spawned a machine gun from mouth and started to fire at them!

"What the hell?" Asked Dave.

"What the hell?" Asked Meenah.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Said the reader.

The RC hid behind the pillars of the ruins of the bilding that was there which looked like a roman thing (AN roman bildings in china? wtf?) and there was a scroll made completely out of stone in the middle.

Jane giggled. "John think I'm unimpulsive... _I'll show him_..."

Suddenly, Tavros charged out woith lance! "Ah!" He shouted, stabbing the grim reaper-wannabe in the skull! (Er... head?) The grim guy assploded into black dust, and since it was dust and not moths Tavros new he becamse the hero!

"O MY HERO!" Shouted Latula as Latula ran up to him and kissy kissy him.

"Aw fuck, I wanted to be the hero in this predicament!" Jane shouted.

"Yu shuld be more impulsive next time!" John laffed triumphantly.

Then, Roxy ran up to the scroll and unrolled it. It red: "The Pikmin God have moved to the Grand Canyon now goodbuy. You can find WEAR in the GC I am by playing the Sonata of Castles."

Then Roxy was, "guys let's go back to the grand cayon it's said that the Pikgod went there."

"AW CRAP! GC AGAIN!" shoouted John. "I WAS JUST STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS PLACE!"

"BTW what the fuck is Sonata of Castles?" Asked Roxy.

"O I lerned that from Jake who lerned that from the Pikmins. I'll just play my keybord- HAY! FUCK! I FORGOT TO BRING IT!"

Everyone gasping, then Jade cleverly pointed down the montain to the town! "WE MUST GO TO TOWN!"

* * *

**(Chinese Town)**

It was CARNIVAL! (Like in Brazil I thick these things happen in every contry in the world except USA, and Antarticla) And the streets were filled with lots of almost naked women! _Very almost_ naked women! Some were completely naked!

"HOLY CRAP THIS IS HOT!" Shouted John. But he must not get destracted! He asked a women in the carnival wearing nothing but tiny peeses of see-through tape. "Hay um can I get erections- UH, I MENT **DE**RECTIONS to the store that sells keyboards?"

"Over there-" Pointed the hot women.

John and JAde decided to be the onlys to enter the store because of occupiedicy limits.

"Jade wy did we have to goes here in Carnival?" John asked. "I can't think strate."

"Hayu John wile were tocking about pretty girls do you think im too impulsive likje Damara, not impulsive enuff like jane, or... just right?"

"Just right. Also no JAde, I am not interested in forming a relationship with you. Pleese stop asking. Thise romance shit is hard enuff as is. No wait on second thot your not that impulsive your kind of boring but not as boring as Jane."

Then John also saw bag of penuts, and asked, "How much for your penis- OOPS I MEAN PEANUTS?"

"Five cents."

"Ok."

Meanwhile, Jane went itno a paintstore.

"How much for about... two buckets of blue paint?"

"Ok but you need to specify the colors." Said desk.

"I would love to see what swatches are available." Jane said.

Ask the desk went to get swatches, Jane rubbed hands togethre.

"Now John would think _this_ is impulsive."

* * *

**(GC for the third time from John's perspective)**

The plane ride was fast because theyre was lots of tubulence. John stood by the eje of the canyon (AN do not try that at home like it says in the opening AN!) and got out keyboard to play the Sonmata of Castles. Which caused a rumbling as a ray of azure light came out from one spot. The RC ran over to see that the light was a a rock slowly moving up, and the rock was emiting the light to show the RC where it was!

John (and the rest of the crew) looked inside the hole. The camera showed from in the hole TO the outside, and it was a little into the cave. What the camera was showing looked like a ordinary cave... so far. Then, the camera zoomed in on John's face, and he looked scared at what he saw in cave!

"Holy-"

**TO BE CONTINUED.**

**Stay toned for part 2 of this season! The shortest season, but also the one with a most Holy Shit! so far, of course, I meen season 4-7 will be getting betterer. Chapter 10 WILL have:**

**MORE SKIN:**

_Helooooo John..._

**MORE VILENSE:**

_I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL INTO OBVLIVION!_

**MORE PIKMIN:**

well duh it's the damn Pikmins arc.

**MORE AIRWINGS, AND YES THIS IS FOR SERIOUSLYS NO JOKE**

**HOUSESTUCK HURCAIN CRCONIKALS CHAPTERS 10: COMMING 11/14/2,012**

* * *

**Closing AN:**

I will update the recap when I publish chapter 10 so that it will include the Weird Romance Crap. And believe me, you should be paying attention to that throughout the fan fic. Or at least keep that in mind when reading the recaps. This fan fic does have a plot, and it does make sense (and when it has some... anacronisms or other things that don't really fit, it would usually point it out), but it sure as hell won't if you don't pay attention.

For the opening scene in the movie, I did a Google image search for "Conker's Bad Fur Day gameplay," looked at the event in the first image, and decided to have the part of the film focused on that portion. And it was the part where you have to piss on fire-dragons to put them out. I have never actually played that game, but I have been watching Nintendocaprisun's Let's Play of it.


	10. Pikmin Get Calm

**Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals**

**Chapter 10: Pikmin Get Calm**

**Beginning AN:**

**Disclaimer:** The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass water ghost. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

* * *

**BREEF INTERMISHIN**

(AN pleese go to Housestuck bandcammp and open "Engliush" under the felt album for the begining of this)

We see the inside of Meenah's dungeon, in that barrel of nuclears Homer was fell into back in chapter 8. The one you've lickley forget about alreddy.

Anyway, after a dramatic period of nothing so that **THE REVEAL** will synch with the music, suddenly a long, green leg broke through the barrel, and was getting longer and more musels!

Then, same thing but with arm!

Then, other leg came out, and at this point the Homer inside was all buff and shit.

Insted of other arm, sine while the nuclears healed his back and did... something to eyes, it culdn't yet heel arm, just the stump managed to break out, and there was shadow matter coming out of the stump, due to mutant powers!

Finally next, the body got huge - so huge the barrel was now like a helmit that covered his head, plus the Homer's body was now outside of barrel and just head was covered BY it. He lost shirt and pants and was only wearing a censored. shining green lights came from the barrel as it **FUCKING EXPLODED**, revealing that Homer Simpson had become like in that Hulk episode only he was twenty feet tall now!

He jumped ou of bilding, and shouted loud "DOH! **DOH!"** and flew over plane while his mid-jump, and that was the plane the RC was in, revealing that this took place before the end of chapter 9! Kanaya was reed newspaper.

"Hrm it looks like Alucard is dead." Then she smiles. "Well now I feels happier about life."

Meenwile, Homer kept superjumping until he landed in his homestate of New York, where he jumped into bilding with MArge there, and Marge was being... MARGE!

"Hay I want you to censor the penis on your episode." Marge told Excecutive Guy, holding him at gunpoint.

Then Homer burst in and ate her! And grew from the eets since nuclear mutaints grown when they eat people! then he hulk jumped all over and was eeting lots of Simpsons characters! Oh yeah BTW his eyes were not only heeled they were SHARINGANG FROM NARUTO. ANYWAY, he killed lots and wanted to goes to airport so that he can surf a planje over to the United Kingdoms of London, but his arm wasn't there so... but after eating much enough citizens he got arm grew back.

But then, plane landed and it was Integra from _Hellsiung_! She triple backfliped out of airport and got out anti-vampire gun.

**"ROAR!"** Shouted Homer. "I AM GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAINS!"

But Integra no scared! She shot him, only for the bullet to not do a thing!

"Oops! I forgot that this gun does not work on nuclear mutaints, but vampires!" She shouted.

But then someone shot Homer and he died for realz. WHO WAS IT? FIND OUT, BY READING _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_! (AN don't reeed up to chpater 6 thinking that that's it keep reading it will eventually say who shot Homer Simpson)

**END INTERMISSION**

* * *

"-shit!" Shouted John.

Then the camra changed and we saw that cave was reely really big. That's all. Sorry for bildup to nothing.

**CHAPTER X**

* * *

They were walking thru caves. They wanted to go slow because it was kind of sppooky but Jake's "lower horn" (aw yeah back to the Futruama references) was at steak here! The lazer could have burnt it off any second now! So thye were walking faster.

Johnwas stopped when he saw writtings on wall:

_The blue will breifly mimick the yellow.  
But the mimick will soon be healed.  
However, this heal will come with a split.  
Splitting the yellow and making it become true._

Whatever the fuck that is, it's likley not going to be muy importante to the plot in season 5, chpaeter 15.

So they kepts wocking until they saw a throne and on the throwne was... GIANT GORGE WASHINGTON!

"Hio George Washin- WAIT..." Said Roxy. "GEORGE WASHINGTON IS NOT THAT TALL!"

It turns out it was a waterwraith from _Pikmin 2_, wearing a GW mask!

"Ok you go me I'm not reely the first president of the USA. Roxy you got me good for you. As for everyon else your a bunch of dumb dumbs."

"HAY!" Shouted Rose. "I WOULD GESS IT TOO IF YOU GAVE US TIME BITCH!"

"Well it won't matter soon..." He said, snapping his fingers. Then, the boulder went back down, trapping the Rainbow Crew in the cave and in complete darkness. "Because you are surrounded by the darkness. Up until now you have been following the rays of light as guidance. And now, without it, I'll be certain to comsume you. I am an indestructible wraith. Your path to victory will end here, as all light must die out eventually. Now, I will crush you with my rollers!" Er... vat rolers LOL?

"YOU DONT NOT HAVE ROLLERS!" John pointed out casualty.

"i don't? AW FUCK!" he yelled, then jumped off the chare he was sitting on and ooked around. "Crap, where are they? Dammit!" Then he found them!

"A-HA!" He shouted, holding up the two stone rollers and putting them on his hands and ffeets. And then, like in the chapter 10 trailer, he shouted: "I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL INTO OBVLIVION!"

"QUICKS!" Shoute dDave who was now forgiven by everyone fro the bearing because of his songs. "JOHN, PLAY THE SONATA OF CASSELS!"

"Oh hay thanks Dave for reminding me to do this:" Said Waterwraith as he grabed keyboard and broke it. But it was OK for John since he had one back in his treehouse. But...

"HAY! THAT WAS RENT, NOT BUY! YOU PRICK, NOW I'LL HAVE TO PAY LOTS OF MONEY!" He yelled. Waterwraith laffed.

And then he rolled around, and for a guy who looks like fatass he was fast! The Rainbows Crews were at a screwed, until Rose saw a airwing conveeniently hidan behind a rock. She jumped in on it and used the blast masters to blow open ligh.

"You dare bring lite into my lair? Fuck you!" Said Waterwraith, in a not-reference to _Faces of Evil_. (AN not-reference is a term I made up and coind just now.)

The moonlight then stunned the Wrathe, and he shouted. Long enuff forf Porrim to find wistle, and looked at it. IT WAS SAME GREEN WHITLE IN KURLZO'S QUEST IN CHAPTER 8! Porrim stared at it beofer saying, "Cool!" And blew it.

Sudenly, the cave started rubbbling. It was OInions, from Pikmin and they flew into caev! Watewathes's face gave a "Uh Oh" look!

"Aw shit the jig is up." He saided.

One of the Onions stuck out it's leg and used the leg to bitchslap the Wrathe. This was because in the past the Waterwrathe cities have been at war with Pikmins cities and still kind of are.

"WHT THE HELL IS YOU DOING WITH ARE WISSEL HERE, AND THAT MASK?"

"Um... I... was getting Kurloz there-" he pointed to Kurloz, who glared at him for being a rat. "To get me this wissel so I can command Pikmins better. Then I put on this mask I found," He held up the Gorge Washton Mask. "And told them that I in this form am what the Gods look like."

Rose continuity. "The Pikmins are curently trying to castrate one of our teemmates, Jake English, with a lazer. We live in Chicago but are meeting area, which Jake is curently at, is in a treehouse. Also I think your kid Pikmin have been the ones that are tricked."

"WELL!" Shouted another Onion. "Hold on to your dreses, 'cuz we're goin back to Chicago!"

* * *

**(Treehouse)**

The lazer was moved slow so Jake wasbought time. Howevber the lazer was very close to his croch.

"EEP!" He shouted. "If I get a meer erecshin it's over! O well, I guess I can live in celebicy! **NO I CANNOT!** SOMEONE! ARE THE RC BACK YET?"

But then, the Onions broke down the wall! And then one of them cut the lazer machine with its leg!

"Hay sorry" said the Onion. "For breaking down wall. It's just we didn't no about how much time left!"

"O that's Ok." Said Rose. "I'm just a littel more worryd abut the fucking mole in are group..." She glared at Kurloz.

Kurloz got paper and pensel and wrote down: "HAY! I NOT A MOLE TROLL, I A SEAGOAT TROLL1"

"Oh fuck off! For doing such a teribled thing to us, I'm gonna punish you! Karkat!" She shouted to him, "Worst punishment you can think of?"

"BEING YOUR ASSTANT, LIKE I AM?" He said in a Feutrama.

"No! Being spanked in the ass!" She then got box, and inside it was a dead porcupine.

"WHO WAN'TS TO SMACK KURLOZ WITH A DEAD PORCUPINE?" Rose asked. Nepeta raised hand. Also since Davfe and Roxy were dating and Roxy and Nepeta then that means Dave kiss Nepeta too and thus the OT3 was completeds. Plus Damara was there in the Roxy/Nepeta so... JOHN/DAVE WAS CANONING RIUGHT NOW YAY!

"BTW" asked Tavros, "How did... you get to the GC to give Wraith the wissel before we even went too Meenah's?"

"I took the plane there."

"O... SO THAT EXPLAINS... WHY WE CAN'TOULDN'T FIND IT FOR SOME TIME."

"KURLOZ!" Shouted Rose. "Pull your RC dress up, your panties down, and let Nepeta smack you!"

And then Nepeta smacks him.

Kurlzo looked at the viewer and SPOKE (not wrote) "YIKES! And you think YOUR job is a pain in the ass!"

* * *

**(Meanwhile, in a unknown place)**

Meanwhile, in a unknown place, a fully mature adult troll with rainbbow blood was writting somehting.

"Oh piss!" She said outloud hich was not by the way what she was writting. "Both Hommer Simpson and Alcard Badguy are dead. O well I think I can make these two into subtitutes of them. These two work just fine..."

So she finished leetter and gave it to her messanger, who was imperial drones.

* * *

**(Treehiuse)**

"So girl-Dirk" said Jake "I don't understand why all in dress. Are all the guys girls and the girls prettier girls? Did everyone get hit by Midnight Bliss wile I was being kidnap from Pikmnin?"

"No." Said Dirks. "Porrim enforcede stupid uniform."

"O. Well I'd like you more if you girl."

"HAUY! DOUBLE STANDERD?" Dirk yelled.

"No sexuality." nJake answered.

"Ok." Dirk said.

"Say Jaka you need to put rthis Rainbow Crew unifrm on too." Said Porrim.

"Oh fuck! Also my name is Jake not Jaka."

Meanwhile the POikmin walked up to Jake.

"Wer sorry." Said the Pikmins. "They posered as my God."

"Oh that's fine chaps! I don' keep grudges against those unintneded!" Jake said.

"HOLY HELL YOU ACESPT APOLOGY SO EESY!" Asked all the Pikmin interns.

"Yep!" Shoted a Jaked.

* * *

**(Solux, Rose, Eridan in Treehouse)**

"Hay I'm hacking this now." Sollux said getting out computers.

"What find yopu pathetic?" Asked Eridan.

"Hay be nice to eachother guys." Said Rose, "Being in polygamy involves geting nice on all sides."

"I just trying to be hip."

"Well your doing a worse job at it then Dave and taht's saying something."

"I sorry."

"That's fine now don't be shit again or else YOU WANNA END UP LIKE KURLOZ 26 PARAGRAPHS AGO, NOT COUNTING SPACES OR LINE BREAKS?"

Sollux said, "O fuck. You see I'm findings out a siginal from the Troll Empres and she'ps sending massage to John's house. This can't not be good."

* * *

**(Nepeta since I didn't focus on her too much. Again Treehouse.)**

She and Roxy were kissing.

"Say." said Nepeta. "I've been wanting to date Solux now."

"WELL THEN TRY TO GET WITH HIM! GO GO GO!" shouted Roxy. "GO ON NOW, ALSO BY PROXY I'LL BE IN A DATE WITH ERIDAN, SO ERIDAN'S CUTE SO YEA!"

"Eye-eye, captan!" Shouted Nepeta, and then like animal she jumped out of window and did a barrel roll on floor to avoid taking fall damige, only to remeber that Sollux was also in the treehouse. So she had to wander around. However Sollux was still with Mituna trying to spys on Aaranea.

Aranea BTW was waching _Futurama_ with Rufioh and Dave.

"Hay..." said Sollux. "Can Mituna and I wach with you?" He asked suspishosly.

"Yea shure." Said Araiea erotically.

Rufioh said, "Yo yo yo bitBLEEPches this show is the cool..."

"Not as cool as me!" Dave showted.

Then Mituna was about to hide a hidden camra in Aranea's hair so that Vriska can spy where's she's been going to all this time, but then ENepta came and tackles Sollux which also made him hit Mituna and they both kinda just fell over or something. AND THE CAMRA LANDED ON RUFIOH, DUN DUN DUN HOW WILL THIS PLAY OUT LATER?

"Hay Sollux I loves you and Roxy encoraged me to confess."

"Ok." he said before they kissed.

"Aw ew that means I'm dating Sollux and Eridan too." Said Dave. "WAIT I have been ever since chpaater 8 when Roxy hooked up With Nepeta? Gah confusing oh well. I'm not as into guys as I am into dudes but hay the two love triangles got together so that's a cool part about it too I gess."

"Yay." said Rufioh.

Then Kanaya slid in. "BTW I change mind about avenging Edward's deth I now be happy to maekout with anyone I'm completely one hundred percent availble now."

BUT EVERYONE IGNORED HER BECAUSE SHE'S ONE OF THE BORING GIRLS!

* * *

**(John, Jade, and Damara)**

They were just driven to John's home.

"Hay about the hole ordeal..." Said Damara. "Look, I'm sorry but I can't reely be datin' someone like you. It's not work out that much. I think that I'm too extrmee for you."

John looked shocked! This was the first time _he_ gotten broken up over with too, unlike the otherway around where he deals the breakups like with Daev and later Dirk! "Ok fine..."

"BTW I no it will might break hart if I sleep in your house, so I'll call another troll like Horussto see if I can bunk with him."

"WHY HORUSS?" John asked.

Damara raised and lowered eyebros.

"_Oh_..." said John then Daamra got back into car and drove off. John and Jade stared until John reelized something.

"HAY! THAT WAS MY CAR! eh oh well." Then he laffed to Jade. "Exes, huh?"

Jade began. "I for one think that there are lots of fish in the sea-"

"WOAH YOUR RITE I SHULD DATE CRONUS NEXT!"

"Um no I don't mean take it too literaly. Just... _consider_ who's else there is. Think about it. _Sliowly_."

"Hrm..." John said, looking up.

"Um BTW not TOO slowley."

then they entered house.

"I brush teeth now before going to bed." John told Jade.

"Ok good." Said Jade, so that she can get reddy. She was origionally going to do what she's about to do to convince John to breakup with Damara, and wuld have felt gilty about doing this but since Damara broke up with John was, then JAde felt happy like she cheer him up!

John finished flossing and saw blue on the floor and paniced. "ah." he screemed. "Is Horuss and or Equius dead?"

The blue was a trail that led into bedroom. He ran in there, and door closed behind him.

"Hellooooo John..." It was Jane's voice! John turned around and saw Jane 'wearing' nothing but blue paint and had to be censor bar'd outside of forth wall, unless you bought the new _Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals: The Complete Third Season DVD: Uncensord Editshon: With a extended director's cut of the Carival seen in China_ blue ray!

"JANE!" He said. "I new it, the killer is the last persin you expect! You got naked, killed Equius and Horrus, and went around covered in there blood! Er... wait, when did the nakeding start?"

"No John, you're looking at this pickle in a completely abstract view! You see, you called me unimpulsive and predictable, so I decided to cosplay as Mystique from X-Men, like Lois did in that episode of _Family Guy_, and tried to charm you this way!"

"AW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" Jade's voice showted.

Jade was also in blue.

"You thot of the exact same thing I did!" Jade shouted. "Get nakers, cosplay as Mistiq, hide in John's room, surpise him!"

Suddenly, John's mon walked into the room.

"Hay John i baked a shitload of cookies- **HOLY HERBERT FANWORTH!**" When she saw Jane and Jade!

"O uh hi mom these are Jane and Jade the frends I nmet over he internet in pesterchum I was telling you agbout. Also ther my teammates in the Rainbow Crew."

"John... This 'Rainbow Cre' you're tlaking about isn't wan of... _those_ groops is it?"

"Orgy? No, this is just a misunderstnnign."

SUddenly, imperial drone bust thru the wall!

"O THIS IS JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING!" John repeeted.

"O?" Said the drone. "No I didn't want to tock about the nakeds in your room. What I wanted to do was give you this massage from Troll Empress, to John Egbert and JAde Hardly. This was original going to be two letters one sent to each house but since your both here I guess I'll feed this other letter to my fucking dog."

It red:

_Deer John Ebert and Jade Hardly:_

_Hay Homer Simpson and Alucard Badguy were supposed to eeither fill bucket with eechother or serve in jury duties but they both died. Sad Face. Anyway, I picked yous as replacements! Yay! If you don't get eight other jururs to serve in jury duty tonite on Valtentines Day 2011 (This yeer), then once you turn the legal age of Chicago, I send imperial drone in, and this one asks for buckets. And if you don't bucket, you die._

_Kisses!_

_-Love, Troll Empress._

"Aw hell naw." Said John. "I was alreddy in relationship with Jane."

"WHAT?" Shouted Jade.

"She did this cosplay and it was cute."

"But i did the exact same thing!"

"But I saw Jane first."

And then him and Jane started kissing.

Imperial Drone tocked to JAde and asked, "What you see in him anyway?"

"Love."

"SAY!" shouted John's motherhood. "Why did youy break down wall?"

"I culdn't found door. Anyway good night." He said before breking another hole in the wall.

John told Jane and Jade. "We must save up energy for this recrute mishin so tell everyone to sleeps tonights regardless of sleeptual orientation. I don'r want to serve jury duty, but imperial drones suck ass too. I meen, that one just broke not one, but TWO holes in my bedroom!"

Jane sihed. "I guess I should get dressed now and start my hike back to my house."

"Not needed! JAne, you and Jade could sleep with me in my bed!"

"NAKED?" They both shouted.

"Shure! Wy the fuck not?"

* * *

**(Morning)**

All 32 of the RC, in dressed uniform EXCEPT John and Jade (hay they were gonna be on jury tonight they had better to be look nice) were out in front of front door of treehouse.

"Ok her's the deel." Said Rose in a leader accent. "We'll split to find jury candades. First, we'll split into four teams:

"TEAM ONE: Damara, Rufioh, Mituna, Meulin, Porrim, Latula, Aranea, Horuss, Kurloz, Cronus, Meenah, Kankri.

"TEAM TWO: Aradia, Tavros, Sollux, Nepeta, Kanaya, Terezi, Vriska, Equius, Gamzee, Eridan, Feferi, Karkat.

"TEAM THREE: Dave, Jade, John, Rose (me).

"TEAM FOUR: Dirk, Jake, Jane, Roxy.

"Next, each team elect a person. I elect myself."

"I DO TO, SINCE APERANTLY I CAN DO THAT AS ROSE'S SECOND IN COMAND." yelled Karkat.

"I'm electin myself yo." Said MEenah.

"I be leeder." Said Dirk.

"Now," Rose continued twice, "do 'one two three NOT IT,' between each leeder. First place gets to only has to worry about convincing one person to jury dduty. Second and third have two. Fourth has three."

"WAIT TEEMS ARE UNBALINCED? WHAT ABOUT DEFENSE"

"Again like back in Hawaii, does not mater. Alkso the best defense is a good offense-"

Kankri interrupted. "I thout the frase was 'Best Offense is a good Defense' and it should be becuz offense is wrong BUT WATE does that make defense wrong too?"

"SHIT I DUNNO I JUST SAD THAT THIS LIMITS SHIPPING!" Shouted Meulin.

Team One was first, Team Four was next, Team Two third, Team Three last and had to get three peepol.

"Aw feck!" Shouted Rose. "I new this was a bad idea!" She sighed. "Ok then. Team One, take the RC's Plane over to the NY oshin. Team Two, you go by the South Park's Mountains in the car. Team Three, we'll go to the Grand Canyon in airwing-"

"AW FUCK I WAS JUST THERE!" Complained the John.

"Shut up. Team Four, go to Peech Creek swamp since it close to mountains you'll share car ride with team two until you get there, afterwhich they'll drop you off. Now remember, John and Jade's arses are on the line here!"

They all saluted her, then John turned to Cronus and wispered.

"Hay I was thinking baout cheeting on Jane who I have been relationing now with you. Waddya say?"

"What do _I _say?" Cronus looked at the reeder, "Yikes! I'm not _that_ desperate!"

**END OF SEASON THREE.**

* * *

**Closing AN:**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS:** Chapters **Eleven, twelve, thirteen, and fourteen** can be read in _any_ order. They all take place at the same time, but in different perspectives. Although you'll see that a feww events will overlap, they won't _really_ spoil much about the other chapters. In fact, I kind of encourage you to read them in whatever order you'd like. For reference, here's what group each chapter will focus on:

11: "Team Four" (Post-scratch humans)

12: "Team Two" (Post-scratch trolls)

13: "Team One" (Pre-scratch trolls)

14: "Team Three" (Pre-scratch humans)

If it seemed like chapter 9 was similar to season one while chapter 10 was similar to season 2, it's because I had re-read only season one when I was publishing and polishing chapter 9 and season 2 for chapter 10. In fact, that scene with Jake and Dirk (and Porrim) was originally going to end with Jake and Dirk hooking up, until I was reminded that they already did in chapter 7.

Anyway, _this_ time the fan fic will _actually_ continue on December 21st, unlike before where I made a surprise update about a week after concluding season 2.


End file.
